Friday, December 31, 2010

today is New years eve and I am thinking about all the blessings God has given me. Despite all the things that have happened this year I still have my wife and children. Tonight I played wii with my oldest daughter and had a ball. I am having some chest pains right now but I think it is mostly because I am just tired. I am so excited about the new year and what God is going to do in this year. I am still scheduled to return to work Jan 6th. I am not sure I am truly ready but I feel I have to go. So, to all those who read this thank you for your concern and prayers. I have felt them all and I appreciate it. I wish you all a wonderful New Year and may God richly bless in this year.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

It is early morning Dec 30th. I woke in some pain this morning and had to take a pain pill. I really don't like starting the day with a pill that I know is going to knock me out. But, the pain was very intense. I also have developed these mouth sores again. I had mouth sores from time to time prior to having the band put in but since the surgery they have increased. Not sure why but the surgeons office said that does happen and they don't know why either. I guess it is just something I will have to live with. It is frustrating trying to enjoy food with mouth sores. The chest pains are a lot better right now. It is strange how they come and go. I still wonder if I have panic attacks but the doctors seem to all think it is physical not emotional. Not sure which is better but again it is just something I have to live with. Our home continues to be warm and full of love and my life is richly blessed by family and friends. All in all this past year will remain as one of the best of my life.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The chest pains have let up a bit. They are still there but they have not been as intense the last few days. I am hopeful they will subside for a while. I am still having problems with bleeding. Today it was just aweful. I had a bowel movement and there was more blood in the bowl than movement. Plus, the blood dripped for a few minutes afterwards. I just feel so weak and have little to no energy. I am taking my vitamins and protein but my energy level is ust not there. It worries me but there is very little I can do.

Tonight is a special night for us. Our beloved God daughter is spending the night with us. My girls always love having her over. The sound of all these little ones certainly raises my spirits.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

The last two days the chest pains have seemed to increase. Last night I woke sweating and experiencing very intense pain. It did pass but as always it is cause for concern. The pains also bring on shortness of breath. They say not to lay in bed so I get up and watch TV until it passes. It normally lasts for about an hour then it goes away. I guess it is something I will just have to live with.

The snow was so beautiful. My daughter woke me early this morning and even though I had not rested I just refused not to go outside with her. So, we got all decked out and went out. I took a lot of pics while she made a snow man. My youngest daughter joined us and so did my wife. the girls had so much fun making a snow man. In fact, they made two. They threw snow balls at me and I just ate it up. I am so thankful that I am able to do little things with them. The joy in their eyes made it all worth while. I think life seems sweeter because of all I have been through. I honestly have wondered if I was going to live much longer. I still wonder given the intensity of the chest pain but the doctors continue to tell me they cannot find anything life threatening. There does come a point when you just have to trust what the doctors say is true.

This is the final week of 2010 and what a year it has been. I have been through more pain and emotional stress than I have ever been through in my life yet God continues to see me and my family through all things. There have been some great highlights to this year especially in sports and there have certainly been some very low lights with health. This is certainly the year of the GAmecock! And I have enjoyed each and every victory. Swansea saw a rise back on the grid iron as well. Friday nights in our little town were exciting and full of anticipation again. Our Church has seen a new and wonderful pastor come along that both irritates me and challenges me at the same time. I guess that is what a true friend is supposed to do. I have seen the goodness and love in friends. I have seen the concern and felt their prayers as we have gone through all of this. I have been blessed to have the job I have and to be able to recover from all of this while still getting paid. I am blessed to have the benefits I have and to be able to pay our bills. My mother remarried and we welcomed a new mate for her into our lives. He makes her happy and loves her very much. He is also good with the girls. All in all this year will go down as one of the best of my life. May God continue to guide us through 2011

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas! We are hoping for snow tonight but it is such a rare occurance here that I will be surprised if it happens. Hopefully it will though! I know the girls would love it. The holidays have been very special for us. My wife has gone out of her way to make it such a special time for our girls. We have been so richly blessed. My health does seem to be improving even though it is slow and we have a beautiful home with lots of food and love all around us. My heart soars with the peace of our faith and the hope of life eternal. I have been able to eat over the holidays and not feel stuffed. I hope that is a good sign and not a bad one. I did eat sweets but it has not been overwhelming. I am planning to pull back to a shake and protein bar Monday. But, I am so glad that I can pretty much eat what I want just not to excess. It will be interesting to see if I continue to lose or just maintain over the remainder of the holiday season. The pain the past two days has been really bad. I find it difficult to do very much but I try to press on with a smile. I continue to feel fatigued and tired most of the time. I also continue to exprience some bleeding and that does worry me because I thought that would be over by now. So, life goes on. My family is all together safe and sound so I dont think there is anything more than anyone on this planet can ask for. Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this blog. I pray God richly blesses you now and for the coming year!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The last few days have given me hope that the worst is over. Emily is much better. But, Eva started with a runny stool. So far she is not throwing up and is not running a fever but I decided to go ahead and start the medicine in the hopes we can prevent it from getting too bad for her. Cottia seems fine but I decided to start the medicine in her as well. I seem to have much more strength and endurance but I am still in a lot of pain. I feel like I am getting around better the past few days as well so that is encouraging. I just don't want to push it. I want to keep myself grounded and looking forward.

We have all our Christmas done and are looking forward to celebrating the birth of Jesus. Emily has made this such a special Christmas for us. Even though we have been through a lot our home is decorated, warm and full of love. I think in the end one cannot ask for more.

Merry Christmas!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

My wife is sick!!! She woke this morning with the stomach flu and has been throwing up all day. So, the kids and I got out of the house. I really do not need this thing to go through our house again. Please Father, don't let the girls get sick. When we left we went to visit my cousin and then took the girls to McDonalds on 321 so they could all play. It was my way of wearing them out so they will sleep well tonight. I had a wonderful visit with my cousin who I love very much then we went by food lion to buy momma some gingerale. Took the girls home and gave them a bath. I stripped the bed and began trying to wash the germs out of the house. But, I am really paying for it. The pain is incredible and I have had some bleeding. I will get through it because my family needs me and it has to get done. Hopefully my wonderful wife will be back up good as new soon. She took such good care of me for the past few months so I am glad to have the opportunity to minister to her.

My disability called today and they have approved the disability through Jan 5th. We will see how things go from there. God is continuing to watch over us and we give him all the praise and glory!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Today has been a good day. I have felt pretty good most of the day. There has been pain and sometimes it would get intense but it was not all day. I am really tired and continue to feel weak but I am hoping that will pass. It amazes me that the pain where the port for the band is continues to hurt. There are times I feel like the band just grabs my stomach area and pinches me. I also am having chest pain but it is not too intense. Certainly nothing like what happened Sunday a week ago. The ringing in my ears is getting worse so I guess I need to get that checked again. May as well try to do it before the end of the year. 47 and completely falling apart! Oh well, maybe Hollywood will pick up my life as a comedy series and I can just retire to my sad body!

I did not hear anything yet again today from the surgery center so I don't know if they have sent the information to my disability specialist. I sent her an email to check but got a response that she is out until Dec 27th so I had to send another email to another specialist to see if the information is there and they can go ahead and make a decision. At least we would know before Christmas.

My wife and children continue to bring me great joy and comfort during all of this. My love for them all is overwhelming. Thank you Father for the love of those around me.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The last few days have been both challenging and rewarding. We had our Sunday School Christmas party yesterday at our home. I was so glad to have everyone over here. They mean so much to me and I love them with all my heart. But, I have to depend on others to get things done. I wanted to desperately to bring the wood up for the fire and to be able to contribute. But, I was limited. Still, I was able to get through it. I got really exhausted from even just standing for a few minutes but it was worth it to enjoy the fellowship and friends. My strength is just not coming back. In fact, I am not sure it has ever come back from the band surgery. For every day I feel a little bit of strength, there are two to three days of complete fatigue. Still, people have been so good. When the class left our wood box was full and our refridge was full so our home is warm and we are blessed. What more can a family ask for?

Today was Sunday and I had been asked to sing O Holy Night for Christmas. It is a tradition dating back 30 years now. But, I am so weak and I wondered if I could get through it. I felt my voice was pretty good but even standing long enough to sing is a challenge. Then, throw in nerves and it could have really been rough. None the less, I felt I wanted to do this and that it would be good for me and a blessing to the Church. So, I asked for a stool and sat while I sang as best I could. I was worn out afterwards but it was such a great feeling to be up there sharing the talent God has given me and knowing it meant so much to so many others. What they did not know was how much it meant to me. I pray God allows me many more years of singing that wonderful Christmas song.

When we got home I looked at the new pants my wife bought for me and realized they were falling off. So, we are going to have to buy some new pants again. I am not down to a size 40 from a size 48. 8 inches in the waste is such an accomplishment. I am so pleased with the weight loss and give God all the credit for what he has done.

I'm not sure why but for some reason this Christmas seems a bit more special than recent ones. I'm not sure if it has to do with all I have ben through or just that we are home and not traveling this year. But, my wife has done so much to make this a very special Christmas for us all. Our home is beautifully decorated and our kids are loved and secure. Thank you Father for all the blessings you have given me.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Another day and more pain. But, I did get good news from my cardiologist. My heart checks out and the pacemaker is working as it should. He is not concerned about blockage. He did say the entire episode Sunday night may have been related to the stomach flu. He said it is unusual for a person like me to have angina but mine is an unusual case. I have heard that from him before. Because they don't know why I had a heart attack in the first place 5 years ago they cannot understand everything that is going on in me. He did say there is a condition called vascular angina. It is rare and hard to diagnose but that may be what I am dealing with. He advised me to continue what I am doing and to get rest. There is a medicine that can be used to help with this type of angina but he does not want me on any more medicines right now. I am so glad he feels that way as I am sick of medicines. He did say if the episodes continue or get worse to let him know if not he wants to see me in three months. I left the appointment reassured but at the same time a bit sad. The fact that the pacemaker is working and is keeping my heart going is wonderful but it is also sad that my heart needs it to keep me going. Still, that is why it is there and God has given us some wonderful tools to prolong life and to improve quality of life. Right now, my job is to continue to rest and get better.

