Not an aweful lot to post today but this morning when I got up to get Eva up I fell. I really hurt myself and it is still painful tonight. I scraped my knee and my tailbone is really hurting. My back in really hurting but I'm moving around ok but I took a pain pill and it pretty much knocked me out for the day. I took a nap in my chair and Cottia crawled up in my lap and fell asleep which is unusual for her these days so it was nice to have her take a nap with me.
Emily make some cube steak and mashed potatoes and it was very good. The family is having fireworks at the farm but I really did not feel like going so we are staying home. I have gotten where I just don't really want to do anything on New Years eve but stay at home and avoid most any crowd.
Well, that is about it. I hope everyone has a great New Year and I pray God's blessing on you. Have a good and safe one.

t

Today I had the girls for the entire day. It was nice to just stay home with them. I couldn't do very much but they are pretty self sufficient. This morning though I woke to Cottia having tried to make her own breakfast. She had combined grits and oatmeal with milk and water and tried to microwave them. What a mess. So, I had to make a decision. Do I punish her? Or, do I just let her know she made a mistake and not to ever do anything like that again. I chose the later. It took some doing and a lot of pain but I got the mess cleaned up and got her something she could eat. Lunch was not complicated just hotdogs and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Strange mixture but it was she wanted. Eva just wanted the sandwich. I still don't think she is feeling quiet herself. The girls were so good and played together and cleaned up after themselves and we had a ball. It also gave Emily a chance to stay in town and get some things done. My legs hurt like never before and it does worry me but the doctors say there really isn't very much they can do.
Well, that is about it. Needless to say I am pretty worn out but I enjoyed every minute of it just being with my girls. They are so special and even when they get into trouble it is hard to get mad at them. All I have to do is look at their faces and my heart melts.
We were also blessed to have Jason and his cousin Jordan come over and load our woodbox and take our trash out. The girls did not want Jason to leave and so he has been accepted as a part of the family and they love him like a brother.
So, tomorrow our God daughter is coming over and we are looking forward to having her as well. She is such a big part of our lives and it will be nice to have her in the house. She will spend the night and then go home Saturday. We will exchange Christmas gifts with her and it will be a very noisy house to say the least.
Once again, I pray God's blessings on each of you and that God will guide your steps. As for me, pain is just a part of my life and I have learned to live with it. My legs hurt the most and now it is in the right leg as well but life moves on and I will continue to fight to regain my life and be the man all these women deserve. It is my duty and it is my honor to be involved in all these lives. Thank you Father for allowing me the opportunity to do more than just be a man with a disability.

Well, we are back home from Virginia and the trip home was not that bad. We did run into some traffic. But, Emily did a great job getting us home safe and sound. The biggest problem for me was the pain in my legs. It was overwhelming. I thought I would not even be able to walk. But, we stopped and I got out and stood next to the car to get the blood pumping. But, the pain remained. I wonder if I should call the doctor but I'm just not sure there is anything they can do.
The problem came when we got home. Eva got sick last night and threw up several times. Emily would get the throw up and put to the washing machine while I drew baths. We had two baths and one this morning. The last time I looked at the clock it was 4:30am and I know I was exhausted and Emily had to be. So, I got up with the girls this morning and let Emily sleep in. When she got up I went back to bed for about 2 hours and then got up. I had to get my medications so I had to go to town and I wanted to see my mother so I took the girls with me to give Emily a break. They were both so good. We went by the pharmacy then to see mom. I was wheeled to her room because I did start to tremor and was afraid of falling. We didn't stay long but I know it did mom a lot of good and so it was worth it. Then, we had to pick up a few groceries at Wal-mart. This was the first time I had taken the girls with me but they seemed to enjoy riding the scooter so it was kind of fun for them and we didn't get much. Then, back home. Now, I am sitting and resting and watching TV. But, the pain in the left leg is still very intense. Still, I had a great time with both my girls and they were so well behaved. I just hope Eva has a better night tonight for several reasons. One is she needs a good nights rest, Second, her mother needs a good nights rest and finally, I need a good nights rest and it would mean she is over whatever caused the throwing up. She never ran a fever so I don't think she is contageous but none the less, she is my little girl and I just want her well and active.
I do need to consider a visit to the doctor but tomorrow is the only day I can go as my doctor is not in his office on Fridays and I would have to see another doctor. But, I think they will just tell me there is nothing they can do and to continue with the plavix and therapy that is the only treatment.
Well, that is about it. It is good to be home and we are thankful that God gave us a safe and wonderful trip. I pray that those who read this are blessed and that God gives you a wonderful new years!

t

Well, today is Christmas and the kids were very happy with their presents. They started waking up around 2am. I think Eva had nightmares because she would scream from time to time but she was sleeping from what I could tell so I didn't have to get up just lost sleep. Cottia would toss and turn and every now and then I would look down and see her eyes open. It really was cute to watch them with the anticipation of this morning.
Our trip has been pretty good so far except I did fall in the bathroom and my butt really hurts. I think I sprained my wrists again but once again there is no reason to go to the doctor because all they would say is there really isn't anything they can do and I already have pain medicine so I'll just get through it.
Emily and her mom made a great Christmas supper and we all enjoyed it a great deal.
I have some decisions to make that are not easy. I'm still disabled but I also want to work. I have to decide between trying to sell insurance or trying to find another job which is a tough decision. I'm not getting any coordinating work but maybe that will change after the first of the year. We will just have to wait and see.
My chest is hurting and I'm sure it is due to stress but I guess we will see.
Well, that is about it. I hope everyone that reads this is richly blessed and that includes those that read this for reasons other than just to keep up with the family. I also hope everyone had a great Christmas.

Today was therapy day and I am really sore tonight. But, things are progressing. Mom got moved to the same rehab hospital I was in and I am thrilled. I truly think they will do the very best for her. I know it will be hard, but it will be good for her and it will make her stronger. While I was there I asked for the same team that worked with me to work with her because I know how good they are. I just hope her stay isn't that long and that she will be able to come home soon but she will not be home for Christmas and I know that is bothering her. Hopefully she can still have a good Christmas and get a day pass to come home for a while.

Tomorrow we leave for Virginia for Christmas and I will admit I have mixed feelings about it. It was my idea to spend both major holidays up there but with mom in the hospital and another good friend of ours in the hospital with chest pains it does give me pause. Still, I just want to get up there and for the kids to have a great Christmas.

Well, that is about it. My legs hurt and I'm tired but I know Emily is too and hopefully she can get some rest while we are in Virginia. I also don't know if I will be able to blog while we are up there, it depends on if I can get on a network but if not, I wish everyone a wonderful Christmas and that God will richly bless you all.

t

Today is a very special day. Today 12 years ago I married Emily. It is hard to believe that it has been 12 years. One thing I can say about my wife is that she is a lady. She is a mother and she loves the kids at the school where she works. She cares more deeply than she let's on. Her heart is bigger than she wants to let on but it is there. She is quiet and keeps most of her emotions to herself but she loves very deeply as well. She has stood by me through all this sickness and an uncertain future. She lives her faith and is an example to others. She is not perfect but she is mine and I am glad and blessed to have her. We were able to go out to dinner tonight and have a great supper together and then rode through some gardens lite up for Christmas. Ours is a life blessed with two little girls. A warm house and lots of love. It is not perfect, but it is ours and I am grateful to God for having her. Thank you Father for putting her in my life. No matter what ever happens in my life I am a better man for having this woman and I give you all the praise and glory for her and all she does and means to so many people. That is all I am going to blog about tonight. It is just one of those days that no matter what happens, I am blessed and the greatest blessings besides salvation is my wife and her love. I pray God blesses you all and gives you a great Christmas.

t

Today has been a rough day. Emily had to go shopping and my mom was still in the hospital but being moved to a new room so I had to watch the girls. I never mind watching them but it just wears me out so much and I am afraid of falling but we got some lunch then I took them to play to get their energy out. I sat in my chair and did fall asleep and Eva got into Emily's makeup so I had to clean that up which was funny but also challenging. My legs are in a lot of pain right now and they are so cold which means the blood disease is in full swing. I just have to deal with it. Then, I found out that a great man of God that I have known my whole life passed this afternoon. He had a stroke a few days ago and we all knew it was only a matter of time but it was still rough. His wife played the piano in our wedding and has played many times for me to sing at their church. While we rejoice at his homecoming we are all deeply saddened by his passing. Just a sad day for our community.

