Another day of accomplishment. I lifted my knee and foot but when I tried to walk the tremors took over and I had to be helped. I am having some chest pain tonight but I have also done a lot today. The speech therapist came by and I feel very much that she can and will help. The stuttering is also better. Bottom line is it is just going to take time. One thing I will not do this time is try to go back to work until I know for sure that I am ready. God is working and I do feel all the prayers and concern of everyone. I am learning that my body can function I just have to let it do what God created it to do. My hope is that whoever reads this will learn that people go through all kinds of trials and come out on the other side better and stronger than they were before. God always has a plan. All we have to do is allow him to work his will in our lives.

Another productive day. I am making great progress. I am able to shower and dress myself with supervision. Physical, occupational and speech therapy is going well. The stuttering is getting much better and I actually lifted my left foot about an inch off the floor which is a big accomplishment. I am tired and really miss my little ones but my wife is faithful to come by and see me and I do so look forward to her visits. It is interesting that the most frustrating thing is the ringing in my ears. It just does not go away and it seems to get worse. One thing I have also noticed is my stuttering and tremors are much worse when I am under stress so tomorrow I am starting therapy to deal with stress. I did find out today that they plan to send me home April 6th probably with a walker. After that, I will come for day therapy 3 times a week. We will have to work that out as I am not sure they will let me drive. So, the drama continues. The one thing that is so reassuring is how they treat me here. We are treated with respect and dignity which we greatly appreciate. Of all the things I miss the most the snuggles with my daughters is the worse. I can't wait to get back to being the daddy they deserve. We did get some good news today though my disability has been approved as a new claim so my benefits start over! That is great news! So, once again, we see God in control and how he is taking care of us!

I have now been transferred to a rehab hospital. Today was my first day and it was mostly to evaluate where I am and what they can do to help. I have been asked if I want to go on social security disability but have told them that I want to resume my life as best I can. It is very clear that my left side is weaker than my right but the upper left is stronger than my lower left. I am learning how to adjust but it is hard. The stuttering is much better and I hope it will clear up by the end of the week. I think one of the hardest thing for me to accept is this is all my mind telling my body not to work. So, I have to confince my mind that is can do all it used to do. I also have to wonder what triggered it and if it will happen again. So many questions. The ringing in my ears is really becoming unbearable. I just don't know why they cannot get that cleared up. I am tired and frustrated and just want to go home. But, I know my wife has enough to deal with right now and having half a husband is not an easy thing. I guess I am throwing a pity party tonight but I am just so sick of it all. I'll continue to blog as best I can and while I know it is going to get better I am so ready for all of this to be behind me. I still cling to my faith and family. I am blessed to have such a great support system and when I looked at the others who are here it really made me realize just how lucky I am. I can talk, I can walk, I can think and function on a much better level than most here so I have to focus on that and trust God has a plan and will see me through.

I didn't think I could access this site to update my blog but I found a way around it. Amazing how a little concentration will work. As most of you know I have been in the hospital since Wednesday March 16th. But, in my mind it is still March 14th even though I know it is not because the nurses update the date for me on the little board. It has certainly been a long process but what else is new for me. During my last blog I updated that I had returned to work and the events that had happened. the day this event happened I was actually off work. I woke that morning to PVC's and my left arm going numb. I had a doctor's appointment but needed to stop by the school to drop something off for Emily. All I remember is I walked in the library and fell. I don't think I passed out as I know I was talking. Emily's initial concern is that it might be my heart. I made it to the school office before completely collapsing. I lost the ability to speek and my left side gave out. The last words I spoke clearly was to call the ambulance. When we made it to the hospital they ran all kinds of tests and said I had not had a heart attack or stroke. I was suffering tremors that were so violent they were like epiliptic seizures. I was evaluated by a neurologist who said there was nothing wrong that it was all in my mind. then, I was evaluated by a psychologist who said it was not in my mind but medical. The rollercaster ride was unbelieveable. Finally, we were told I have a rare condition called conversion disroder. I won't get into great detail but you can google. I am trying to type this but my arms get very tired. The only treatment for the disorder is physical, speech, and occupational therapy. Basically, my brain has to learn that my body can do what it used to do. It may take some time but most people do recover. I have been accepted to Palmetto healthsouth and will be moved there tomorrow to begin therapy. I know I am getting stronger every day and my speech is better but the least little thing seems to set off the tremors and sometimes they are very difficult. The make me so tired. the doctor said that is to be expected as it is like a full body work out. I think the hardest part of this diagnosis is that my mind has convinced my body that it does not work. According to the Mayo Clinic the condition and symptoms are real. I hope I won't be in rehab long. I just want to go home but there is the concern that I would fall. Right now I am able to walk with a walker for about 75 ft according to physical therapy here at the hospital. I have to have something to steady my body. My left upper strength is getting better but continues to be weak. My left lower is still also weak. It is just going to take time. God has seen us through so much already and right now all we can do is trust him and his will. I will continue to update as best I can.