The pain in the rectum was pretty intense today as was the pain around my stomach where the band it located. I am also still very tired and weak from the flu but I hope it is going to get better soon. I was able to eat a bit tonight in fact I ate a small amount of prime rib. It is the first time I have tried to eat meat other than a burger since the surgery. I tolerated it well but did not eat very much.

Once again, I have not heard from the surgeon's office. I called again and left a message but no return call. Right now I have decided if I don't hear something by noon tomorrow I will call the administrative office again. If they don't get this done, I will get a lawyer. The stress is certainly not helping me get better. In fact, it is probably making matters worse.

My wife and children continue to be supportive and I love them more each day. God has blessed me with the most wonderful family a man could want.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I saw my surgeon today and he did an exam. He said I am healing but it is just going slow. He also said he was not too concerned about the bleeding as that is normal. But, if it is still there in a few months then we need to be concerned. He did say I needed more time to heal. That sometimes it just takes a while and when you couple that with everything else I have been through it is just going to take a while. So, he picked the date and said for me not to return to work until Jan 10th. I am releaved as I know my body is just not ready so hopefully I can rest and get better. The exam was not pleasant but it was necessary. He also said it was critical that I follow up with my cardiologist regarding the angina. He said that was the most important thing right now. I have had several PVC episodes this afternoon but they have not been as painful as the ones Friday evening. Hopefully I am not building up to another angina attack.

The office manager from the surgery center visited with me one and one. She apologized for how my case had been handled and assured me she would have it taken care of this afternoon and that she would give me a call. As of 4:10 I have not heard from her. But, I am willing to give it until tomorrow. I do understand no system is perfect and that it does appear their medical records area dropped the ball on that.

All in all, today has not been too bad. Just a few things here and there. Frankly I am more concerned about my heart than anything else. I also worry that I could be having panic attacks but I just don't think that is the case. Obviously there is something physical so we just have to figure out what that is. What a life!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Today was another of those interesting days. I called my primary physician and he wanted to see me right away so I had the appointment at 11:15. On the way to the office I began having the chest pains again but this time they moved into the jaw. That worried me but I pressed on. When I arrived the doctor was great. He listened to my heart and said he did not hear anything that alarmed him but felt we needed to do a EKG. We went over my history and discussed angina. After he read the EKG he came back and said it looked ok. He did not think I had another heart attack but he could see changes in the EKG since the last time they had done one. So, clearly something was going on. He felt I did not need to wait to follow up with my cardiologist but also did not feel I needed to go back to the hospital at this time. He explained what angina is and there could be many causes but he does not feel I have blockage which is reassuring. He said for me to stay out of work until we get to the bottom of this and that he would be able to help me with that. Now we have to get the appointment with my cardiologist set up to see where we go from here. The good news is I do not appear to have had another heart attack. The bad news is the angina may be getting worse. The issue is what is causing it. He also recommended a flu shot so I got that done today as well.

I still had not heard anything from the surgeon regarding my continuing disability. I had called 3 times Friday and twice today. Finally, I called the hospital administration and they got on it. The surgeon's office did call and assured me they called my disability people and would have the paper work expitited so I can get my disability. The office manager did explain that their medical records division had not told her they did not have my treatment notes from their copying service. She told me she had put a rush on it that it was over a week and that was not acceptable to them. My frustration with the surgery center is off the chain. I told her I would not have called the administrative area if I had simply recieved a return phone call but I did not get that courtesy which was certainly adding to the stress I am already under with my heart. It is just a nightmare. They scheduled an appoinement with the surgeon tomorrow and the office manager said she would like to see me when I come in so I am looking forward to explaining my position and hopefully moving on.

Right now, I am both physicall and emotionally exhausted. I am just not sure how much more my body can take. But, I press on and trust God. He will sustain us through all of this.

Monday, December 13, 2010

I am back from the hospital and very tired. It started yesterday evening with chest pain and diarreha (sp). then, I began vomiting. The pain was very intense and felt a lot like the pain when I had the heart attack. I really thought this was another heart attack. My wife called EMS and I was transported to the hospital.
The EKG looked fine so it was not a heart attack. I was admitted to the hospital and given some pretty powerful drugs. The doctor said I had a viral GI and angenia. The angenia was causing the chest pain. He told me to stay off work and to follow up with my general doctor. I do know they forwarded the information to my cardiologist so he is aware of the situation. I am still having diarreha as of right now and don't have any desire to eat. I was told if my fever goes back up or if the vomiting returns to go back to the hospital. Hopefully that won't happen. My fever spiked yesterday at 102. So, I had two good days and now this. Is this some kind of joke? I sometimes wonder that. For now, I am going back to bed and simply resting. Sometimes that is the best medicine.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Wow, two days in a row that were better! I have not had that since before the first surgery way back in August. Tonight, I am in some pain but it is not as bad as previous. The only concerns I have is the amount of PVC episodes that are happening right now. Last night I could not catch my breath due to how heavy the PVC episodes were. It really did scare me. I stated to wake my wife but decided to ride it out. One of these days that is going to be a big mistake. Eventually they subsided but I did not get a lot of rest. Today I have been very tired which is to be expected. The PVC episodes have continued today and I have had some shortness of breath but it has not been nearly as bad as it was last night. I guess we will see.

Tomorrow is our Church Christmas program. I am looking forward to worshiping and celebrating the birth of the risen Savior!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Today has not been as bad as other days. I actually felt good some during the day. The pain is still there but it does not seem to be as intense. I am wondering if the predisone is helping the rectal problem. Time will tell. I called my surgeon's office three times today to see what the doctor had said. But, I did not receive a return call. I even left a message with an office manager but still no return call. I sent an email to my manager letting her know what I had done. I also faxed the note from the doctor to the disability specialist so at least she will have something on file. I am so sick of being sick. But, at least for today, I had some moments when I felt good. I hope it is not a one day event and that I am actually on the road to full recovery. God remains in control. Not in my time but his!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

This morning I went to my primary care giver. He did an exam of my back and said the disc and lower back issue is not related to the hemmoroid issue. But, the tail bone issue may be as a nerve may have been hit during surgery. He prescribed Prednisone to see if it will help with the disc. He said this would have been there no matter my weight but losing the weight will certainly help. He said if the Prednisone does not work then I may be looking at shots in the back and eventually surgery. God please don't let that happen. I just don't know if I can go through anymore. He referred me back to my surgeon regarding the tail bone so I went there and spoke with the nurse. She came out and sat with me in the lobby. I think looking her eye to eye was helpful. Somtimes, I think they lose touch when dealing with us over the phone and actually seeing me face to face may have helped. I explained that I am scared. I just don't understand why I am still in so much pain. I also am afraid of losing my job and just feel so undertain. She seemed to understand. I also explained what the gastro had said yesterday and that I really need them to get the disability paper work completed and sent in ASAP. My surgeon was actually in surgery today so he could not see me. The nurse was going to speak with the PA and then with the surgeon. I am hoping to hear something from them tomorrow. I am really concerned that this thing is not going to end soon. My spirit is so down right now. But, at the same time I feel optimistic. I don't know how to explain that. I think it is the Holy Spirit ministering to me letting me know He is in charge and no matter what I will be taken care of. My God is so awesome.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Today I went to my gastro. I felt I really needed his opinion on everything. He said he does not normally see patients post surgery as he does not do the surgery. He felt I needed to see my surgeon and go tomorrow. He said he was surprised the surgeon had not examined me and allowed the PA to do the examination. He did do an examination and said he would not be able to do anything further than just a visual as I needed to be under anesthesia (sp). He also said he could not do a colonoscopy to rule other things out as my body just could not be put through that right now. He saw the incision from the surgery but could not go any further with the examination. He said he felt I should be a lot further along than I am at this point. He also said he did not understand why they did the internal hemmoroids. He felt taking the external would have been enough. What's done is done though. I have to work through all of this and just trust it is going to get better. I have another appointment with my primary tomorrow to see his thoughts and to check on my back to make sure it is not being affected by all of this. I appreciate everyone's prayers and concern as we continue this journey.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The pain today has increased. I have also had more bleeding. I have scheduled an appointment with my gastro tomorrow for his opinion. I have also scheduled another appointment with my personal care doctor Thursday. There has to be answers. I told me wife that I am really worried something else is going on. Something they just don't see or have not looked for. For the first time I actually wondered if I have cancer. I realize that is being paranoid but it is becomming a concern. I pray that is not the case. I am trying the donut they suggested and it seems to help a little in one area but has moved the pain to another. Still, I continue to trust God and his faithfullness. He is in control, not me.