I did get to speak with mom for a few minutes. She is really out of it but she is resting comfortably and hopefully will be able to come home before Christmas.

Well, that is about it. Needless to say I'm worn out and in a lot of pain tonight but I'm used to it. I did have some tremors and thought I was going to fall twice but I didn't so that is good. Tomorrow is our Church's Christmas program and Cottia is in it so I am looking forward to that and watching her perform.

So, another day in the life. I pray God's richest blessings on you all and that you will seek his will in all our lives. Have a great Sunday and praise his name in all things.

t

Today I started the day by getting the girls up and going again but they did not cooperate very well. But, as usual, they did get dressed and ready for the day. I took Cottia to school then had a few things to get done before I could get some rest but I was back home by 9:30 and was simply worn out. I needed some rest. So, I sat down and watched some tv and then took my nap.

My mom's surgery went well but she had to have three screws put in and a pin. She was put in the ICU as a precaution due to her other health issues. I understand if all goes well she will move to another room where she will stay for probably 3-5 days. Then she will be evaluated for rehab. I hope if she has to go to outpatient or inpatient that she ends up where I go. They have an excellent staff and I know she will get the best of care.

The girls seem to have had a great day and got some presents from Maw Maw Judy and Cottia got a present from her teacher. All in all not a bad day.

Well, that is about it. I'm still pretty worn out from this morning but am looking forward to a quiet night of watching tv and going to bed. I pray God's blessings on each of you that read this blog and that he will touch you in a special way during this Christmas season. Take care and God bless,

t

Today was a pretty quiet day. I got up and got the girls ready to go all though it wasn't easy and they did need some help from mommy today. I think them staying out till 8pm on a school night is not easy on them when they are used to being in bed earlier than that. Thursdays seems to always be rougher than any other day of the week. But, I took Cottia to school then came back home to wait on news of mom and what was going on. Originally I was told she would have surgery starting between 1 and 1:30. But, her hemogloban was low and she needed blood so they gave her two pints of blood and plan to do the surgery tomorrow. The good news is the bone seems to have slipped back into place so all they have to do is put the pin in. The bad news is mom never does well during surgery and they usually have a hard time waking her after. So, tomorrow will be another stressful day of waiting. It was decided that it is best if I stay home instead of trying to go to the hospital because if I have a tremor then the hospital will probably have to admit me and if I fall then they will have no choice. I did suffer a lot of tremors early in the day but once I knew how her day was going I began to calm down and so did the tremors. It is hard thinking about her being up there but her husband is with her and she sounds like she is going to be ok. Her husband whose name is Vance says the doctors don't seem too worried about the procedure and she should do fine. So, we just have to get through it.

So, that is about it. As for me, my leg continues to be in a lot of pain and so are my wrists. I almost fell once today but I didn't which is good news. Well, I hope you all have a good night and I pray God blesses you all very much.

t

Today was counseling day and I always look forward to that. We have reached a point now where I think we are going to really be working on some issues that I have may have not wanted to face. But, it is a big step towards healing. So, please pray for me as I travel this road which may be painful at times but I think it is necessary.

Cottia and Eva seem to have had pretty normal days. Eva continues to cough but no fever and she is full of energy go I think she just needs to let it run it's course.

The bad news today is my mom fell and broke her hip. She is in the hospital and will have surgery tomorrow and will have a pin put in. I am not sure how I will handle things because seeing her may upset me leading to a tremor but then she is my mother and I feel I need to be there. The last thing we need is for both of us to end up in the hospital so I will see how I feel in the morning and what I think is best to do.

Please pray for my mom and may God richly bless you in all ways.

t

Pretty typical Monday. No therapy so I spent most of the day resting. I was sore from the fall last night and the knot on my right wrist has gotten a little bigger and the pain in that wrist is also worse so apparently it took the brunt of the fall. Other than a headache everything else was ok.

Eva seems much better but her nose hurts which is from the cold she has. Poor thing. I feel so sorry for her because I know how that feels and it is really painful. Still she is playing and seems to be feeling like her old self.

Cottia had kind of a rough night from a behavior point of view but she made up for it with her school work. I am so proud of her and while I don't fully understand how the Montesorri (sp) school works from what I gather she is ahead of most of the students in her class. We just have to keep her focused and keep her trained on doing her homework and moving forward. I could not be more proud of her and her school accomplishments. This Sunday she will be in our Christmas special at the Church and she is really working hard on that so I know she will do well.

Well, that is about it. Emily is at the Beta club inductions tonight so I am waiting for her to get home. I hope you all have a great evening and pray God's richest blessings on you all.

t

Eva seems much better tonight. She is still coughing but her fever seems to be gone. I stayed home with her this morning and this afternoon as Cottia had practice for the Church's Christmas program. It wasn't much to do because she was so sick. So, she get her dolls and we basically snuggled and watched a little tv. When Emily and Cottia got home she ate a little and then went back to bed. She slept for several hours and after she got up, I gave her some medicine and she ate some yogurt. But, the best news is she seemed to have a lot more energy. I gave her more medicine and then we set back down and watched some more TV. She felt better but still did not seem to be 100% back to normal. Finally, mom and Cottia got back home from practice and it wasn't long before Eva was ready for bed so I put her down and she smiled and blew kisses at me. We kind of have a tradition because I can't reach over the railing when I put her to bed so she knows she has to crawl up the side then I guide her over. So, since I can't reach all the way down to kiss her we just make kisses at each other. You would have to see it to fully understand but it is a nice tradition for us.

Cottia is doing fine but last night Emily got up with Eva because frankly I didn't feel very well myself and I didn't hear her which is very unusual for me. I can sleep through a phone ringing and even an alarm clock going off but if one of my children makes the slightest noise I hear it. But, not last night. So, I hope Emily can get some rest tonight.

I didn't eat a lot today myself but I still tried to do some things and one of them was to put down a rug in the front room that had been washed. I turned around and apparently did it too fast so of course I fell. I didn't really hurt myself but I think I did aggrevate my wrist sprain so I am wearing the wrap again. There is a slight scrap on my knee and I have a bit of a headache but I don't think I hit my head. I think I am just tired and my body is just causing me to have a headache.

So, that was basically my Sunday. Nothing special just another day in the life. I do feel a little pain in my chest area but it is more like rug burn than anything else so I think that is from the fall. I pray God will bless you all and pour out his blessings on each of you.

t

Today was a pretty typical Friday. No therapy or very much to do. I was able to get some rest but as I write this my heart is giving me some trouble. The old elephant on the chest thing but I'm going to give it some time to pass before worrying about it.

The girls seemed to have a good day but my Eva does not seem to be feeling too well. I gave her some medicine before putting her to bed. I knew she wasn't feeling well when she asked to go to bed instead of being told it was time to go to bed.

Cottia went over to the neighbors house to play and I think she will sleep well tonight. At least I hope so.

Jason is coming tomorrow to spend the night so I will have all three of my kids in the house so that will be nice.