Well, today was the first day back. I can't say it went smoothly but at least I was there. They had moved our entire team and I was not even close to a bathroom. The closest one had only one toilet. I had a moment when I needed it and of course it was being used. So, I had to walk all the way across the building. Needless to say I left some residual odor on my way. They did move me to a closer station but I spent a lot of time in the rest room today. I'm exhausted to say the least. Last night Eva decided to through a 3:30am party so I was up with her. Cottia was also worn out. But, the bottom line is I got through it. I just have to take it one day at a time. Maybe I should write a song!! LOL. But, for today, I made it.

I have a solution to our nation's gas crisis. Just let me but my butt up to every car in the country. Trust me there is enough gas to keep us going for years to come. And, the best part of it is it is FREE!! Somebody call Obama! LOL, well, tomorrow is the big day. I head back to work. I have a lot of emotions going right now. I don't feel I am ready but also wonder if I would know if I was ready. It will certainly be an adjustment getting back in the swing of things but God willing I will get through this. I have to get used to going to bed earlier which will also be an adjustment but today I made sure to not take as long a nap as I am used to taking. Hopefully that will help. So, tomorrow truly is the first day of the rest of my life!

On another note, the bleeding continued today from yesterday but I think it is just stress. Emily continues to hobble and I continue to love waiting on her. I may not be the best husband in the world but I do love this woman so much. It will be nice to have her healed and to have the girls over all this sickness and to have daddy back to work. Life as normal what a novel idea!!

Got up this morning for a health exam for some life insurance. Then, spent the morning with the girls until Emily woke. I was able to go back to bed for about a hour and a half. Then, got up and put Eva down for a nap. I took the garbage off and had to buy some more medicine for the girls. When I got home Eva was awake so I decided to take her and Cottia to the park to play. Met some nice folks there with their children but I was bleeding through the rectum pretty bad. Still, we stayed for a while then came home. I picked Jason up so he can spend the night with us and go to Church with us tomorrow. He has become such a part of our lives and I have grown to depend on him more than he knows. Emily continues to heal and I am doing the best I can. The girls are great and other than Cottia being still a little sick they seem to be doing fine.

So, Monday is the day I return to work full time. It is not going to be easy but God willing it will go well. I know I need to get back into it but adjusting my body is going to bge difficult. Pray for Monday as I know how hard it will be.

Today was tough. I woke and could not find my glasses which sent me into a frenzie. I felt so stupid!! I always put my glasses at the same place everynight and I just could not understand why I would have put them somewhere else. But, I had. Still the day had to get going. So, I got the girls up and took Cottia to school and Eva to maw maw's. I came back home and really wanted to get some things done. But, the chest pains were just off the chains. The dogs had also gotten out and I had to catch them and put them back into their pen. The oldest dog tried to bit me but I know she was just scared and that is not her nature. I was so frustrated and I think it just caused me more stress than I needed. I took my heart medicine and sat down to try to calm down. Eventually it did but I was so exhausted. I did some studying on the computer until about 12 then went to bed. I slept a few hours then got up. Emily was home and I was so glad to see her. I went and got the girls and brought them home. Eva was tired but Cottia had softball practice. So, I had to leave Eva with Emily and take Cottia to practice. Sitting on the benches was not easy but I got through it. I had to speak with the coach and right at that moment one of those gas moment hit. I had no control. The embarrassment was so much. I felt humiliated and ashamed. The coach handled it with class and dignity as I would expect. All I could do was apologize but this is just something I have no control over. It really made me wonder how Monday will go back at work. Suppose the VP speaks to me and I have one of those moments? Do I just ignore it or do I explain why it happened. I can feel my stress level is really rising. I want to go back to work but is it really the right time for that? No matter what, I am going Monday.

I have an appointment with my cardiologist Wednesday so I may take the entire day off but we will see how that goes. If nothing else I will have the afternoon off.

I guess life is funny. But, right now mine is a real joke at times. Still, I press on.

Another day another rectal exam!! YEA FOR ME!! The doctor said I am healing but it is just going slow. He said the botox will wear off in about 4 months. He said I should be able to work I will just need to be allowed to go to the bathroom when I need to. The only problem with that is I work in a call center so asking to be excused when a customer is irate is not going to be easy. So, I called disability and spoke with the HR manager. He has been following my situation all along and was already working on a solution. He did not want me to return to work tomorrow so my return to work date is going to be Monday. That should give them some time to get me a work station that is kind of private in case I have a gas issue and also is close to the rest room. I will have to take extra pairs of depends with me an will also take an extra set of clothing. I'm not sure how all this will work out but I do feel I need to try. It is funny the mixed emotions I have. I have grown spoiled to staying up late and resting during the day. There will be an adjustment for my body no doubt but I will be back at work full time. The HR manager did tell me if I have to come back out he will totally support me. I feel so much better. But, I agree that I have to give it a try. They also are going to work very hard to get me back home working which would be fantastic especially with gas prices the way they are.

Emily seems to be dealing with her broken foot pretty well. She is able to get around and I actually enjoy taking care of her. She is so independent so it is nice to do things for her. Cottia is so cute but still is not feeling well. Eva is Eva that is about all I can say. She seems to be the only one in the house that is not sick even though her nose is running a bit.