Monday, December 6, 2010

I went to my surgeon's office today. The pain is increasing and not getting any better. They said that I should not be surprised at the amount of pain I am in as they had to go up a ways to do the surgery. I just did not expect it to last this long. When they did the rectum exam I thought I was going to die. The pain was the most intense I have ever experienced. Tonight it is very intense but there really is very little I can do. They did say I appear to have a tear in the area which is contributing to all of this but again there is just nothing that can be done. We did discuss the pain medicine and that it just does not seem to be helping so I am going to stop taking it. It is causing constapation and really does very little with the pain issue so there is no reason to continue it. The down side is the pain will probably get worse before it gets better. I called my manager and my disability specialist. My manager said not to worry that a few more weeks will probably make all the difference. The disability specialist asked a lot of questions but will fax the request for medical information. I called the surgeon's office and made it clear it is vitally important that they respond as quickly as possible which I believe they will. They have been very good about working with my disability folks on this matter. There is always the chance the extension will be denied but there is medical documentation to extend so hopefully it won't be a problem. I really need to return as my pay has been reduced 30% now and that does make a difference in our lives. Fortunently, God has provided for us and we are ok. There is also always the chance I could lose my job but given the assurance I have from my manager I really don't think that will happen either. I am truly blessed as far as all of that goes. I am going to call my personal gastro to see if he will see me and check me. I trust him very much and feel I could use the second medical opinion as to exactly where I am.

I lost another 3lbs according to their scales!

My heart also continues to be a concern as I continue to struggle with PVC episodes.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I spoke with my manager tonight and also have discussed with my wife and right now I still plan to return to work Tuesday. My manager told me not to worry and she will continue to work with me no matter what. There is a possibility I would return to work part time which I am researching with my disability. I personally think that would be best to try and ease back into work but also to make sure my body can take it. The pain is increasing instead of getting better which really does worry me. But, I may just have to live with it. Time will tell.

On another note, I had a wonderful evening with my wife. It is kinda rare that we get to go out to eat together alone and we were able to do that tonight. I am so thankful for her and all she means to me and does for our family.
I will blog more later tonight. But, for now, the pain if getting worse. I did not think that was possible. I tried to do things because they needed to be done and apparently it just has caused something to happen. the bleeding continues and I am still frustrated. God is in control and I know that but I am beginning to wonder if I will be able to function the rest of my life without feeling pain. there is a difference between pain and soreness. This is pain. I also continue to worry there is something else going on they have not discovered. The saga continues.

Friday, December 3, 2010

today I kept my youngest daughter. We had so much fun. We started the day at my moms as she made breakfast for us. Then, we came back home and she took a good nap. When she woke, we got my oldest daughter and headed back to my mom's. It was cold but we rode the golf cart and really enjoyed the beautiful farm. Finally, we came home after some supper at the barbeque place in Swansea...which is awesome I might add. I am able to eat some barbeque but it is less than a childs plate. Still, I am happy I can eat it and enjoy it without pigging out. We came home and I decided to get our Christmas things out so we could put up our trees and get ready to decorate. That is where I made my mistake. I didn't do very much but as everyone knows, putting up Christmas trees requires some lifting. Right now, the pain is probably worse than it has been. I am really hurting and just want to sit and do nothing right now. I HATE THIS! I want so desperately to help with the Christmas decorating. I have always done that. Daddy puts up the trees and helps with decorating. Mom does the arranging. I feel like a part of me has been put out to pasture. Tomorrow, I have some friends coming over to help and I appreciate them but this is supposed to be what daddy does! It is almost like I am a 70 year old man instead of a 47 year old dad. My shoulder is throbing right now from the pacemaker but my heart seems to be ok just a sore shoulder. Our home is always so beautiful at this time of year. My wife knows how to arrange everything and the girls eyes just light up. Instead of being the vibrant Father I used to be I feel I am relagated to the sidelines and asking others to do what I should be able to do. Will it be this way for the rest of my life? I simply don't know. I want my life back!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I decided today that I needed to do some things. So, I did try to get some things done but I am really paying for it now. I have bled again and it is really uncomfortable. I just have to get my body going again and don't know any other way to do it. I continue to take the medicines they have prescribed for me but it really does not help. There are days I just wish I could start crying and cry all day to get out all this emotion I have built up. I think I will watch a very emotional movie to see if I can get it started. I am supposed to return to work Tuesday but honestly don't know if I will be able to stand it. Even right now as I am writing this the pain is throbing and very instense. I now have a great respect for those that deal with pain like this on a daily basis. time moves on and life continues. No matter what, God is in control and I do trust him.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Today has not been too bad. I had to go to the ENT and was told the ringing in my ear needs to be monitored and that if I start getting dizzy I need to let them know. The bleeding continues and I continue to have intense pain but there is just nothing that can be done. The surgeons office called and I am to see them Monday before returning to work. I have to admit I have mixed emotions about returning. I want to go back but the pain is so bad I just don't know if I can stand it. I had a lot of PVC episodes today and 1 was very intense but the others were not so bad. I just continue to work through all of this. I think my biggest concern is how my daughters are going to see me in the future. Will they see this weak man that is dependent on others for everything or will they see their daddy, a strong vibrant man working to take care of them and their mother. I claim the later. God continues to give me strength and I know I am in his care. I just never thought at this point in my life I would have all these issues and even have to clean blood from myself during the day. I am not sure what lesson I am meant to learn but please Father teach me soon!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Today I called the surgeon's office again but have not heard back from them. The pain in my back has now moved all the way to the small of the back. I am concerned and don't understand how this could be happening. I expected pain in the rectum (no laughing) but not my tail bone. And for it to be moving cannot be good. Something has got to be done to get me some releaf.

I weighed tonight and was impressed that I have lost another 5lbs! but, I told my wife it also worries me because I have been eating especially this past weekend so I did not think I would have lost any weight. I am grateful but also worried that something else is going on.

Last night was very rough with my heart too. I could not fall asleep and sweated. The pain was so intense but once again I chose to ride it out instead of doing the smart thing and calling an ambulance. I think I am embarrassed that this seems to happen so often yet they find only minor things. There is comfort in knowing they don't consider these issues with my heart to be life threatening but living with these episodes is really difficult.

I am scheduled to return to work Dec 7th but wonder if that will happen. I am so glad I have the kind of disability I have but really want to get back to work. I just don't think I can take the pain and do my job as it needs to be done. I am still having to take pain medicine which does worry me. I am afraid of becoming dependent. I only take it when I can't stand the pain anymore hopefully it will pass soon.

I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving and will remember all we have to be thankful for in our great country.

t

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Today the pain is as bad as it has ever been. I told my wife that I wonder if I am just going to be one of those people that has pain all of his life. It is so discouraging but it is what it is. The pain medicine does not seem to help very much so I am concerned there is just nothing the doctors can do. I will call the doctor again tomorrow and yet again hope to be seen. I try every chair available and have yet to find one that I am comfortable in. My daughter was so wonderful, she went through the entire house trying every chair and couch to see if she could find one that would be comfortable for me. I love that little girl so much. So, the struggle continues. I'm not sure if I will indeed go back to work on the 7th but will discuss with the doctor when I see him hopefully this week.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

The pain in my spine continues and seems to be getting worse. I swear I just feel like I am shell shocked. I tried to call the doctor yesterday but they are out until Monday so I will have to contact them then and see if he can see me again before I am scheduled to return to work. Still, family and friends are my rock and continue to lift me up. I am forever grateful to them all for all they have done and for the prayers.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Today is Thanksgiving and the first major holiday since having the band surgery. I wondered how I would do and if I would be able to eat. Well, the verdict is in and I did GREAT! We had a full thanksgiving meal with stuffing, turkey, dressing, biscuits and all the trimmings. I was able to eat a little of what I wanted and felt full after only 1 plate!! I did not want seconds and felt like I used to feel after 2 full plates and a full plate of dessert. I found it ironic that the mashed potatoes went down easier than the stuffing did. Not sure why but the stuffing was very easy to eat. I enjoyed a piece of sweet potatoe pie and it was very good. The bottom line is I enjoyed a holiday meal and did not stuff myself. I continue to lose weight and now the total weight loss is 105lbs! I really feel good about today and the future with my weight.

Today has seen another round of extreme pain in my lower spine. I simply do not know what is causing this and wonder if it is even related to everything else or is it something new that has come about. My heart continues to give me problems too and there is even a little pain in my lower jaw which is of some concern. I am completely worn out and still struggle to have any energy at all. I am tired, scared, worried and all of the emotions that come with it. But, I also know God is in control no matter what and it will all work out in the end. I am going to call the doctor Monday and see if I can get back in. I honestly don't think I am physically able to go back to work on the 7th even though I desperately want to. I am thinking we might have to look at the possibility of part time for a while until I get my strength back. But, for right now, I am just so weak and tired.

finally, if anyone reads this post, thank you for your prayers and concern. I truly feel them and appreciate them. Just seems like it has been such a long road.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL AND MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Today I have thought about all that I have been through and all that I have. The Bible tells me to be thankful in all things and I wonder if I have truly done that during all of this. While it is true my body has been through a lot, my soul has been enriched by the ministering of the Holy Spirit and all God has given me. I am thankful for all the surgeries, heart issues, physical and emotional issues I have been through the past few months because I have learned just how precious life is and how much I truly love my wife and children. I am thankful that God has allowed me to go through all of this because it has taught me to rely more on him than doctors or hospitals. He is my rock and my strength. Without his everlasting grace I would truly be nothing.