Well, that is about it. the pain in the leg has moved to the lower back but is also still in the leg but there really isn't much that can be done. So, life goes on.

I pray God's blessings on you all and pray that he will smile on all your dreams. Have a great night and weekend.

t

Today was one of those good news bad news kind of days. First for the good news. I woke this morning and helped get the family going as I always do. The girls were not as good this morning as usual but I think that has to do with Wednesday nights Awanas. They get to bed later than they are used to but still have to get up the next morning and go about their normal day so I think that is why they are a little more cranky in the morning.

I did take Cottia to school like I usually do. She seemed to be ready to go to school and when she got home this evening she seemed to have had a good day. Eva was typical Eva. Too much toothpaste and playing in the water in the bathroom.

I had therapy and physical therapy was very painful. The therapist did some work on my calves which on the left leg is the most painful from the PVD. The pain was off the chain. In fact I would go so far as to say it hurt worse than any of the falls I have taken. The only pain that has been rough is the pain in the tailbone. But, I also was able to stand and sit 5 times on my own. I did have some tremors but I didn't fall. I did every exercise but the doctor has already told me that the disease is not going to get any better and the only treatment is plavix and the exercises I am doing so at least I have the comfort in knowing that I am doing all I can do. Then it was off to speech. My fluency is better but the speech doctor said she noticed a lot more vocal tremors today but some of that may have been from being so tired from the physical therapy.

I came home and was very tired so I got some rest and waited on the girls to get home. I woke up, took a shower and then decided I would try to do some things around the house. So, I folded some cloths and even that just took it all out of me. Normally it is my job to give the baths but tonight I asked Emily to do it. I just did not have the energy. I napped on my chair but I did help with the girls supper before hand.

Now, I am resting and watching TV and waiting on tomorrow. The pain in my left leg lower calf area is off the chain right now but it is from the therapist and the work he did on my leg.

So, that is about it. I am exhausted and have decided to try to go back on my protein diet to lose some more weight before Christmas. I pray God's blessings on you all and that his perfect will would be done in your lifes. Have a great night!!

Well, as it turns out the weather did get bad today and it is still raining as I am writing. I did get Cottia's laundry done but man do my legs hurt and my wrist is really hurting. But, I got it done. It still amazes me how tired I get just doing so little. My heart also seemed to be out of sink today. Like it was off a beat or something. Not sure what that was but it straightened out after a while. I do wonder if that is why I get so tired. As of now it is still set for Feb 22nd for my appointment in charleston. I still have hope that it will get moved up but we will have to see how that works out.

Tonight is Awana's at the Church and I am not so sure that the girls should go but I'll let their mother make that decision.

Well, the girls should be home shortly and I hope they had a great day. I always look forward to hearinng how their day went. They usually seem to enjoy telling me about their day.

Well, that is about it. At least so far no falls today so that is good news. I continue to pray that God will bless you all and keep you in his perfect will. Have a good night and an even better day tomorrow.

t

We had a pretty good weekend but I didn't go to Church due to the pain in my wrists. We got the Christmas decorations up and the girls were delighted. It is so wonderful to see that gleam in their eyes. I can tell Cottia is very worried about me and it breaks my heart. No little girl should have to worry about their father it should always be the other way around.

Tonight is a prime example. She was in her schools Christmas program which I went to. The walker was difficult to use on the floor but I made it to the auditorium. I did have a tremor and almost fell but I didn't and the show went on as they say. She did so well and looked so cute up there. My mom and her husband plus my cousin all came and I know it meant so much to her. But, when we were walking in and back out she did not want to get too far ahear of me. Witnessing the fall outside I think has taken it's toll on her.

I am supposed to have counseling tomorrow but they are calling for rain and I am nervous about driving in the rain so I cancelled for this week. I will look forward to next week. '

I continue to be amazed at God's grace and his mercy. Despite it all we are all still together and moving forward. I don't know what his plan is but I want to follow it and be in the center of his will. Ironically enough I also want to just be left alone. I want to be working and while I have gotten used to not working I miss that everyday interaction with the people I used to work with. Despite all that happened there are a lot of good people there and they make up for the few that do not have the client or employee's interest at heart.

Emily continues to amaze me at all she does. She is truly amazing. I still long for a third child but doubt it will ever happen. But, I will leave that in God's hands. I have to get well first. So, that is about it. Again, I hope you all have a great evening and may God richly bless you. t

After the fall yesterday I thought today would be an easy day but I decided to try to do some things that I probably should not have because I wanted my girls to come home to some Christmas things and be excited. Well, I fell again this time on the steps in our house. I hurt my shin and it really hurts pretty badly. Then, Cottia and I were outside and she was bringing in some things and I fell again but this time it was really bad. I hurt my right knee and both wrists. There is some swelling in the right knee and a bump on the right wrist. The left does not seem as bad but it is painful. I'm not going to blog a lot again because of the pain my wrists are in but I think I will go to the urgent care tomorrow just to get checked out. My chest is also hurting from the fall so it has been a rough day but Emily and the girls are home and a very good friend of ours came over and was kind enough to do some things for us. I am just tired and ready for all this to be over but it shows no signs of letting up. I don't think I have had three falls in two days since this whole ordeal began. I just pray it will get better but I also have to do a better job of taking care of myself and realizing my limitations. So, I will just leave it at that and wish you all a good night. I continue to pray God's blessings on you all and that his perfect will would be done in your lives.

On a lighter note Eva said that she has been both good and bad this year. Well, at least she told the truth and the elf has made it's first appearance which is good. I love this time of year and despite everything that has happened to us I am determined to make this a great Christmas for our girls.

Well, thatt is about it. Have a good night and again, I pray God's blessing on you all.

t

Today was rehab and I thought things were going pretty well. We were working on the stairs and I had my left foot on the floor while holding on with both hands. I felt I was doing pretty good but I fell. The good news is it was a more controled fall than before but the bad news is as the day has gone on the pain in my wrists both wrists has gotten worse and there is tingling in my fingers. I am still considering weather to go to the doctor or not but I will give it tonight and see how I feel tomorrow.

I'm not going to write too much because it hurts but I will say that I am sick of all of this. I did get a call that they do have me on a waiting list but they do not expect me to get to see the movement specialist before the Feb date.

So, with that I will just say I wish you all well and pray God's blessing on you all. Take care and have a good night.

t

Today was a pretty typical day. Not much going on other than getting the kids ready for their day then taking Cottia to school. After I dropped her off, I had an appointment for counseling in Lexington so I stopped by the Wal-Mart on the way to get some things. Riding the cart is in some ways embarrassing and others kind of fun but I can't wait to be able to just walk around the Wal-Mart. Counseling went well then I came back home. I was very tired and my leg really hurt so I rested then got up took a shower and did the dishes. I used the walker because I felt so weak and didn't want to take any chances. I'm waiting on Emily and the girls to get home now and thought I would take a few minutes to blog.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my condition and really wonder how much of what has happened was caused by the incontenence issue and the way my former employer handled it. If they had provided me with proper accommodations maybe this would not have happened. It just seems very conincidental but I am not sure if it can be proven.

Well, that is about it. The girls have Church tonight and tomorrow will I have rehab. I know I'll ge tired but it makes me stronger and is the best treatment for me right now.

I pray God's richest blessing on you all and that his perfect will would be done in your life.

t

Well, we had a great time in Virginia for Thanksgiving. I just feel bad that Emily had to drive the entire way both up and back. The pain in my legs was very intense on the way up but not as bad on the way back. I almost fell once while up there but managed to get control. I also had tremors and those are never easy and always take it out of me. But, I managed to get through. I am glad we went as Emily's grandmother is not doing very well and she is so special to Emily and to me. Emily pulled so much as she made a great thanksgiving meal and cleaned her grandmother's house. I did all I could with the girls but taking a shower was a real challenge and was my greatest fear.

