Today I called the surgeon's office again but have not heard back from them. The pain in my back has now moved all the way to the small of the back. I am concerned and don't understand how this could be happening. I expected pain in the rectum (no laughing) but not my tail bone. And for it to be moving cannot be good. Something has got to be done to get me some releaf.

I weighed tonight and was impressed that I have lost another 5lbs! but, I told my wife it also worries me because I have been eating especially this past weekend so I did not think I would have lost any weight. I am grateful but also worried that something else is going on.

Last night was very rough with my heart too. I could not fall asleep and sweated. The pain was so intense but once again I chose to ride it out instead of doing the smart thing and calling an ambulance. I think I am embarrassed that this seems to happen so often yet they find only minor things. There is comfort in knowing they don't consider these issues with my heart to be life threatening but living with these episodes is really difficult.

I am scheduled to return to work Dec 7th but wonder if that will happen. I am so glad I have the kind of disability I have but really want to get back to work. I just don't think I can take the pain and do my job as it needs to be done. I am still having to take pain medicine which does worry me. I am afraid of becoming dependent. I only take it when I can't stand the pain anymore hopefully it will pass soon.

I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving and will remember all we have to be thankful for in our great country.

t

Today the pain is as bad as it has ever been. I told my wife that I wonder if I am just going to be one of those people that has pain all of his life. It is so discouraging but it is what it is. The pain medicine does not seem to help very much so I am concerned there is just nothing the doctors can do. I will call the doctor again tomorrow and yet again hope to be seen. I try every chair available and have yet to find one that I am comfortable in. My daughter was so wonderful, she went through the entire house trying every chair and couch to see if she could find one that would be comfortable for me. I love that little girl so much. So, the struggle continues. I'm not sure if I will indeed go back to work on the 7th but will discuss with the doctor when I see him hopefully this week.

The pain in my spine continues and seems to be getting worse. I swear I just feel like I am shell shocked. I tried to call the doctor yesterday but they are out until Monday so I will have to contact them then and see if he can see me again before I am scheduled to return to work. Still, family and friends are my rock and continue to lift me up. I am forever grateful to them all for all they have done and for the prayers.

Today is Thanksgiving and the first major holiday since having the band surgery. I wondered how I would do and if I would be able to eat. Well, the verdict is in and I did GREAT! We had a full thanksgiving meal with stuffing, turkey, dressing, biscuits and all the trimmings. I was able to eat a little of what I wanted and felt full after only 1 plate!! I did not want seconds and felt like I used to feel after 2 full plates and a full plate of dessert. I found it ironic that the mashed potatoes went down easier than the stuffing did. Not sure why but the stuffing was very easy to eat. I enjoyed a piece of sweet potatoe pie and it was very good. The bottom line is I enjoyed a holiday meal and did not stuff myself. I continue to lose weight and now the total weight loss is 105lbs! I really feel good about today and the future with my weight.

Today has seen another round of extreme pain in my lower spine. I simply do not know what is causing this and wonder if it is even related to everything else or is it something new that has come about. My heart continues to give me problems too and there is even a little pain in my lower jaw which is of some concern. I am completely worn out and still struggle to have any energy at all. I am tired, scared, worried and all of the emotions that come with it. But, I also know God is in control no matter what and it will all work out in the end. I am going to call the doctor Monday and see if I can get back in. I honestly don't think I am physically able to go back to work on the 7th even though I desperately want to. I am thinking we might have to look at the possibility of part time for a while until I get my strength back. But, for right now, I am just so weak and tired.

finally, if anyone reads this post, thank you for your prayers and concern. I truly feel them and appreciate them. Just seems like it has been such a long road.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL AND MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU!

Today I have thought about all that I have been through and all that I have. The Bible tells me to be thankful in all things and I wonder if I have truly done that during all of this. While it is true my body has been through a lot, my soul has been enriched by the ministering of the Holy Spirit and all God has given me. I am thankful for all the surgeries, heart issues, physical and emotional issues I have been through the past few months because I have learned just how precious life is and how much I truly love my wife and children. I am thankful that God has allowed me to go through all of this because it has taught me to rely more on him than doctors or hospitals. He is my rock and my strength. Without his everlasting grace I would truly be nothing.

It is funny how a day can start off pretty good then go down hill. I woke this morning feeling pretty good and thinking wow this is great! I did a few things around the house and thought I was heading for a great day. I went to my mom's for some coffee and then returned home. I realized the pain was starting and I needed to take some pain medicine. I called my wife to let her know and then took a nap. I woke and once again thought I was feeling ok. I had done some laundry and was putting it away as the pain crept back in. It really began to intensify and now I am completely washed. I did not do much just trying to do some of the basics of life and I still struggle. I continue to spot blood when I have a bowel movement which I don't think is supposed to be happening at this stage. I will call the surgeon yet again and hope for the best. Yesterday was horrible with my pacemaker and today it continued. Everytime I think I am at the end of this battle it seems to find a way to shoot back at me. So, the troubles continue but God is faithful and I know I will come through. I am surrounded with family and friends who are pulling and praying for me and I am thankful for them all.

the pvc's have really been active the past two days and I have been concerned that the pacemaker is acting up. There is just a very strange sensation in my chest. So much and so many things. My heart is just breaking that I cannot seem to get past all of this. But, I continue to be blessed with a wonderful wife and great kids. God continues to guide even in the midst of all of this.