Monday, November 22, 2010

It is funny how a day can start off pretty good then go down hill. I woke this morning feeling pretty good and thinking wow this is great! I did a few things around the house and thought I was heading for a great day. I went to my mom's for some coffee and then returned home. I realized the pain was starting and I needed to take some pain medicine. I called my wife to let her know and then took a nap. I woke and once again thought I was feeling ok. I had done some laundry and was putting it away as the pain crept back in. It really began to intensify and now I am completely washed. I did not do much just trying to do some of the basics of life and I still struggle. I continue to spot blood when I have a bowel movement which I don't think is supposed to be happening at this stage. I will call the surgeon yet again and hope for the best. Yesterday was horrible with my pacemaker and today it continued. Everytime I think I am at the end of this battle it seems to find a way to shoot back at me. So, the troubles continue but God is faithful and I know I will come through. I am surrounded with family and friends who are pulling and praying for me and I am thankful for them all.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

the pvc's have really been active the past two days and I have been concerned that the pacemaker is acting up. There is just a very strange sensation in my chest. So much and so many things. My heart is just breaking that I cannot seem to get past all of this. But, I continue to be blessed with a wonderful wife and great kids. God continues to guide even in the midst of all of this.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It amazes me how my life has changed in the last few months. I have lost over 100lbs. I have a new outlook on life as it pertains to my body and how I look. I have a pacemaker. My heart has had issues but the pacemaker should enhance my quality of life and give me a bright future. I have had hemmorid surgery and never experienced such pain in my life. But, this too shall pass. My girls continue to grow and my love for them is greater now than ever. God has blessed me in ways I never thought possible. The past few months have certainly been hard and I still have a ways to go but I have made it and feel the future is going to be exciting and a worthwhile adventure.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Received word today that my disability has been extended and approved. I am so thankful that I have the job I have. Now to simply rest. I have responsibilities and it is hard not to do things I am used to doing. The only time I am not in pain is when I am in the bed. I just don't want my life to become a bed ridden life. I have too much to live for and too much to do.

Monday, November 15, 2010

I had my follow up with my doctor today and am staying out until December 7th. The appointment ran late and I did not get out until 4:45. The doctor will call my disability folks tomorrow and extend the time. I am grateful to my doctor and really want all this pain to go away. The only time I don't experience pain is when I am in the bed. Sitting is very painful and even standing is painful. The problem I have is there is very little they can do except to allow it time to heal.

On another note, I lost another 3lbs. The doctor said they don't want to do any adjustments with all my body has been through until they know for sure my body can take it. I am glad he is being patient.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Yesterday my oldest daughter started throwing up. She did not run a fever and seems a lot better today. She did throw up some in the night but so far none today. Hopefully it was a quick stomach virus and has passed. So far no one else in the house is sick. I continue to be in a lot of discomfort and to struggle with bowel movements. I did succeed today and it felt like razor blades. The most intense pain I have ever had in my life. Tomorrow I go back for my follow up with my surgeon. I don't expect him to release me to return to work. My spirit struggles with all of this and continues to wonder why so much in such a short period of time. God has a plan and I know he will take care of us so I must continue to simply trust his will.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Today has not been as bad as yesterday but it has still been rough. The morning started out ok but went down. I did take my pain medicine and knocked myself out. I have spoken with my disability and have all my ducks in a row. I know if the doctor does extend my disability, I will be fine. I experienced the chest pressure again today. There is a difference between chest pain and chest pressure. This is more like the elephant sitting on my chest than pinching pains like I am used to. But, it goes away and I have had it before. So, I am just going to trust that it is ok. If I break out in a sweat or the pains move to my jaw then I will become concerned. I am back to using the cane from time to time not all the time though. I mainly need it to help me stand up and sit down. I just feel so inadequate right now. But, as always, I know God is in control.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I am posting a second blog today because of how bad it has been. When I was writing the last blog I was in a lot of pain and had just taken the pain medicine. It did help but the pain is still very intense. I did not realize I had three hemerroids. I found out tonight. That explains so much. There was one external and two internal. This was a far more invasive procedure than I had realized. No wonder I am in so much pain. I have done some research and believe I still have another week and a few days left under FMLA. I will discuss with my doctor Monday regarding weather I can return to work or not. We discussed tonight what might happen for us as a family and will trust God in all his mercy and love that we will be taken care of no matter what. The pain is so bad right now that simply getting up and down in a chair is a challenge. I just hope I don't have to go back into the hospital. Another issue has risen it's ugly head and that is my heart. Today the heaviness on my chest was just like a heart attack. It passed but it was very intense. I hope it was nothing serious but it did scare me. This time I think it was because of stress and worrying. Sometimes I really feel like I just cannot catch a break.
today has been simply horrible. the pain is the worst I have ever felt. I thought I was doing better but today has certainly been a set back. I tried to do some things this morning but now I can barely move. I have taken the pain medicine and hope it will simply knock me out. I am also bleeding again which concerns me. I also thought that was supposed to be over. I just want to crawl under a rock right now. I will say this the pain right now is worse than all the pain from the other surgeries combined. I wonder if I could call the doctor again but I call them everyday it seems. Please Father let this pain ease up.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

today I seemed to have more pain than I have had in a while. The PVC's have always been there but today they were very noticeable. I know they are not life threatening and I just have to get used to them but they continue to take my breath away and cause some dizziness. I am scheduled for my follow up with my doctor Monday. I believe I will be released to return to work next Tuesday. I know it is going to be an adjustment but I do think it will be a good adjustment to get me back in the rhythm of life. It has certainly been a long road but I am beginning to feel like I am slowly getting my strength back. I still get worn out just taking a shower from the other issues. Bending over and trying to lift anything is also very painful. It is just going to take time. I will continue to blog even after I return to work. I have grown to enjoy this and hope others find it interesting.

On another note. I want to thank all veterans. You are our true heros.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

today and yesterday have been pretty good days. I have spent a lot of time resting which is good. I still have some discomfort but I do think it is getting better. I go back to the doctor next week and hopefully will be released at that time to return to work. Given all that has happened I will wait to see. I did go 4 days without a bowel movement so when it finally came it was very painful. I don't think it did any damage to the surgery area though. I think that pain is to be expected. I am finding it difficult not to drive. I really want to get out of the house but am trying very hard to obey the doctor's orders. Tomorrow I may not have a choice but to drive though to an appointment. If I do, I will certainly come straight home. I also want to start walking again. My heart continues to concern me but I have just learned the pains I have are something I will just have to live with. So, life goes on and God continues to be good.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Well, it has been a couple of days since I posted a blog. the surgery went well but the pain afterward is really rough. the doctor said he does not want me to drive for 2 weeks which is really tough especially when it comes to my little ones. that puts a lot more pressure on my wife. I am glad I had the procedure done and feel it is really going to help my quality of life. The pacemaker is working as it should but they do thinkit might have been pushed up against a nerve when my daughter head butted it. I can live with it though. I really hope this is the end and my life will get back to normal in two weeks. I have had so much support and love through all of this but even now people still comment on the weight I have lost and how good I look. If nothing else comes from this my daughters will know their daddy did everything he could to improve his health to enjoy life with them and to see them grow up. If my life does not last until they are adults at least they can always know how much I loved them. I did all of this for my girls and my wife. I pray God gives me many more years with them but if in his infinent wisdom he calls me home they will know how much I sacrificed for them. I love them so. Now, the biggest challenge I have is to rest for the next two weeks and get my strength back and to hope this is the last challenge I will have.

Friday, November 5, 2010

The surgery went well and I am glad to have it over and done. The doctor said I am not to drive for 2 weeks and also not to lift anything. Same old song it appears except for the driving part. I have contacted the disability folks and they said everything is fine they just need to get the doctor to sign the disability form again. Originally I was told the recovery would only be 1 week but I think given everything else that has happened it will take a bit longer. Hopefully that will be the end of it and I can return to work and normal life. The surgery itself is not that bad but once the medicine wears off it is quite painful. I am not to take a bath for 2 weeks only showers. It is going to be rough not being able to do the things I am used to do but I have to take it easy so I don't have any further set backs. My mom really came through for me these past few days and I greatly appreciate her help. Now, it is time to heal and move on.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

tomorrow is the big day. yet another surgery! YEA!! They called and said I have to be at the hospital at 8 then they called and said 7:10. I made my displeasure known and they changed it back to 8. It would not have been so bad to change but they wait until the last minute to call. If I did that to them they would charge me for the service even if I didn't have anything done! I am just looking forward to getting it over.

I am a bit worried about where I am in the weight loss. I continue to lose but there is left over birthday cake in the kitchen that I have snacked on just because I can and it is there. I have asked my wife to take it out of the house because it is just too much of a temptation. I am doing well on my food intake but don't want to get back into the habit of eating too much sweets. I don't mind having my sugar free ice cream treat but that birthday cake is dangerous!

I am not looking forward to this tomorrow. I just don't fully know what to expect. A lot of it has to do with the area of the body that is having the surgery. I imagine I will be in some discomfort for a few days. Right now, I am out until Nov 10 but will determine how that goes with the doctor tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Today was a good day. I went to the cardiologist. He said the pacemaker is working as it should but I am doing too much and not allowing myself time to properly heal. He said the area my daughter headbutted is sore but it appears to be ok. He said I was fine to have the other surgery.

Then, I went to my preop. Everything is now set for the surgery on Thursday. My biggest concern is how will my body respond to this. It will make the 4th surgery in 2 months. That is a lot to put my body through. I hope I will come home Thursday but I suspect they may keep me over night just to be on the safe side given everything that has heppened.

The next major concern I have is will 1 week truly be enough to recover given my body is already in a weakened state? I guess we will see.

But, once again, I do feel I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. God is good and I know he is in control.

