today I kept my youngest daughter. We had so much fun. We started the day at my moms as she made breakfast for us. Then, we came back home and she took a good nap. When she woke, we got my oldest daughter and headed back to my mom's. It was cold but we rode the golf cart and really enjoyed the beautiful farm. Finally, we came home after some supper at the barbeque place in Swansea...which is awesome I might add. I am able to eat some barbeque but it is less than a childs plate. Still, I am happy I can eat it and enjoy it without pigging out. We came home and I decided to get our Christmas things out so we could put up our trees and get ready to decorate. That is where I made my mistake. I didn't do very much but as everyone knows, putting up Christmas trees requires some lifting. Right now, the pain is probably worse than it has been. I am really hurting and just want to sit and do nothing right now. I HATE THIS! I want so desperately to help with the Christmas decorating. I have always done that. Daddy puts up the trees and helps with decorating. Mom does the arranging. I feel like a part of me has been put out to pasture. Tomorrow, I have some friends coming over to help and I appreciate them but this is supposed to be what daddy does! It is almost like I am a 70 year old man instead of a 47 year old dad. My shoulder is throbing right now from the pacemaker but my heart seems to be ok just a sore shoulder. Our home is always so beautiful at this time of year. My wife knows how to arrange everything and the girls eyes just light up. Instead of being the vibrant Father I used to be I feel I am relagated to the sidelines and asking others to do what I should be able to do. Will it be this way for the rest of my life? I simply don't know. I want my life back!