We made it back home safely last night and this morning I had to get some medicines taken care of and also got my date set with the movement specialist. Right now it is Feb 22 but I called and requested to be put on a waiting list in case they can see me sooner. I know it is a long shot but if we can get in December then I will still be covered under my old insurance which is better than the new.

I am still hoping that I can get some more business with Colonial and some more coordinating done so I can start to build some business.

The girls are doing well but my mom suffered congestive heart failure while we were in Virginia but she is coming home today from the hospital.

What really worries me is the pain in the left leg. It is getting worse and I may need to see my doctor just to be the safe side.

Right now, I am very tired which is normal after doing the slighest thing and today just going to get my medicines was a chore. But, I have so much to be thankful for that I need to focus on that.

I have rehab this week and counseling tomorrow so I have a busy schedule ahead of me. I am really hoping to be off the walker by Christmas and so does Cottia.

Well, that is about it. I plan to watch a little tv and then to get some rest for today. One final thing the Gamecocks beat Clemson for the third straight time 34-13 and Virginia Tech beat UVA 38-0 so it was a great weekend in football!!

Well, I hope everyone has a great week and may God bless you all.

t

Wow, it is hard to believe that this is my 345 blog but it is so let's get started. Eva did not have a good night. She woke again about 3am which makes the third straight night she has done that. Earlier in the evening she told me she had a nightmare about me and she had dreamed it the night before. All this coming from a 3 year old. Well, she came around and I rocked her but even that didn't seem to comfort her like I wanted. Eventually she did go to bed but those 3am wake ups are not easy.

I had some things to do today which really took it out of me but they had to be done. I was exhausted by 10am and had forgotten my medicines and the PVC'S began and the tremors did too but I did eventually take the medicines and was able to lay down to get some rest. I'm still worn out but I got done what I needed to do. My leg is in a lot of pain but nothing I can't handle. My hope is that it gets better as time goes on and I continue to work out.

Well, that is about it. Not a lot to say. But, we leave for Virginia tomorrow. Please pray for Emily as she will be doing the driving and for safety for our family and all those that will be traveling. I pray God's blessings on everyone that reads this and that his mercy will rain down. Once again just in case this is my last blog before thanksgiving I pray God blesses your time with your family and friends.

Happy thanksgiving

t

Well, today was Sunday and so it meant Church day. So, we went to Church. One thing I have noticed it just how much pain my left leg is actually in. It stays cold and the calf part is really painful. My toes also tingle from time to time and sometimes there is pain there as well but I don't see the toes spreading apart as much.

Something happened last night that I did made me take notice. I began to tell the story of the rape when I was younger and my right hand began to really tremble. The tremor lasted quite a while and I don't know if the two are connected but it does seem to be a strange coincidence. The tremor did not move to the rest of the body but it kept me from typing for a few minutes. I know memories like this can be very painful but this is the first time that I have noticed a tremor associated with me reliving the rape from so long ago. I felt my heart racing and my blood pressure certainly went up and I felt the pacemaker working.

I could not sleep so Jason and I stayed up watching some stupid movie and it helped me calm down and eventually I was able to calm down enough to fall asleep.

Well, that is about it. I had several neck tremors today but nothing major and I didn't feel much like singing but I did sing to my baby tonight before putting her to bed.

We leave for Virginia Tuesday and Emily will have to drive the entire way. She has done so much and I know she is exhausted which makes me feel even more worthless than ever. I just want my life back and to be productive. Emily is so strong and I am blessed to have her but I will admit that I don't tell her enough.

Well, that is about it. I'll try to blog some while in Virginia and but I am not sure how much I will be able to.

Once again, as for the weight if I have regained some it does not appear to be much but I am good with that. Frankly at this point, I don't care. I just want to work and contribute to my family

I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving and pray God's righly bless you all as his will sees fit. May God bless our country.

Take care and God bless.

t

The day started out rainy and dark but ended up being a pretty nice day. My left leg had a lot of pain and the wrist is really hurting. But, I'll survive. I did have a neck tremor that was pretty bad while trying to help Cottia during her homework. She is so sweet and gently reached out and rubbed my back to help calm me down. She is also very smart and knows just the touch of her hand can calm me down.

Eva had a hard time going to sleep which is unusual for her but eventually we were able to get her to sleep.

I'm having some chest pain tonight and the PVC's seem to be worse than usualy. I'm not sure why but it has been increasing lately. Might be due to the holidays but who knows for sure. I have also noticed the tremors are happening in the night and it worries me that Emily might not be getting enough rest.

Well, that is about it. It seems I am still at the same or close to the same weight I have been based on my cloths but who knows for sure. I still trust God and his plan whatever it is. My arms tingle and there are times I feel I can't go on but he sustains me and so I continue. I pray his blessings on each of you who read this and that he will smile on you for all eternity.

Today was therapy day and I think things went pretty well but my right wrist is in a lot of pain. I didn't do any walking for physical therapy but I did do the bike and leg exercises. My left leg was very weak feeling but my right did fine which is kind of the norm. Still not sure why my left side continues to feel weaker than the right.

Still no date set for the trip to Charleston but hopefully it will be soon. I am now not expecting it to be until after Thanksgiving.

Cottia has an infection and the doctor put her on an antiobiotic and she came home with me. She did sleep a little but her throat is really sore and she is resting in the living room watching TV. I think she will go back to school tomorrow but we will have to monitor her situation and see how she feel.

Well, Emily and Eva just got home so I'm going to end now. I hope everyone has a great evening and pray God's blessings on you all.

t

Today is Monday and I have already had a full morning. It actually started last night when Cottia did not feel well. She was running a low fever and had a hard time sleeping but I gave her some medicine and she seemed better this morning. I did sleep pretty well last night and only had a few tremors nothing as major as Saturday night which is good. I took Cottia to school then went to Food Lion to pick up a few things. I have gotten used to riding in those little carts and it is actually kind of cool but I tried to walk once and nearly fell so I know right now I need to keep riding in the cart. After that I had to take off the trash as long as I stay against the truck I am ok. Then, I had one more stop to make before coming home. I fed the dogs and started a load of laundry for the girls so Emily would not have that hanging over her. I have learned how to move through the house with the cloths and while I have fallen a few times the cloths seem to soften the falls and so no damage done and it is something I can do to contribute to our family. I am now completely worn out. I so want to be productive but I also don't want a set back but now I just need to rest and regain some composure. I am a bit dizzy and my left arm is tingling a bit but hopefully it will settle down now that I have taken my morning meds. I guess we shall see.

I think Emily had a good nights sleep last night and that is my biggest concern right now. I just want her to get the proper rest.

Eva seems fine and is her usual self again. It is great being my girls father. Well, that is about it. I hope everyone has a great day and I pray God's richest blessings on you all. Have a great day!

t

Today is Sunday morning and I am home because I had a really rough night with tremors. I'm exhausted and I know Emily has to be. I had to grab her hand to steady myself but the tremors continued. Eventually the tremors settled down and I was able to get up and take some medicine but I still did not sleep very well. Now it is important to note that I did sleep pretty well Friday night and actually went to bed around 9 and slept through the night. I even slept some on Saturday afternoon when I usually watch football but I was just so tired. I know I have had tremors at night before and even last week but I don't know if they are going on while I am asleep which worries me for Emily's sake and her much needed rest. I just wish they could figure out why I have these tremors. I did not fall this week but I did stumble once. Hopefully the movement specialist will have some answers but so far still no date is set.