Monday, November 1, 2010

the pvc's have been there all day but the pains went away. Not sure why today has been so rough. I did find out my disability has been extended through Nov 11 for now. I am in a lot of discomfort from the hemorroids. Tomorrow I have my preop for the surgery this Thursday. My arm is very sore and the cardiologist said they do need to check the pacemaker to be sure nothing has become dislodged. I honestly dont think that has happened but i do think it may be against a nerve in my chest which is causing all this pain.
Today is rough. I woke up ok but have had a series of very difficult PVC's. At least I think they are PVC's. They really hurt and continue right now. I just had a very rough chest pain and the pvc's have started up. I am really thinking about calling 911 but don't want to be reactionary. It is not a tightness but more like severe pain. There is no pain in the jaw or shoulder however so that is good. Why does this keep happening to me??????

I have to call my cardiologist anyway today because of the continuing pain from the pacemaker. I spoke with several folks last night that work in doctor's offices and they all agreed I should not continue to have these pains.

I also have to followup with my disability folks and riverside to confirm my disability is taken care of.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Today, we celebrated my youngest daughter's second birthday. What a special lady she is. She was so cute opening all her presents and eating her cake. God has truly blessed me. The pain in my left shoulder is becoming unbearable. It is in the very top of the shoulder but it really is uncomfortable. I wonder if the pacemaker or the wiring is up against a nerve. I think I need to call the doctor yet again.

I am scheduled for surgery thursday. I am really not looking forward to it but I understand why it needs to be done and done now. My disability will start being reduced this week so we will need to tighten our belts. We can get through it though and God is always good.

Thank you again for all your prayers and concern for me and my family.

t

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I went to the surgeon today and they examined the hemorroid. I was told that since it has been there for more than 3 days it is not going anywhere. He said the medication I am on is the best but if it is not better in the next day or so I am looking at yet another surgery. That would make 4 surgeries in 2 months. My body has been through so much that I am just exhausted. I have to discuss with my disability what we need to do from here. My last understanding was that if I remain out past Nov 1 my income would be reduced to 70%. The issue for us is we have already met our deductable so any further hospital issues will be covered and we would not have any expence. But, my income would be reduced. I still have 3 weeks I can take and receive disability income however and that is a comfort.

On another front, I worked very hard in the house this afternoon. I vacuumed and put things away. I am so tired and sore. It is just so frustrating that I am limited in what I can do. I have always been so active in helping my wife with cleaning but right now, I just am not able to.

I am not sure if I will be able to update the blog the next few days as family will be here for my youngest daughter's second birthday. My time on the computer will be limited.

Happy Birthday EVA!! Daddy loves you so much!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Today I had my review with my cardiologist. He said they did monitor an event. He said it appeared my heart was trying to race. He said sometimes those things happen and said he wants to see me back in Jan to do another x-ray of the heart and to see how the pacemaker is doing. My BP was a bit high so he said for me to start taking diovan again. After I left his office I visited my office. It was great to see everyone. They all complimented me on how I looked and all the weight I have lost. That really made me feel special. Then, it was off to my gastro. He found that I have a thumbal hemerroid (sp). I have to meet with the surgeon tomorrow to see if I need yet another surgery. Gosh I hope not. It seems I just can't catch a break. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Good morning! I walked again this morning. It isn't a major walk but, for me, it is a huge deal. I walked for about 10 minutes. The PVC's have started which I expected. I think I have learned that being tired usually triggers the PVC's. So, rest is the only thing that seems to help. My wife wants me to ask the doctor about another medicine some of her friends are on so I will do that the next time I see him. I also have some strange pains in my sides. Sitting in Church can be very painful and I think it is because my arms are not supported. If I go and sit in the back of the church in a chair the pain seems to get better. The only difference is my arms are supported in the chair and not in the pew.

My weight loss continues and I feel good about that.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

I really don't have very much new to blog about. I seem to be about the same. Still dealing with PVC'S and chest pain but apparently it is nothing to worry about. I am now able to eat some things which is great. I hope to continue experimenting with what I can do with food. My strength does seem to be getting better but I still get so tired. It does seem to me the PVC's are worse the more tired I am. So, I guess I am learning the lesson to get the proper amount of rest. I had a really good day today. I went to my daughter's soccer match and even though I got tired, it was worth it. We had a pumpkin carving at the Church this evening and I was able to enjoy that as well. Bottom line is God is soooo good and I am nothing without him.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

My oldest daughter is 5 years old. Many times she has said "this is the best day ever!"Well, today, her daddy is saying this was the best day ever. It started this morning when I went to her school to attend story telling time with her. They brought her around and her little face lit up as she saw me sitting there. She came and sat beside me. They offered her the opportunity to sit up front but she said no she wanted to sit by her daddy. The story telling was a lot of fun and we both enjoyed it greatly. After the stories were over, I signed her out of school to spend the rest of the day with me. We went to lunch and then left for the fair. She fell asleep on the way over and slept very hard even snoring a bit. But, finally she woke and we went in. I knew it would be rough on me and I was going to get worn out but I didn't care. All I wanted was to spend time with her. She rode ride after ride and her face just lit up with joy. But, she asked me if I would ride with her. I thought about it and decided to give it a shot. You see in years past I would not have been able to ride with her due to how big I was. I had to sit on the sideline and watch her but now I felt I could give it a shot. I didn't care if my heart exploded all I wanted to do was make her happy. So, I got on with her. We rode several rides together and she just smiled and held on to my arm like a girlfriend. Her face was bright with joy and happiness and I was a dad who could ride fair rides with his beloved child. We held hands and walked around the fair together. I just could not believe that I could fit in those rides and didn't care that my heart was skipping beats like every other beat. It just didn't matter. My arm even began to swell where the pacemaker is and still it just didn't matter. I allowed her to play a few games and she won three prizes!! We finished the day watching the pig races. She was even chosen as a cheerleader but our little pig didn't win. After the pig races we came home. She looked at me and said I was the best dad ever. I don't care what else happens that made it all worth while. I am sore and my heart is leaping around in my chest but it is not dangerous and while I know I will be exhausted tomorrow, I had today and it was THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Today, I made a pretty big mistake. First, the day itself went pretty well. I didn't walk today but decided to take a day off. However, the PVC's continued and one was extremely painful. I thought I was going to get a call but it did not come. So, I know that despite the pain they are not dangerous and I just have to accept that they are going to be a part of my life. The new medicine is not working as they continue. I just wish they could get them under control but I guess they cannot. Even while I write this they are there and causing me to be a little short of breath. Sometimes, i do wonder if some of this could be panic attacks but I don't have anything to be panicing about.

I continue to be able to eat. It is wonderful! I eat grits and eggs for breakfast then have a protein bar with shake for lunch and for supper I have tuna and some soup or potatoes. then, I have my treat for the day which is no sugar added ice cream!! yum yum!

Now for the major mistake. I had to feed my dogs and had bought a 40lb bag of dog food this past weekend. I forgot to ask the young man who brought the bag for me to dump the food into the trash can where I store the food. So, I lifted the bag and it was way over the weight I am supposed to lift. I felt the pacemaker pull right away and now the area is once again swollen. I wonder if I will ever learn my lesson. I can feel the pacemaker firing off but I suppose that is a good thing.

Well, that was my day. I hope yours was great!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Today was another good day. Not as good as yesterday but still a good day. I was able to walk again for about 10 minutes. The difference was the PVC'S kicked in right away and have been going all day. I have sent several reports to the monitor folks. They called me around 5pm which spooked me a bit but they said they were not getting clear readings which meant there was a issue with the monitor. I had to change the electrodes which I had already changed but apparently they were defective. I am back up and being monitored. If this continues, I feel I am truly on the road to recovery. I'm still getting tired and I still have chest pain but I am guessing it is just something I will have to live with. I continue to be able to eat and I am getting some good rest so I think that has made a world of difference. God is faithful and I feel his love and support every day.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Today has been the best day I have had since the bariatric surgery in August. I woke this morning and took the girls to Maw Maw. I came back and decided to take a walk so I walked to the hwy and back twice. It was a brisk walk for about 10 minutes. I did not have a noticable PVC!! I did have some discomfort in my chest and a dizzy spell but it was not that bad and I felt so good just having that walk. As the day went on, I had a few PVC's but I did not get as tired as I have been. After a short nap, I woke and fed the dogs. I bathed my youngest daughter and have settled down for the evening. I am tired but it is a good tired not a overwhelming tired like it has been. I hope this day is a foreshadowing of the days to come!!

I have been approved for disability through Nov 1. That is great news! I do wonder if the heart monitor would pick up issues while working though so we may decide to wear it after I return. I do know the monitor is sending things without my pressing the buttons. They told me this would happen if the monitor detected something even if I didn't feel it. I know it is good news though because they have not called me and told me to go to the hospital. I think it is probably PVC's that I don't feel which means I have them more often than even I thought.

On the weight front, I have continued to lose weight. According to our scales at home I have lost another 5lbs. I am able to eat things now which is a huge releaf. I eat a lot of beans which are loaded with protein and grits. I love both and they don't get old.

So, I feel I am on the mend. I just hope today is not a one day wonder and that I will continue to improve. Thank you Father for your love and mercy!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

today I have had a lot of PVC episodes and it continues to frustrate me. I just wish there was a way for them to stop them. I wonder if I will just have to live with them. Today, we took our girls to the fair. I was so worn out just walking around the fair. Even if I sat it did not seem to help. The pain in my chest and upper stomach area was so intense. We went to the OakRidge concert which was fantastic and my youngest daughter was tired so I put her on my lap. She did not realize what she did but she basically headbutted my right on the pacemaker. The pain was incredible. I am concerned she did some damage and may need to call the cardiologist tomorrow. The area is really swollen and hurts even now. I have taken the pain medicine and just trust it will work.