It amazes me how my life has changed in the last few months. I have lost over 100lbs. I have a new outlook on life as it pertains to my body and how I look. I have a pacemaker. My heart has had issues but the pacemaker should enhance my quality of life and give me a bright future. I have had hemmorid surgery and never experienced such pain in my life. But, this too shall pass. My girls continue to grow and my love for them is greater now than ever. God has blessed me in ways I never thought possible. The past few months have certainly been hard and I still have a ways to go but I have made it and feel the future is going to be exciting and a worthwhile adventure.

Received word today that my disability has been extended and approved. I am so thankful that I have the job I have. Now to simply rest. I have responsibilities and it is hard not to do things I am used to doing. The only time I am not in pain is when I am in the bed. I just don't want my life to become a bed ridden life. I have too much to live for and too much to do.

I had my follow up with my doctor today and am staying out until December 7th. The appointment ran late and I did not get out until 4:45. The doctor will call my disability folks tomorrow and extend the time. I am grateful to my doctor and really want all this pain to go away. The only time I don't experience pain is when I am in the bed. Sitting is very painful and even standing is painful. The problem I have is there is very little they can do except to allow it time to heal.

On another note, I lost another 3lbs. The doctor said they don't want to do any adjustments with all my body has been through until they know for sure my body can take it. I am glad he is being patient.

Yesterday my oldest daughter started throwing up. She did not run a fever and seems a lot better today. She did throw up some in the night but so far none today. Hopefully it was a quick stomach virus and has passed. So far no one else in the house is sick. I continue to be in a lot of discomfort and to struggle with bowel movements. I did succeed today and it felt like razor blades. The most intense pain I have ever had in my life. Tomorrow I go back for my follow up with my surgeon. I don't expect him to release me to return to work. My spirit struggles with all of this and continues to wonder why so much in such a short period of time. God has a plan and I know he will take care of us so I must continue to simply trust his will.

Today has not been as bad as yesterday but it has still been rough. The morning started out ok but went down. I did take my pain medicine and knocked myself out. I have spoken with my disability and have all my ducks in a row. I know if the doctor does extend my disability, I will be fine. I experienced the chest pressure again today. There is a difference between chest pain and chest pressure. This is more like the elephant sitting on my chest than pinching pains like I am used to. But, it goes away and I have had it before. So, I am just going to trust that it is ok. If I break out in a sweat or the pains move to my jaw then I will become concerned. I am back to using the cane from time to time not all the time though. I mainly need it to help me stand up and sit down. I just feel so inadequate right now. But, as always, I know God is in control.

I am posting a second blog today because of how bad it has been. When I was writing the last blog I was in a lot of pain and had just taken the pain medicine. It did help but the pain is still very intense. I did not realize I had three hemerroids. I found out tonight. That explains so much. There was one external and two internal. This was a far more invasive procedure than I had realized. No wonder I am in so much pain. I have done some research and believe I still have another week and a few days left under FMLA. I will discuss with my doctor Monday regarding weather I can return to work or not. We discussed tonight what might happen for us as a family and will trust God in all his mercy and love that we will be taken care of no matter what. The pain is so bad right now that simply getting up and down in a chair is a challenge. I just hope I don't have to go back into the hospital. Another issue has risen it's ugly head and that is my heart. Today the heaviness on my chest was just like a heart attack. It passed but it was very intense. I hope it was nothing serious but it did scare me. This time I think it was because of stress and worrying. Sometimes I really feel like I just cannot catch a break.

today has been simply horrible. the pain is the worst I have ever felt. I thought I was doing better but today has certainly been a set back. I tried to do some things this morning but now I can barely move. I have taken the pain medicine and hope it will simply knock me out. I am also bleeding again which concerns me. I also thought that was supposed to be over. I just want to crawl under a rock right now. I will say this the pain right now is worse than all the pain from the other surgeries combined. I wonder if I could call the doctor again but I call them everyday it seems. Please Father let this pain ease up.

today I seemed to have more pain than I have had in a while. The PVC's have always been there but today they were very noticeable. I know they are not life threatening and I just have to get used to them but they continue to take my breath away and cause some dizziness. I am scheduled for my follow up with my doctor Monday. I believe I will be released to return to work next Tuesday. I know it is going to be an adjustment but I do think it will be a good adjustment to get me back in the rhythm of life. It has certainly been a long road but I am beginning to feel like I am slowly getting my strength back. I still get worn out just taking a shower from the other issues. Bending over and trying to lift anything is also very painful. It is just going to take time. I will continue to blog even after I return to work. I have grown to enjoy this and hope others find it interesting.