This evening was stressful but it will get better. I am used to giving both girls a bath but not folding and putting cloths away. That usually falls to Emily. But, I did my best. We will get through all of this but it is ironic that as I am returning to work all these other things have fallen on us. What a life we live.

On another note, I continue to maintain my weight. It goes up a few lbs then back down. I haven't lost anymore but given all that has happened I really don't care at this point. I think once I start working again Monday, I'll lose some more weight. I'll continue to poset and pray God's blessings.

Well, the last few days have certainly not been kind to the Taylor family. It started with Cottia. She started feeling bad over the weekend and had the most terrible cough. She also suffered from itching and was just miserable. We stayed home Sunday from Church as a family. Eva was not feeling well so we played hookie. Cottia spent most of the day in bed. Something she never does. Eva did seem to get better as the day went on. I felt like a freight train had hit me but it has passed. Then, yesterday I had Eva in the morning. We had some grocery shopping to do so we went to Food Lion. While there I got a call from Emily that she had twisted her ankle and was at the medical center in Swansea. I asked Eva if she wanted to buy mommy some flowers so we did and brought them to Emily. As it turns out Emily had a small fracture in her foot. She went back to work and Judy came and got Eva. I was back home and then Emily called that Cottia was sick. I called the doctor and made an appointment for that afternoon and took Cottia. She is impetigo (sp). Basically her little face is broken out and looks like small pox. She itches all over and has scratched so badly in areas that she was bleeding. Her eyes are all swollen and her face just looks like mosquitoes have eaten her alive. The doctor prescribed an antiobiotic which I filled. I called Judy to see if Eva could just stay with her as I knew I would have to take care of Emily and Cottia and I am still not up to speed. Today, we took Emily to an orthopedic doctor who did another x-ray and the break is not that bad. Emily has to wear a boot for a few weeks and if all goes well she should be back up and running in no time. In the mean time, I am still dealing with the botox and incontinence. I see the doctor myself tomorrow and worry what will happen. If I try to go back to work half days and something happens I don't get paid for the time I miss. If I stay out I get paid full disability as long as it is approved which that should not be a problem as there is simply no way to know when the botox will wear off. Then, there is the worry of my job. It is no longer secure but I have been reassured that it should not be a problem to place me when the botox does finally wear off. Honestly, I feel much better over all but I just have little to no control over my gastro area. Tomorrow will be one of the most important days in my life and one of the most difficult. I lean towards just staying out until the botox wears off and I know I can do my job but that would be a difficult return to work. I still feel trying to ease my way back part time is the way to go. I feel the doctor agrees but I won't know for sure until we speak tomorrow. Then, there are the people I work with. I mean how bad is it to have the person sitting next to you or on your row constantly releasing gas or even not able to control a bowel movement? I know I would not appreciate that. I have to consider that as well. I just hope I can sleep tonight. I have a lot on my mind.

For now, my wife and little girl have to come first. I feel so selfish even wondering about my own situation. If all this is a test, I certainly hope the Lord above has graded our exam and we have passed cause I'm not sure how many more questions we can answer.

I'm not sure what happened this morning so I will just tell what I remember. I woke sleepy which is nothing new. Eva was crying so I got up to go see what she was up to. She was completely naked and had thrown all her things out of her crib. Again, nothing new. I picked her up and put her on the floor. I don't know if I passed out or if I tripped over something but I fell face first. I hit my forehead pretty hard on the floor and wondered if I had passed out. Emily came in and got Eva out of the room. I was not bleeding or anything but the fall was pretty rough. I sat there for a while to collect myself. Eventually I was able to get up and go on with the day. But, I had a pretty bad headache all of the day which got worse as the day went on. I also continued to struggle with the gas issues but refuse to give up on life. I don't think the issue this morning was my heart but just a strange order of events. Will it ever end? I don't know but I do know that God is going to see me through.

I am wondering how much more of this I can take. I had to get Cottia out of school today because she was sick and I needed to take her to the doctor. I had been having issues with control but thought it was getting better. We had to wait for a while in the doctor's office and everytime I got up to either pay for our visit or to just move I did not have any control. We were told our wait would be about 30 minutes but it quickly turned into an hour. I tried so hard to hold it but just could not. Finally, I had enough it was over an hour and I decided to take Cottia home. She was not running a fever so I felt rest was the best thing for her. So, I got up to let them know and to ask for our money back. I lost control and had some bowel issues. I quickly got my daughter out and did my best to disguise the issue but it was obvious what had happened. I don't want to overdramatize because it was not a full movement but none the less it was a movement. I just don't understand how it happened. I thought I had begun to regain control but I guess not. I called the doctor's office and will call again tomorrow. Hopefully it is just a hickup. The biggest thing was that I just did not want to embarrass my daughter. She was so out of it until I don't think she even noticed. The gas issue has always been there. I have not regained control of that but I thought the bowel issue was getting better. I guess over all it is but will it be enough for me to go back to work next week or not. I simply don't know. I guess I should also call my disability specialist tomorrow. Just another day in the life of Tee.