On the food front however, there is nothing but good news. I am now able to eat beans and rice and I even ate a piece of sirloin burger no bun this past Friday. Beans are loaded with protein so that is great to be getting them down. So, the saga continues.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Today I have felt pretty good. I have had a lot of PVC episodes and they continue to frustrate me. But, at least I know they are being monitored and they are not advising that I go to the hospital. God continues to be faithful and I am resting in the comfort of his love. The one thing I have learned above all others things is his faithfulness is never ceasing. Other practical things I have learned is to make sure your affairs are in order no matter your age. I have prepared my will, power of attorney, and even my funeral plans. I have the peace of mind knowing that is already taken care of.

Well, tomorrow is Church day!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

today has been a pretty good day. I have had a few episodes but nothing major. I did fine until I had to get the girls. I just don't know why I get so tired after I spend even the least time with them. It is so frustrating. The cardiologist did tell me there is a danger I could pull the wire lose from my heart. If I do, then they will have to do yet another surgery. I am to take it easy and do basically nothing with my left arm for 6 weeks! That will be so hard.Maybe I need to wear the sling to keep from using it.

On the food front, I was able to eat some beans and rice for supper. I had beans for lunch as well and grits for breakfast. This is the first day since the band was put in that I had three distinct meals. That is progress. No meat today but plenty of protein in those beans.

I simply cannot allow this to continue. I have got to get over this and get back to work. I want to go to work but right now I am just not ready.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Bariatric doctor says I am not ready for an adjustment. They say my weight loss is right on track but that I should no longer be getting nauseated. The nausea is not as bad but it is still there. they also were concerned about my heart and felt it was just too risky right now. The doctor told me that some people just do not tolerate the band and if things don't get better they may have to take it out. I will admit I have mixed emotions about that. I am glad it is in and it certainly has helped me with weight loss. But, at the same time, are some of these health issues related to the band? I tend to think so but not all. They also told me they cannot do an adjustment until I am able to eat some meats. So, tonight for supper, I ate some tuna. No bread just the tuna. I was able to get it in without any issues but we will see if it causes problems later. I am to go back in 4 weeks for them to determine how best to proceed.

On the heart issue, the monitor is on and I have had a few episodes today. Nothing major. Hopefully they have seen them. It is going to be interesting to see how I do at night.
The heart monitor is on and activated. It is weird to think I have to wear this for 2 weeks but I think it will get me some answers. I continue to lose weight. Today, I have an appointment with my surgeon but I don't want any adjustments. At least not at this time. If I stop losing then I will want an adjustment. I have not heard back from my disability specialist since I called Thursday. I called again yesterday and really would like to hear back. I continue to be concerned this is going to go on for a while. But, I want to get to the bottom of this so I can have some peace of mind. Thankfully, I have a great wife and wonderful kids who love me and support me. Right now, the swelling in the left shoulder from the pacemaker continues. It can be painful but usually goes away.

Yesterday was a very special day for me. Cottia, my oldest daughter had a little accident at school and we had to take her to the medical center for some staples. After we left I got to spend the rest of the day with her. I took her to the farm so we could ride on the golf cart. then, we left and visited with my cousin. then, we bought fair tickets and went out to eat. I loved every minute of it. After our meal we took birthday invitations for my youngest daughter to my other cousin's house. Cottia was so sweet. It was one of the best days I have ever had.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Today has been a pretty good day. I have had several flutters in the heart but they have not been painful so that is good. when I woke this morning I picked up the house a bit and did the dishes. then, I spent the rest of the day resting. Emily is sick so she came home early from school. we both took a long nap which was nice. We dont get a lot of time like that together. Now, Eva is sick. She is running a fever and throwing up. I am worried I will get it and selfishly that would not be good. Right now, I am fine but it seems my luck that if it is out there I am going to get it. right now, though, my focus is on my little girl. Emily was not home when I got her with her so I had to pick her up on my own. the place in my shoulder where the pacemaker is has swollen like a grapefruit. I will just have to keep an eye on it and hope it goes down. Please pray for my little girl. It is so hard when they are sick and I love her so much.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

One thing I have learned is that when I am off work I still talk on the phone. Granted most of the calls have been to doctor's but still I should take a break from the phones. the area over the pacemaker is still swollen. I have been told by two medical people that it should not be swollen this far after surgery. So, I guess I have to call the cardio again tomorrow. Apparently it is the blood around the incision that causes the swelling. I took the girls to Church this morning. I felt ok but as the morning wore on I began to get very tired. My wife is sick so she is not able to do what she has been doing. It is hard for me but I have to do all I can to help out. I was supposed to return to work tomorrow but when I discussed it with my heart doctor he agreed that I am not ready. The monitor is due to arrive Tuesday and to be activated Wednesday. I will wear it for 14 days. I have been told they call when the least little thing happens. This includes in the middle of the night. I may have to consider sleeping in the guest room so Emily can get sleep during that time. I am not sure how much longer I will be out but I would think I will remain out while wearing the monitor. Still, the weight loss is progressing. So far, I have lost 90lbs. I go back to the bariatric surgeon Wednesday but I do not feel I need an adjustment. Not until I know for sure what is going on with my heart. If I stop losing then I may consider it. For now, the journey continues.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Today has been a good day. I got up, picked up the house, and washed dishes. I did get tired but I did not feel washed out like I usually do. I rested for several hours then took the trash off and got my new medicine. I have been having periodic episodes of PVC's but nothing I can't handle. the monitor has not arrived yet but hopefully it will get here before the end of the day. The weather is so beautiful outside. I really enjoyed getting out even if it was for only a few minutes. Today, I was able to eat some chicken. the kind you buy in a can for cooking. I mixed it with mashed potatoes it was wonderful! time will tell as to how I tolerate it. I am so grateful to have a good day. I hope it continues.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Today has not been too bad other than just being so tired. My cardiologist says he is going to get to the bottom of all this and wants me to wear a heart monitor. they are sending it to me in the mail and I am to wear it for 24hrs. With my luck I won't have any episodes while I am wearing it. It is funny, at this point I simply want answers no matter what they are. I have already contacted my disability and manager at work and that is taken care of. I hope I don't have to go back in the hospital but I do worry that is a possibility. I had some very bad dizzy spells today but they went away. I have not had any serious PVC episodes this afternoon but did this morning. We will see what tomorrow brings.
Yesterday I had PVC episodes throughout the day. Last night I had an especially rough one. So far this morning I have not had any. But, I am heading back to my cardiologist this morning. I find myself torn. I want to go back to work but don't feel I am ready. I really want some answers before I go back. I feel I need that peace of mind. I will post again later once I have gotten my report from the doctor.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I woke this morning feeling pretty good. I decided to take a walk so I walked from our house to hwy 321 and back which was about .25 of a mile. Not very far. The walk itself was great. It felt good being out and I didn't have any problems. But, when I got home and sat down I had a spell of PVC for about 5 minutes. It was scary and I thought about calling 911. But, I decided to call my cardiologist. They said for me not to walk again until the doctor has a chance to see me. The nurse was going to check with him to see what he thought. I am scheduled to see him Friday but that may change depending on what he thinks. I am still waiting to hear back from them. I have had more PVC episodes throughout the afternoon but they have not been as bad as the one earlier. Everytime I have one though it is unnerving.

I am doing much better when it comes to being able to get nutrician in though.

They are also considering how to proceed with disability.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

My left shoulder is swollen like a grapefruit and it is painful. So, I went to my cardiologist today. They said it will get better that I just have to remember I have been through a lot in a month and it is just going to take time. I am still so tired but again they said just give it time. I guess I am trying to make this all happen to fast. I am so anxious about returning to work next week. I want to go back but am I truly ready? Right now, I don't think so and neither does the doctor. But, it will probably be good for me to have my daily routine again. The removed the bandage and gave me some new pads to put on the wound. I am also to stop taking bystolic and return to diovan. I go back Friday and we will make a final decision about returning to work and where we go from here. On a bright note, I had lost another 3lbs. My new jeans are already lose which is an incredible feeling. I don't plan to lose a lot more weight but I just want to make sure I maintain what I have accomplished. After the doctor appointment, I went on a quest and found some ice cream I can have. I can't wait to get into it. Right now, I am living off soup and puddings and protein. All in all that isn't too bad. I am so grateful to everyone who continues to pray for me and to worry about me. I had a true example of friendship today as a friend came over and cut our grass. He showed me true love. So many people have offered to help and we are so grateful. God's people coming through when we need them.

Monday, October 4, 2010

I thought this was going to be a better day but it wasn't. I went to visit my mom and all I did was to drive down there. After I left I stopped by for a few groceries and then came home. I was completely exhausted. I wonder if the pacemaker is too slow. My left shoulder is in quite a bit of pain and I have some swelling. I called my cardiologist and hope to hear back from them tomorrow. I have not had a bowel movement since Thursday so something is wrong there as well. I just can't get my energy back and wonder how much longer this will go on. I feel so discouraged right now. But, I am not going to give up. My girls and wife are counting on me and I love them too much to give up.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Today is the Lord's day and homecoming at my Church. 175 years of serving God and spreading the gospel. I got up and showered to go. I felt pretty good other than the soreness in my shoulder. People were so kind and concerned. I felt their love and it really made me feel special. I suppose we all need to feel that from time to time. My mother in law left this morning so the real test will begin as we have to take care of things without her help. She has been invaluable over the last few days taking care of the girls. As Sunday school went along I became more and more tired. I tried to stay for worship but just could not. I am so wiped out right now. I got a good nights sleep and thought this was behind me. Hopefully it is just a 1 day event. I plan to rest this afternoon and hopefully start walking tomorrow. We will see.