I decided to deactivate my facebook page for several reasons. I may reactivate it at sometime but for now I think it is best that I just leave that alone.

Well, my wrist is really in a lot of pain right now so I am going to stop right now and just wish everyone that reads this the best. I pray God's blessings on you all.

t

Well, today is Thursday and I know I haven't blogged in a few days but the pain in my wrist is really rough and the pain in the rib area is also painful. For the most part I have slept pretty well until last night so I had to get up several times in the night due to the pain. But, I did make it through and am still breathing ok so I don't think there is a break just the bruise the doctor talked about. But, I had to cancel my rehab both days this week which I hate but I did go to counseling yesterday even though I probably should not have as I was a bit dizzy. Today I had to take the pain meds early so that meant no driving. Well, still no word from MUSC but I am hopeful to hear something soon.

The girls are doing well and growing like weeds. No new stories to tell just the normal things that go on in a home.

Emily seems to be holding up ok but I know she is under a lot of stress and I just pray she will be ok. God has a plan and we are just going to continue to folllow his will. I pray his blessings on you all and that he will touch you in a special way. Love to all.

t

Well, today is Monday and my right arm was a bit swollen and their was a bump on the wrist so I decided to go to the doctor. I'm not going to blog much but he said there was no fracture unless it was a hairline fracture but there certainly was a sprain. He also said that I either has bruised ribs or maybe a broken rib but they treat them both the same way so there was no real reason to do an x-ray. He did say if I wanted to have one just to show one way or the other he was writing me a prescription. But, I don't see a need to do that. It would be different if they treated them differently but since they don't then I see no reason to have one done. He did prescribe a stronger pain killer until it passes and then I am to go back on the Tramadol. I am very sore and a bit dizzy from time to time but I am dealing. Ironically enough one of the ladies that witnessed the fall was there and she said the when I fell I wrapped my arm around the walker and my arm was stuck under the walker which explains why I am so sore on the upper part of the arm. The doctor said to take it easy for a few days and I should be ok from the fall. I am breathing ok even though my chest is sore which is why he leans more towards a bruised rib or ribs than a fracture.

The girls are fine and seem to like touching the wrap on my wrist so we kind of make it a game. Cottia did her homework without question and Eva was ready for bed it seemed like as soon as she came home probably due to the time change.

Emily seems better from her cold but I know she is exhausted and I just wish she could get some proper rest.

So, that is about it. We keep keeping on and know God is in control. I pray his blessing on everyone who reads this and hope everyone has a great night. Always remember there is always someone is worse shape than you are. It kind of keeps me going.

t

Today is Sunday and Emily is not feeling well. But, she got up and got the girls ready for Church while I got ready to go. I still don't have a chair for the shower but I am learning to take showers without one. It is hard and I am exhausted after but because our shower is so small I am able to lean against the wall and take the shower. So, we left for Church and it was great to have Jason here. He helped a lot with the girls and they love him so very much and he really seems to like the role of big brother. Well, we got to Church and folks were nice enough to help me with the girls. After breakfast I headed to the sanctuary for the praise and worship team practice and so we could practice "When I Survery the Wonderous Cross." which we hope to perform at some point when I am ready. I'm not sure what happened other than I was excited because I felt the practice went so well but I got up to move to the back of the church and I think I took a few steps and then fell. Everyone came to my assistance but I really needed them to just go back to normal. I was having some tremors that I remember but wasn't sure if I had hurt myself or not. Luckily for us we have a paramedic who came and checked me out. My heart rate was a bit high and she took my blood pressure but it was pretty good so the only thing out of normal was the heart rate. I went to the back of the Church and just decided to stay in the brides room until the service was over. The pain did begin to build and I began to wonder if I had hurt my wrist. So, I didn't wait, I got Jason and the girls and we left right after church. I had to take him home then we stopped by to get some lunch from Wendy's through the drive through. We came home and Eva went to take a nap. Emily also was able to take a nap and I laid down. I know I had tremors because I felt them while laying down and they seemed to be pretty intense. But, after the nap, I really felt the pain. It is in my left arm and some in my legs. There also is some in the lower rib area so I think this fall may have been worse than I originally thought so I will see how I do tonight before deciding to go to the doctor tomorrow. Right now, money is tight for everyone including us and if I can endure the pain then there is really nothing the doctor can do so I would rather not spend the money. Even my neck hurts some and I have a bit of a headache. So, that was our day. I do need to mention that I woke with pain in the legs that was more intense than usual so maybe I was just weaker than usual today for some reason. I just don't know but these falls really do worry me and I want some answers. Hopefully we will get those answers when we go to Charleston.

Cottia was very attentive to me and is being very protective right now. Eva does not really understand so that is good and Jason was sent around to check on me. But, I really didn't want him or any of who I consider my children including chloe or jessie to see me like that. But, at least they did see me back on the pew and not on the floor.

I'm just glad today is over. I don't have a lot of funny stories today like I have been trying to do other than to say that kids really have a way of handling things and bouncing back.

Well, that is about it. I hope and pray tomorrow will be a better day and I pray God's blessing on everyone who reads this. May his grace be with you all.

t

It's hard to believe it has been Tuesday since I have posted a blog. But, a lot has happened and I have found myself busy and also tired.

First, Eva has thrown up the last two nights and has a bit of a cold. We have had to bath her and the poor thing has just been miserable. But, she seems better tonight just a little snotty nose. Hopefully she will get a good nights rest and feel better. Emily took her to the doctor and he put her on an antiobiotic.

Cottia has gotten smiley faces this week and I am so proud of her. She continues to be my shining star and I love both of them so much.

I had an issue with incontinence this week which I had thought I was over but it appears when ever I have an issue I am going to struggle with this. It is frustrating but the doctor said there is nothing he can do.

I know Emily has to be tired but I am hoping she can get some rest this weekend. We are going to have lunch with an elderly lady from our Church tomorrow and I always enjoy those moments with her. She makes the girls feel so special and so that should be a fun time. My biggest concern will be getting through her house but I'll manage somehow.

My leg continues to hurt quite a bit and the cramping is getting worse. The pain in my foot is still there but it comes and goes. The back of my left knee is really starting to hurt and my thigh is also in pain. Still the left side is weaker than the left.

Still no date on the appointment in Charleston but I just hope it is not going to be the week of Thanksgiving. We will just have to wait and see.

Well, that is about it. God is still in control and I continue to marvel at his grace through all of this. Thank you all again for your care and concern and may God richly bless you all. Have a good weekend.

Oh, tomorrow my friend Bill is coming down to watch the game and I think Jason is coming over too so we are looking forward to having them both in the house and I want to thank my friend Shannon Jones, his son, and wife for moving our wood box and filling it for us so we can start building fires to save of heat bills. One thing I know about myself is how different I am now as compared to even a year ago and how cold I get so I really appreciated their help.

Again, take care and God bless.

t

Today was therapy day and it went pretty well. While walking with a cane I nearly fell but I didn't and the physical therapist was there to help. My legs just felt weak and I was tired but I got through it. Speech went well and we are going back to twice a week with speech and as it appears I have enough sessions left to last until the end of this month then there will be no therapy during December. But, we will cross that when we get to it. The pain in the calf on the left leg was pretty bad and the cramping is getting worse but still bareable. My left foot went numb but I fell towards the right but I think that was because I was putting most of my weight on the right side while walking with the cane.

I came home pretty tired and rested the rest of the afternoon. I did get a call that it will be probably another 2 weeks before I know when I am going to MUSC. The records and request has been sent but it takes about 2 weeks to get the appointment then they will set the date. I am ready to get this done and make that visit.

The girls are doing well. Eva seems to have a bit of a cold and Cottia had a little bit of an attitude this afternoon but she was probably just tired. They are both resting and I pray they have a peaceful night.