On another note. I want to thank all veterans. You are our true heros.

today and yesterday have been pretty good days. I have spent a lot of time resting which is good. I still have some discomfort but I do think it is getting better. I go back to the doctor next week and hopefully will be released at that time to return to work. Given all that has happened I will wait to see. I did go 4 days without a bowel movement so when it finally came it was very painful. I don't think it did any damage to the surgery area though. I think that pain is to be expected. I am finding it difficult not to drive. I really want to get out of the house but am trying very hard to obey the doctor's orders. Tomorrow I may not have a choice but to drive though to an appointment. If I do, I will certainly come straight home. I also want to start walking again. My heart continues to concern me but I have just learned the pains I have are something I will just have to live with. So, life goes on and God continues to be good.

Well, it has been a couple of days since I posted a blog. the surgery went well but the pain afterward is really rough. the doctor said he does not want me to drive for 2 weeks which is really tough especially when it comes to my little ones. that puts a lot more pressure on my wife. I am glad I had the procedure done and feel it is really going to help my quality of life. The pacemaker is working as it should but they do thinkit might have been pushed up against a nerve when my daughter head butted it. I can live with it though. I really hope this is the end and my life will get back to normal in two weeks. I have had so much support and love through all of this but even now people still comment on the weight I have lost and how good I look. If nothing else comes from this my daughters will know their daddy did everything he could to improve his health to enjoy life with them and to see them grow up. If my life does not last until they are adults at least they can always know how much I loved them. I did all of this for my girls and my wife. I pray God gives me many more years with them but if in his infinent wisdom he calls me home they will know how much I sacrificed for them. I love them so. Now, the biggest challenge I have is to rest for the next two weeks and get my strength back and to hope this is the last challenge I will have.

The surgery went well and I am glad to have it over and done. The doctor said I am not to drive for 2 weeks and also not to lift anything. Same old song it appears except for the driving part. I have contacted the disability folks and they said everything is fine they just need to get the doctor to sign the disability form again. Originally I was told the recovery would only be 1 week but I think given everything else that has happened it will take a bit longer. Hopefully that will be the end of it and I can return to work and normal life. The surgery itself is not that bad but once the medicine wears off it is quite painful. I am not to take a bath for 2 weeks only showers. It is going to be rough not being able to do the things I am used to do but I have to take it easy so I don't have any further set backs. My mom really came through for me these past few days and I greatly appreciate her help. Now, it is time to heal and move on.

tomorrow is the big day. yet another surgery! YEA!! They called and said I have to be at the hospital at 8 then they called and said 7:10. I made my displeasure known and they changed it back to 8. It would not have been so bad to change but they wait until the last minute to call. If I did that to them they would charge me for the service even if I didn't have anything done! I am just looking forward to getting it over.

I am a bit worried about where I am in the weight loss. I continue to lose but there is left over birthday cake in the kitchen that I have snacked on just because I can and it is there. I have asked my wife to take it out of the house because it is just too much of a temptation. I am doing well on my food intake but don't want to get back into the habit of eating too much sweets. I don't mind having my sugar free ice cream treat but that birthday cake is dangerous!

I am not looking forward to this tomorrow. I just don't fully know what to expect. A lot of it has to do with the area of the body that is having the surgery. I imagine I will be in some discomfort for a few days. Right now, I am out until Nov 10 but will determine how that goes with the doctor tomorrow.

Today was a good day. I went to the cardiologist. He said the pacemaker is working as it should but I am doing too much and not allowing myself time to properly heal. He said the area my daughter headbutted is sore but it appears to be ok. He said I was fine to have the other surgery.

Then, I went to my preop. Everything is now set for the surgery on Thursday. My biggest concern is how will my body respond to this. It will make the 4th surgery in 2 months. That is a lot to put my body through. I hope I will come home Thursday but I suspect they may keep me over night just to be on the safe side given everything that has heppened.

The next major concern I have is will 1 week truly be enough to recover given my body is already in a weakened state? I guess we will see.

But, once again, I do feel I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. God is good and I know he is in control.

the pvc's have been there all day but the pains went away. Not sure why today has been so rough. I did find out my disability has been extended through Nov 11 for now. I am in a lot of discomfort from the hemorroids. Tomorrow I have my preop for the surgery this Thursday. My arm is very sore and the cardiologist said they do need to check the pacemaker to be sure nothing has become dislodged. I honestly dont think that has happened but i do think it may be against a nerve in my chest which is causing all this pain.

Today is rough. I woke up ok but have had a series of very difficult PVC's. At least I think they are PVC's. They really hurt and continue right now. I just had a very rough chest pain and the pvc's have started up. I am really thinking about calling 911 but don't want to be reactionary. It is not a tightness but more like severe pain. There is no pain in the jaw or shoulder however so that is good. Why does this keep happening to me??????

I have to call my cardiologist anyway today because of the continuing pain from the pacemaker. I spoke with several folks last night that work in doctor's offices and they all agreed I should not continue to have these pains.

I also have to followup with my disability folks and riverside to confirm my disability is taken care of.