Happy birthday Sardis Baptist!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Today was a pretty good day. I didn't do very much so I didn't have any stress to deal with. I did have some pains in the chest that radiated to my neck but it passed. There was also a small pain in my left shoulder but it also went away. Right now, I feel pretty good and hope I have really turned a corner. I am thinking I may go to Church tomorrow. It is homecoming and I really want to go but I don't expect to stay for the meal after. On the weight issue, my mom made some squash soup which was very good! I was able to get a lot of it in and it did not make me feel sick or nauseated. I ate a small amount of mashed potatoes but mostly I have sipped on the soup. I also am getting sugar free popcicles in my system. I have not decided weather to go back for an adjustment. I am so disappointed in the way my surgery center has handled things that I may consider finding another center for my follow up appointments. Don't get me wrong, the surgery center did a lot arranging everything and making the surgery happen but they have yet to follow up with me which makes me think their only interest was making the money on the surgery and not my actual well being. I am not sure I want that as a part of my care. I really want a doctor that has my best interest at heart which I know I have with my cardiologist. I have done all the contacting when it comes to the bariatric center and on several occasions they have not even bothered to call me back. When I called them about the issue with my mouth they said it was thrush without even seeing me. I had the doctor check it out at the hospital and she said it was not thrush. So, I have been taking something that I did not need which really frustrates me. That is just one example of how my surgery center has not given me the type of care I feel I deserved. I even called an office manager last week twice and have yet to hear back from her. I know folks are busy but come on. If I do decide to have an adjustment, it will probably be only once. I don't feel I need to lose very much more weight and right now, I am happy with where I am and the foods I can eat. I truly feel I have been given a second chance at life with the pacemaker and the weight I have lost. I will make a decision on how to proceed with the surgery center next week.

Friday, October 1, 2010

this blog will be short as my left arm is really sore and hard to use. the pacemaker is in and working great. For the first time I can remember I don't feel my heart beating. It is just like it isn't there. I am tired but really believe this is going to be a turning point in my life. I have lost another 3lbs so the weight loss continues. God is so faithful and his mercy always amazes me. I am scheduled to be off work for 1 more week. I have a follow up appointment with my cardiologist Friday and hopefully he will allow me back to work. Bottom line, the pacemaker may be the best thing that has happened to me.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Yesteday was a pretty good day. I woke up, picked up the house for about 20 minutes and then was worn out. I didn't do much else the rest of the day until the evening. I gave the baby a bath and that wore me out but I had to take my oldest daughter to soccer practice. Luckily all I had to do was sit during the practice. I had to use the cane again to walk because I was so weak. But, we got through it. My mother came over and watched Eva for us which was a tremendous help. She spent the night as well which always thrills my heart. It is always nice to have that sweet lady in our home. Today, I woke up really tired despite having a great nights sleep. I am planning to watch a little tv and then will probably go back to bed. I do plan to do some laundry but even that will wear me out. My mother in law is coming today to help and we are looking forward to having her. I have explained to my oldest daughter what is going on. I was able to eat come grits yesterday and soup so my intake is getting better which is good. Tomorrow is pacemaker day. I am so ready to get this behind me. I hope and pray this will be a turning point in my life and that I am going to get my energy back. I believe God is faithful and will see our family through all of this.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Today, I got some answers. I have a heart condition which is causing my heart to beat at a slower than normal rate. It is consistently in the 40's. So, I have to have a pacemaker. The surgery is scheduled for Thursday. It is a pretty routine procedure and I do believe it will make me feel better and able to get my life back in order. I have called my manager and my disability to see where we go from here. The doctor said it will probably take at least a week to recover and that I may have to spend the night. But, all of that is up in the air. The major thing to me is I now have some answers. Hopefully this will correct the energy thing and keep me up and going. I am thankful for that. God is in control so I am in his hands.
Thursday and Friday were pretty good days. But, Saturday and Sunday were not. I went to my daughter's soccer match and had to use my cane to walk from the car to the field. It wasn't that far but I felt so weak. I know my wife became concerned and wanted to take me home. So, we came home and I spent most of the rest of the day in the bed. Sunday, I got up, took a shower and was completely washed out. I did manage to make it through both Sunday School and worship but was done for the rest of the day. I did manage to eat some very thin mashed potatoes and grits over the weekend but it wasn't much. My mom made me some lima bean soup which I love and I was able to get that down. The nausea seems to be better and I think it is because of starting to take the nexium again. I really do not feel I am ready to return to work. My body is just not in shape to return. I am going to call yet again the surgeon's office to ask them about it. I have two doctor's appointments today one with my GI and the other with my cardio. I am curious as to how my heart rate is and what they think is causing the spasms. I will post again this evening once I have had the appointments.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Thursday and Friday were pretty good days but I think it was because I basically stayed in the house and didn't do anything. Today, however, is another story. I was very weak and tired. I did not feel nausea because they prescribed me some medicine to help. I am hopeful that will help in the long run. I have also developed thrush in my mouth. It is very painful but they gave me a prescription for that as well. I was able to eat some very soft grits and a little very soupy mashed potatoes today so that is good. I honestly do not think I am ready to go back to work. I am just too weak at this time. I have to use a cane from time to time just because I get so worn out. The blood tests did show everything seems ok from that stand point. The doctor's office told me I have to remember I did have major surgery. I just never thought of band surgery as major surgery but I guess it is. So, I continue to hope for the best and that my body will make the adjustments so I can move on. From a psychological point of view, I am ready to go back to work. But, from a physical point of view I just don't see it happening. Please continue to pray.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Today I ate my first grits since surgery. They tasted soooooo good. I ate one of the little packets but was only able to get about half of it down. I thought I did ok but as the day has gone on I have felt more and more nauseated. I still have not thrown up but this is the closest I have felt to throwing up. I am also feeling fatigued which I had hoped was behind me. the surgeon's office did not call me back today so I guess it is up to me once again to contact them. That may be the most frustrating thing about this whole process. I think they believe I should be further along than I am and just are not following up with me. I refuse to just go away. Hopeully this is just a glitch in the road and it will get better. Time will tell.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Today I had an upper GI. the drink is very nasty but I got through it. The good news is the band is exactly where it is supposed to be and is working normally. The liquid flowed just like it is supposed to. The bad news is I am having esophogial spasms. They are very painful at times and mimic a heart attack. This explains why I have chest pains so often. But, they do not know why I am having them as the band should be preventing reflux. So, I have to see my gastro Monday and we will see if further tests are required. I also had a complete blood work done and hope to have the results tomorrow. I think the reason I am nauseated is because of the spasms but we will have to let the doctor's make that decision. Overall, today was a good day. I got some rest and feel very relaxed tonight. Friday I am supposed to be able to eat some grits and soft foods like mashed potatoes. I told Emily if I throw up I don't care. I just want something other than protein drink in my system!!

total weight loss is now 83lbs.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I saw my cardiologist today. He took me off my heart medicine to see how I will do. I have to follow up with him Monday. My BP was 120/80. I simply cannot ask for any better than that. They will follow my blood pressure but for now I am no longer on BP medicine. I am also off my reflux medicine. So, as of today, the only medicine I am on is my daily aspirine. The savings we will enjoy on medicines will be incredible.

I went to a nutrician store to buy some protein. It is very expensive but the taste isn't half bad. It is just like flavored water so it is much easier to get down. I am hopeful that once I get past these first few weeks I will not need the expensive protein and can find something that works for less money.

As of today, I have lost 82lbs. My cloths are falling off and I have got to buy some new cloths. That is an incredible feeling.

One of the reasons I am off the heart medicine is it is hoped that it will take away the side effects I have been having. We should know in a few days.

I continue to be fatigued and nauseated but I feel I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I may have to back on some medicines in the future but for now I am going to enjoy not having to take several tablets to start my day.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Today, I didn't do very much at all which was probably a good thing. I did wash some dishes and did some laundry which wore me out but I didn't leave the house. I called the surgeon's office and left a message with his nurse but as of right now, I have not heard anything back. I called my cardiologist and they want to see me tomorrow. I continue to be nauseated and feel tired but all I can do is get through it. God is my strength so I really don't need anything else.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