Well, that is about it. God is good and we are watching him work everyday. I pray God will richly bless you all no matter your circumstances in life.

Today the pain in the left leg was really bad and I had some dizzy spells so I spent a lot of my time in bed. I did make some very important phone calls regarding my insurance and tried to do a few things but I refused to not go out with my children tonight.

Last night was kind of rough. I had a little stomach thing going on and Cottia threw up so I did not get to bed until about 2am. I think Cottia had just eaten too much candy she seems fine today.

So, after a longer than usual nap I got up and took a shower. It was hard without the chair but I managed. I am not sure what is taking so long to get a new chair but I have to do the best I can and needless to say I won't get into detail but at least our shower is small.

The girls were so cute. They were dressed as repuncil (sp) and they really had a good time. It was obvious that Cottia was worried about me because I could not get out of the car but I was there and that is what counts the most. So, we started the evening at First Baptist in Gaston and the girls just had a blast. The first words out of Cottia's mouth was "you're not getting out?" I explained that it was just a bit too much for daddy and she seemed to understand and then went on to have fun. I waited in the car and then we went to our Church. The girls got lots of candy and had a blast and once again their mom was just incredible.

So, now we are home and all the makeup is off and there are two exhausted little girls in bed who really had a great day and beginning to the holiday season. Their mother has to be exhausted and there dad is just grateful for all he has. Despite it all we are still together and that is nothing to be taken for granted.

Tommorrow is therapy and I hope I get some answers regarding my insurance. Then, after half a day I'll be worn out just like I am now and all I did was ride. I did help get the girls ready for bed and put the little one down. We had our usual singing together which is the perfect way to end the day. I pray God's blessing on all who read this and hope he speaks to your heart.

Oh, one more thing on the health side. I am beginning to have the cramps they said would come in my calves. They aren't too bad but they have started. That is a part of the vein disease. So, I am increasing my water intake and hoping for the best. Cramps are the worst pain to me but hopefully it won't get too bad.

Well, that is it and I once again wish you all a good night and pray God's blessings.

t

We had a great weekend with Emily's mom and step-dad. They do so much for us when they are here. It is always hard to say goodbye to them but hopefully it won't be too long before we see them again. Eva had a great party and once again my hat's off to my wife for all she did and how hard she worked. She does so much and pulled off another great time for the kids. While I do good to take a shower without falling and get myself dressed hoping I won't fall over against the wall. But, I have to say that would be funny if it ever did happen. Even I would laugh at that.

I have had some feedback on the blog and some people want me to continue to talk about my health issues while others say they have stopped reading because it brings them down. So, I am trying to do a mixture of both. So, here is an update on how I am doing. The pain in the left leg continues to give me problems and I really do worry where that is leading. It is also in the right leg but just not as bad. After Eva's party we went out to eat at Lizard Thicket and on the way out I almost fell again but thankfully there were some others there that helped. It seems as though those rugs they put out in those places are a real problem for me. But, I do the best I can and just have to take things slow. Doors combined with those rugs are a real problem. My vocal quality is much better but stringing sentences is also still a challenge. We are working on a trio/quartet at the church which should help and it brings me back to my roots of singing. I practiced with them today and I felt it sent well. I look forward to the day I can sing in front of our church again no matter the role weather solo or with a group. We will just have to see how it goes. One thing that is of concern is as I understand it I only have 4 more visits available under my insurance to rehab and that is it for the year. So, I may have to end that until next year when a new insurance takes place and see how it goes. None the less God is in control.

Well, that is about it. God continues to guide and despite it all we continue to move on. May his will be done.

Oh, the girls had a great weekend and it is such a joy to watch them having so much fun. I pray God's blessings on everyone who reads this and I do mean everyone. Have a good one everyone!!

t

Well, the family from Virginia has made it safe and sound and we are glad to have them. I probably won't be able to post much the next few days but will try when I can. I had a good day at Rehab. They are concerned about my balance but I think I am making progress and will continue to work hard.

Now we are preparing for our precious Eva's birthday party this weekend. It is hard to believe she will be three. But, she grows more beautiful everyday.

Cottia got a smilie face today after two rough days at school so I am very proud of her.

Well, that is about it. The pain is still there and very intense at times but I am dealing with it am beginning to just deal with the fact that it is a part of my life.

Well, again, I'm not sure how much I will be able to post over the next few days but I pray God will richly bless you all and that you have a great weekend.

t

Today has certainly not been my day. I got the girls up but they did not want to get up. Well, actually Cottia did not want to get up. So, we were running behind a bit and I don't like to take showers without someone here in the house just in case. I hated that Emily had to take both girls this morning but I had rehab to get to so I took my shower. Well, this was the first time that I actually fell while in the shower. I landed on the floor and hit my right hand on the toilet. I think I may have chipped a bone or even broken it but it is not swollen too bad and the pain is barable. I landed on my left side and had to sit there for a while to compose myself. I yelled for help but they were already gone. It was the most helpless feeling I have ever had in my life but I knew I could not just lay there naked and alone. So, I was able to get myself up on the toilet. The shower chair was broken and I had torn down the shower curtain but I managed to dry myself off and get dressed. Originally, I felt numb more than pain but eventually pain settled in. So, I took my medicine but decided to go ahead with rehab because it is just too important. Ironically enough my speech session went very well. I was calm and composed and I took things slow which really makes a big difference. Physical therapy just took things slow but it also went well and we worked on ankle strength and leg strength. Then, I had to stop by walmart for something for Cottia and then get my prescription refilled. I am now home and my pain meds are taking affect so I will soon be out. But, I think I have learned never to go into the shower without my phone. The rehab hospital said they will help with getting me a new chair so that is good. Right now, I just want to rest.

On some brighter notes Eva got to go to a farm today with maw maw and I can't wait to hear about how much fun she had. Cottia and Eva are going to my mom's for the afternoon and then my mom will bring them home because Emily has to get her allergy shot and I will probably be knocked out. Such is my life. Well, I may blog more later but for now that is about it. The right thumb is the most painful place I have but I expect I'll be sore in the morning.

I wish God's richest blessings on you all and ask that we get some answers when we go to Charleston. Still no date on when that will be but I am ready to go and hope for the best. Have a great afternoon and again God bless you all.

t

Today I fell again. Nothing really. I went outside and just fell over. I did break my cell phone cover so there really is just no use for me to keep buying them. Over all though I had a pretty good day. I got my retirement moved to an individual account and I was able to practice some on the system I will be using for the new job. I really can't wait to get started and really feel good about this.

The morning started off pretty normally as I able to take Eva to Maw Maw's and then went to the Milling company. I bought some bails of hey so Emily and the girls could make a fall festival pumpkin thingy in the front yard. But, I can't load them or unload them so it was up to the guy who works at the milling company to load them and then Emily unloaded them. I felt bad that she did that but she is one strong woman!! Well, I went back outside with them and watched as they decorated it. The girls had so much fun and it was nice to see them having so much fun. I just want their lives to be as normal as possible.

This Saturday is Eva's third birthday and it really seems impossible that she is three!! The family is arriving from Virginia on Thursday so we will have a house full.

Well, that is about it. I hope and pray everyone has a great night and God rishly blesses you all.

t

Not really a lot to talk about. Pretty typical weekend. Emily and Cottia went to the football game Friday and I stayed home with Eva. She was in bed by 6:30 so not much for me to do other than watch a movie and wait on text updates on the game from Emily. It is interesting how I used to live for Swansea football and now I'm glad when they win but don't really care one way or the other. My life just seems so much different these days, things I used to care so passionently about I no longer have an interest in. Oh, again, don't get me wrong, I'm glad our team won and is winning but if they lose it won't bother me where as before I used to be so upset. I have grown to enjoy my Friday nights at home and really enjoyed the time I had with Eva even if it wasn't as long as I had wanted.

Saturday I got my hair cut along with the girls and had hoped to spend some more time with Eva but she wanted to go with her momma to town so I took Cottia with me and we went to my mom's and did a little fishing. I always enjoy that time with Cottia but I am worried that I am not spending enough time with Eva. So, I try to make sure to at least put her to bed at night. I am still able to give her a bath and we do snuggle and sing and then she has learned how to climb in her crib which does make me wonder when she will be crawling out!! But, for now, I'll take what I can get with her.

My pain in the left leg continues to be there. But, it is what it is. This week is Eva's birthday party and Emily is busy getting things ready and working hard to make it the perfect day for Eva. I have therapy and counseling and really hope I can get going on doing some group coordinating. The ringing in my ears is also getting worse but I think that is stress related.

We had Jason over last night and it was nice to have him back in the house. We had a very nice talk about his future and various subjects. I normally try to get to bed a whole lot sooner than I did last night but I have not had the chance to talk to him in a while so it was good to spend the time with him. I just want for him and his life.

This morning was Church and I think I have solved my church choir problem. Our music director said we can work on some 4 part harmony and that will keep me from having to drive after dark. So, I think that problem is now solved.

Well, life goes on and so does time. The family from Virginia should start arriving Thursday and then the party is next Saturday. Well, I certainly hope everyone has a great week and may God richly bless you all.

t

Well, I haven't blogged in a few days. Just not much to talk about. I missed counseling Wednesday because it was raining but that was a mistake. I should have gone but I am nervous about driving in the rain. The ringing in my ears is back and worse than ever but I think it is just nerves and maybe a little pressure from the job and worrying about disability. But, life goes on. I am still waiting on when the appointment will be in Charleston. I did call today and they told me it was at least 2 weeks to get the appointment and then I am not sure how long it will be before the actual apponintment will be. Today they did a balance test on me at Physical therapy. The lowest you can score is 14. The highest is 56. I scored 13. I really expected to do better but I do think it explains why I fall like I do. But, I am chosing to look at it as a goal. They will retest in a few weeks and see where I am. Hopefully, I will be in the 20's or 30's. Setting goals is very important IMO and I am ready to keep working. Speech is going well and I think I am going to join my cousin's church's choir for practice purposes only but it should help me string sentences together which is very important.

On the fun side of life, Cottia played waitress tonight and even demanded a tip from her guest which was her mom. I was the boss. It was great to see her having fun and relaxing. Now for an Eva story. She passed gas and they both laughed. Then, Cottia looked at me and said sometimes when you have to fart you just have to fart. It was one of those classic moments that can only happen from a child. I am so blessed to have them.

So, that's about it. I hope everyone has a good night and may God richly bless you. He has me.

t

Not much to blog about today. I spent most of the day in bed. I woke around 5am with chest pain and it was really intense. So, I took some aspirin and nitro then went back to bed. That always causes a headache. I continued to have the chest pain throughout the day and just felt so weak. I did have some sweating spells but I decided not to go to the hospital or the medical center. The pains always let up and I refuse to waste anymore of our families money. So, physically that is about it.

Now, for the great news!! My girls are home and my oldest has lost her first tooth!! She was so excited to show me the tooth. She is so cute and of course the youngest one says she is about to lose one too. So, this will be our first visit from the tooth fairy which is exciting. I love these moments even if they are reminders that my little girls are growing up.

Well, that is about it. The house is back to normal full of little girls running around and making plenty of noise and we are grateful to mawmaw and pawpaw for taking them on the trip.

I pray everyone has a great evening and that God will richly bless you all.

t

Well today was Sunday and Church day. It was unusual to not have to get the girls ready but it was also nice to be able to sleep in for a while before heading off. I'm not sure why but a friend of mine tapped me on the shoulder which caused me to start tremoring. It was that old trick to try to get me to look over the wrong shoulder. The tremors settled down during the service but then we went out to eat and I saw another old and dear friend and his family and the tremors started again. They were worse today for some reason. I don't know it it is because the girls are gone and I just miss them or what the reason was but eventually they also passed. Needless to say, I was exhausted so Emily brought me home and we both had nice long naps.

When we woke, Emily continued her cleaning of the house and I did all I could to help. It amazes me just how exhausted I get doing the simpliest of things but that is just the way it is. The last thing I will say about my physical condition is the pain in the left leg is worse today but I think it was because I tried to help out and did everything I could. I refuse to allow my wife to do it all even though she tries.

Now, on to the fun and great things that happened. We had a great sermon. But, not a big crowd. I guess it was just too cold for folks to get out. Lunch was great and we really enjoyed spending time with a dear friend and I think having grown up conversation for all of us was very good. She also neesds the time with us and we are grateful for the time we had with her. I also enjoyed watching my beloved wife hold the baby. I got to hold her for a little while but I was tired and having some chest pain so I passed her to Emily. I thought Emily would pass her back to her parents but instead she held the baby through the entire sermon. Emily is a great mother but for her to just hold a baby is not normal but wonderful to see. I'm not sure why but it gives me hope that there still may be a baby or at least another child in our future which gives me even more reason to continue to fight. The baby is beautiful and quiet and she reminds me that no matter what happens and no matter how bad things may get that life goes on. That is a gift that only a God of the ages can give.

Well, that is about it. I continue to pray that God richly blesses you all and that everyone has a great night and week ahead.

Oh, I'm not sure when I will see the movement specialist but I hope it is soon and I am ready to get that behind me. All though I am looking forward to the trip to Charleston. It is my favorite city in the world. Hopefully we can take some time to enjoy the city itself.

Again, have a great night and God bless.

t

Ok, don't laugh but I got confused. Yes, I admit it I got confused as to where my neurologist office was and parked in the wrong parking lot. Well, I was told I could walk to their office but I didn't know how far it was. I was using the walker and it was quite a distance. By the end of the walk I was exhausted and frustrated which led to tremors. Well, the hospital staff of course got ahold of me because they just weren't sure what was going on. I was stammering but it really was just because I had worn myself out. So, they were going to take me to the ER but I refused to go back to that place and said just get me to my doctor's office and I'll be fine. Luckily there was a doctor there and he checked my pulse and ordered a wheelchair and they took me on to the doctor so I didn't end up in the ER. The neurologist office said they could not allow me to drive given how bad the tremors were at that moment so they called my mom and her husband who came and got me. He did tell mom that as a neurologist he has really done all he can and thinks conversion is the diagnosis and that stress and anxiety brings on the tremors. I also know he asked me some questions as to what date it was but I had no idea. I did know it was October but I always have to check my phone for the date. I also got the day of the week wrong but I got the year right. But, I think a lot of that had to do with being upset and the fact that the girls were off school and just a lot of things going on. So, he did tell my mom that he wants me to see a movement specialist and that he wants me to go to MUSC in Charleston. Continue with counseling and he will see me back in January. So, that was my day. Mom and Vance brought me home and I took my medicine and went to bed. The tremors always make me so tired and add the walk just got the best of me. But, I'm glad to be going to MUSC. They are very good down there and I think this is a good idea.

Now, for the fun news. The girls got to go to the fair today with their mom and a young lady from our Church. They had a ball. I'm not sure how Eva was still operating when she got home but she is just a go getter. This morning Cottia was very clingy so I asked her if she was worried about daddy while she was at the fair. Her answer was I really didn't think about you because I was having too much fun.....not sure how to take that but it made me laugh.