yesterday and today have been really rough. I went to the wedding at Hunting Island and it completely wore me out. All I did was to walk to the chair and sit. I enjoyed sitting and watching the waves come in and the sound of the ocean but how could that wear me out so mucn? I wanted to go with Emily and Cottia for the dolphin adventure but I simply could not. So, I went back to the hotel room to rest. I found myself feeling very sick in the car so I wonder if, for the first time in my life, I am experiencing car sickness. Once I was back in the room I began to feel better. We found some concentrated protein at walmart. 2ozs have 26 grams of protein. I am able to get that in but so far I dont feel it is making a difference in my energy level. I find myself trying to do things once I stand up because as soon as I sit down I am completely exhausted. I think the hardest thing for me is when my family gets to order meals at McDonalds, Hardees, Burger King, or taco bell and I am left there to watch them eat. I find myself wanting to tear into a quarter pounder with cheese, coke a nd fries with all my heart. But, I know I can't and that it isn't good for me so I have to realize this is something I simply have to get used to. I also have been having pains in my rib area on both sides and I don't know where it is coming from. I suppose it could be the healing process but who knows for sure. Everytime I wake my mouth is completely dry and my lips remain parched. So, once again, I feel I need to call the surgeon's office and let them know what is going on.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Today has not been as good as yesterday. I woke nauseated and it stayed with me most of the day. All I have been able to get in was half a protein shake and some water. My lips are dry and my mouth feels like cotten with some moisture. I am very tired today and just want to sleep. I still don't think I am depressed although it is a concern. I did not call the surgeon's office as I thought they might call to check on me but they didn't. I just hate this feeling of weakness and having no energy. But, I have to realize this too will pass and that I have had some good days so as time goes on those good days will become more frequent. ON the bright side, I have now lost a total of 78lbs!! A pound a day isn't bad!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I am a bit late in posting today's blog. Thanks to my friend Troy for reminding me. Today was a pretty good day. I felt more energy but still got very tired towards the end of the day. I felt faint around 6pm and thankfully Emily was here if I had needed her. I grabed the love chair and was able to keep from falling. I had to sit for a while but never actually passed out. I got more nutrition in today than I have been able to so far. So, maybe I have turned a corner. I certainly hope so. According to our scales, I have lost 6lbs this week which means 26lbs since the surgery and a total of 76 since I started trying to lose weight. I am very pleased with that. I am having some strange pains in my right side just below my rib cage but I don't think it is anything to worry about. If it gets worse I'll call the surgeon's office. Right now, I just want to keep the momentum from today and hope it continues.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I called the surgeon's office today and was told I have to get more protein in or I could really be in trouble. They don't think I am in starvation mode as I am still losing weight (another 5lbs this week). None the less, I was told to try different types of protein and see if I can get it in. As far as the day itself went, it was better than yesterday. I did have more energy over all but got really worn down by the end of the day. Tomorrow I will check out some different types of protein and see if I can get more in. They said I am not getting even half of what I need so that is really not good. If I stop losing weight and continue the way I am going that is when starvation mode becomes a concern because it means my body is saving everything it can to survive. this is more serious than I though. I have simply got to get past this so I can live my life the way I want for my wife and girls.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Yesterday was a good day. I had more energy than I have had since the surgery. I saw the surgeon and he did not seem too concerned about things so I left a bit frustrated but feeling I need to trust them and move on. I did fall asleep on the couch after giving the baby a bath and getting her ready for bed. Emily said I was asleep with my mouth open which I am sure was very funny but at least they did me the courtesy of not taking any pictures or anything else. Today, however, was back to the old. I am exhausted with no energy. I continue to have problems swallowing my heart pill which I don't understand. I did mention that to the surgeon but he said to try to wrap it in a piece of turkey to get it to go down it didn't help. I called the surgeon's office again and hope to hear from them tomorrow. I remain frustrated and tired.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Today is another day of pure exhaustion. I took a shower this morning to go to Church and was completely worn out after. I did go to Church but had to leave early because I was just too tired. When Emily and the girls got home we were able to take a nap so when I got up I tried to clean a little and that wore me out too. I was able to eat a little pudding which is good but I felt nausea this evening. I am going to try to get some soup broth down and hope that will help. I've tried to determine if I may be depressed but I have been depressed before and this does not feel the same. I just get worn out by the least little thing. The main cause of frustration is my girls. Everyone that knows me knows I am a very hands on dad and I simply do not have the strength to do what I normally do with my girls. I am also having problems swallowing. My heart pills are very small and they are difficult to get down so I have to discuss this with the doctor tomorrow. My appointment is at 3pm and we will see where we go from there. But, life goes on. My wife in simply incredible. She is pulling double duty right now and has offered no complaint. I am truly blessed to have her and so are our girls. Please continue to pray for her and our girls. They don't fully understand why daddy can't do the things they are used to having him do. thanks!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Today, I think I am more tired than I have been which is saying a lot. But, I did get to spend the day with my youngest daughter which was great. She is so cute. I have been able to sip as the day goes on and I even got down some sugar free pudding but I did feel nausea. It passed. My hope is my strength will come back and I can get up and move some. I tried to clean a little but just got worn out. I fell asleep in my chair which is also unusual. But, I continue on. The main thing is to keep drinking to get hydrated. God is faithful.

Friday, September 10, 2010

This is another day and another blog. According to our home scales I now weigh 276. According to the doctor's scales, I weigh 280. Either way, I have lost almost 20lbs in a week. While I am glad I have lost the weight it is not healthy. I was not able to see my surgeon as he was off today but the doctor I did see seemed concerned. He said I am severly dehydrated and the band is too tight so he losened it and hopefully that will make a difference. I was a bit surprised they did not hook me up to an IV to get fluids in but he said losening the band should allow me to get fluid in which should take care of the dehydration. I am so tired. I am not to try to eat anything right now and am just to try to drink. So far, I am not nauseated so we will see how this goes. I feel better with the band losened. I can actually breath. So, another day another blog.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

One thing I promised myself was that I would be completely honest in all of these blogs so here we go. Today, I feel I have made a huge mistake. I am sick, tired, and everytime I try to put anything in my system I get nauseated (sp). I called the doctor's office today to see if what I was going through was normal. They said everyone is different which I understand but they seem to think I am simply having lose stool and not diaherrea. I feel I know the difference and I think I have diaherrea. I am extremely concerned that I am dehydrated or am on the verge of dehydration. I am able to sip water. But, I try to sip the protein and I just can't. I get a little in and then begin to feel sick so I have to put it down. I wonder if the band is too tight? But, I am not sure how that can be. I get light headed everytime I stand up. When I called the surgery center today they did say they want to see me tomorrow which is good. If I can get my strength back and am able to put something in without feeling sick I will be ok. If not, I think they may need to take the band out. Time will tell. So, tomorrow is another of those days when I will learn more. In the mean time, for those who care and actually read these blogs, I continue to pledge to be honest with each and every post.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Today has been a little interesting. I continue to be fatigued and have little to no energy. I went to town for a dentist appointment and was completely exhausted after. But, I needed to run a few errands which meant I needed to stay in town for a while. I called my cardiologist and they wanted to see me so they scheduled me for this afternoon. They did an EKG and my heart is beating fine but it is slow. today it was 50 beats a minute. The previous EKG's done at the hospital both showed it in the 40's. So, the doctor said I need to cut the bystolic in half. Since I already have a full bottle he said it would be ok to simply cut the tablets in half and see how I do. So, we will try that. He is going to see me again on Sept 28th before I am scheduled to return to work so we can see where my heart rate is at that time.

On another note, according to the scales, I have lost another 3lbs. So far since surgery, I have lost 14lbs!! That is in a week! Amazing truly amazing.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Today has been rough. I am just so tired. My heart is beating at about 42-46 beats per minute. I think it is because of the bystolic my cardio has me on. I am going to call them tomorrow. If I had more energy, I might be ok. But, I just don't. Tonight, I helped with the girls bath and was worn out after. The pain in the back is still there but I can live with that. I am still concerned I am dehydrated or an becoming dehydrated. I simply cannot get much in. I am sure that is contributing to my being tired as well. So, tomorrow the doctor's get another call and we will see where we go from there. My spirits are good and I am determined to see this through. Right now, it is tough. Please continue to pray as I feel them every day. thanks! t

Monday, September 6, 2010

Today was challenging but I wanted it that way. Today was Labor day and we always have a big family get together for any holiday. My family had asked was I really up to it but I felt I needed them and wanted them around which meant food and lots of it. I think I handled it pretty well. There were moments when I just wanted to dig in and enjoy but I knew I couldn't. I did feel some hunger but nothing major. I sipped on my broth and drank some unsweetened tea and did just fine! I am very proud of myself as this was the first major test past surgery. Everyone seemed to have a great time which also made it worth while. I love family get togethers and food is always a big part of these events. As my body adjusts to the band I will be able to eat but will have to learn what I can eat and how much. For now, I have done well. The next major test will be my youngest daughter's birthday which is not until the latter part of October so I have some time to adjust. On another note, I am concerned as to why I am so tired all the time. I just have no energy. Plus, my back is in major pain. I am sure it has something to do with sleeping on my back but this pain is really difficult. I will probably speak with the doctor's office tomorrow so hopefully they can shed some light on this. Well, another day another pound as they say! Have a great one those who read these posts.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

It is Sunday which means it is surgery plus 3 days. I am doing ok but I have to admit I have had more pain than I expected. I had some issues emptying my bladder after the surgery and ended up spending the night Thursday. I slept well and was ready to come home Friday. I am amazed at how quickly I feel full after just a few sips of broth or water. That is a great feeling. One of my major concerns was feeling hunger but so far it is not an issue. I have had some nausea but nothing major. Today, I drank some tea which felt great. Of course, it was sweetened with splenda. My wife has been amazing. She has taken care of me and our girls during this process. My mother in law also came down and has been an incredible help. My mother has kept a close eye on the situation and also stands ready to help if we need it. People have offered their concern and prayers which I appreciate. I know this is going to take some getting used to but right now I feel good about what I have done. Today I weighed and I have lost another 10lbs. That is truly amazing. Now, I just need to rest as much as I can and walk when I can. Oh, on the walking front, I am walking around the house which is helping. The soreness is getting better but sometimes I have a shoting pain that is hurtful. It does not last long and then I feel better. So, the adventure continues. Thank you again for all your prayers and support. Now, I weigh less than I have weighed in over 5 years. The greatest part of this is I have done most of it on my own. Now, the band will help me achieve the rest of my goals.