Now for an Eva story. The girls are going camping with Mawmaw and Pawpaw this weekend so Emily and I get a weekend to ourselves. I really hope we can go to a movie or at least go out to dinner and just enjoy a quiet house all though I will continue to admit that I have to turn on Eva's music and Cottia's light in order for me to sleep. Well, Emily asked Eva what she wanted to wear to sleep in. Her answer...."pajama's." What a sense of humor and it brought a well deserved laugh.

Well, that is about it. Another interesting day in the life. I pray blessings and God's grace on all who read this and wish you a great weekend.

t

Today was PT day. I didn't do as well as I had been doing. I had some tremors and was not able to walk as far as usual with the walker. But, my PT specialist said it is that my body just has to get used to the new blood pressure which was 121/81!! So, just a matter of adjusting.

Emily had to work until 7 so I had to get the girls at 245 because Maw Maw was going to a funeral. It was the funeral of a young person which is always tragic and makes you appreciate what you have and to treasure your children every day.

Even though it was 3, I decided to go ahead and take the girls out to supper. We went to Pedros and using the walker can be a challenge there but the girls know that and really behaved themselves. We had a great dinner and time together. Then, I took them to the park so they could play. They had a ball and were typical sisters. They did argue over building a sand castle but they really enjoyed playing and sliding down the slides. All I did was sit on the picnic table and enjoy watching my girls. Then, it was home and Eva was worn out but we had to have baths. They have pretty much learned how to give themselves a bath but I still have to help in some ways. It is hard and my biggest fear is falling but so far so good. Luckily Cottia had to use the bathroom so I got to do one at a time and right after Eva got out and got dressed for bed something else she can now do for herself I put her to bed. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

Now, Cottia is watching TV after picking up the house a little bit and I am watching the news. So, that was our day. The pain in my legs is off the chains but it was well worth it. I feel I am making real progress and look forward to hearing what the doctor has to say tomorrow. So, tomorrow is another of those big days.

Emily is taking the girls to the fair and I'll admit I feel left out because there is just no way I can handle it. But, that is the way it is and I'll just be thankful for today and the time I had with them.

I hope everyone who reads this has a great night and I pray God's blessings on you all. May the Lord richly bless you all.

t

Today was counseling day and I always look forward to that. Tomorrow I will have physical therapy then Friday I meet with the neurologist again and am looking forward to discussing where I am now and where I was when he first saw me. I feel I have made some major progress and hope to continue to make progress.

Not a lot to report but two things that did happen today with my girls that are worth sharing. One is my youngest got a hold of her mom's remote control and mom was at school so it was just me and the girls. We were frantic trying to figure out where in the world she could have put it. We didn't find it and I had to get the girls to Church for Awana's. Well, when I got home I found the remote on the top of the cloths washer. She had put it there when she got her dora pudding for supper. Cottia had a hot dog and we got her homework done before we left for Church but boy was I glad to find that remote.

Then, when I picked up the girls which I have to thank the people that bring them out and help me get them in the car because it is hard for me so I want them to know just how much I do appreciate it. Well, I told the girls we found the remote and they were both glad. Cottia said maybe one day I could marry her!! It was my first marriage proposal from a girl so I told her sure! Nice to know my little girl wants to marry me.

Well, that is about it. I hope everyone has a great night and pray God's blessing on each and everyone of you. Remember there is always someone worse off than you are and God has a plan for your life.

t

Today I got to hold a baby. I had held her before but only for a few seconds because I was worried about a tremor. But, today her parents who are good friends of ours let me hold her and even though it was painful in my arm and backside because it meant I sat in the sanctuary the whole service, it was so worth it. It reminded me of when my children were baby's and how much I want another baby. But, more than that, it reminded me of how God gives us life. You see, in our Church a family that I see but really don't know very well lost their son yesterday. Yet, they were in Church today. Not bitter, not questioning, not having a pity party just there. I looked at the mother who had lost her son and I looked at the mother of the baby I was holding and I looked at the mother of my children and I thought how amazing it is that God gives women the gift of giving birth. I don't profess to know the pain of giving birth or the heartache of a mother over losing a child, but I do know what it is like to love a child so much that you would die for her. I may have been through a lot this past year and I may still have a lot more to go through and at times life has not seemed fair and I'll even admit that I have felt like giving up. But, holding that baby today was the best medicine I have had. No doctor can give you that feeling of life renewed and just how beautiful it is. I suggest everyone take the time if the mother and father are willing and just hold a baby even if it is for a few minutes. Hold that baby and smell the smell of new life. Listen to them breath and marvel at the fact that a loving God has placed that life on this earth. Then, take the time to realize just how fragile it is and appreciate the moment you have.

Now, I'd like to share two stories about my own children and how they blessed me this weekend. Yesterday, I was in a lot of pain. Pain is a part of my life and my oldest knows it because I complain way too much. I fell asleep during the Carolina/Kentucky game and she took the time to write me a note which I have beside me to keep me going. It isn't complicated but it is from the heart of a 6 year old. It simply says: " I love Daddy, Daddy loves me, I know how daddy feels and I really love him. Then, the drew a picture of me and her together holding hands and smiling. She said I can have it framed and I intend to do just that to remember how much we love each other. Only a child can give that feeling.

My 2 year old soon to be 3 this morning brought her Rapunzel doll into our bedroom after I had gotten up for Church. She gently laid the doll where I sleep and said it was there to protect me. She did not ask for it back and it is still in our bed. After Church on the way home, we asked her how she enjoyed children's church and she said she loved it!! She said: "We got to eat marchmellows! Those litttle ones." Perspective is very important!! And the Rapunzel doll is still in our bed to protect daddy.

Now, I don't profess to know why we have been through all we have been through this year and why things still seem to be happening. I'm still disabled and still struggle with a lot of things. Lord knows, I am not a perfect husband or daddy. But, I still have my children and we still have our home and each other and a God that has a plan we may not understand but one we have to follow and accept his guidance. In the past year, he has seen us through all my health issues, he has brought Jason into our lives, he has made sure we have food to eat and today he has provided reminders of just how precious life is.

I pray God's peace on the family that is suffering right now. I pray God's blessings on the new life I got to hold today. I pray God's blessings on the mother who sat next to us today and sits next to us every Sunday and the life she is carrying and I pray blessings on my sister in law who is carrying my nephew. May the God of the ages look over all these lives and grant them all of life's joys and peace. I pray God's blessings on the mother of my children and grant her peace as she has so much responsibility with our home, finances and our children and the love only she can know for them. I pray for all the Father's out there. I pray that God will gran you courage to be the man he meant for you to be and if you are not stepping up to the plate then I pray God will convict your heart and that you will know the simple joy of holding a child. Men sometimes shy away from that but I can tell you that there is nothing like it. And, finally, I pray God will richly bless each and everyone who reads this blog. Have a great night and remember life is precious and even though we may not always understand his plan, God does have one if we will simply see it through.

t

Today was my last day of occupational therapy at least for a while. I will miss working with Darlene but it means I am making progress and so I look at it like I graduated and passed a class. I had physical therapy and will continue with that twice a week. Speech will be once a week and continued counseling will be once a week. My BP was high today and I'm not sure why Darlene decided to take it but she did and it started high but not extremely high. Then Horace my physical therapist took my BP and it was 190/120. Very high but I had just walked so we waited a bit and took it again. It had come down to 188/88. I called my doctor and they felt I needed to be seen so they got me back and my BP was 150/96 so it had gone back up and my doctor suggested uping my BP dosage and gave me some samples. So, I was excited because I really thought he was going to put me in the hospital but he didn't. On my way out, I dropped the bag of samples with the prescription and tried to reach over to pick it up. I was in the parking lot which is paved. Well, of course I fell. I don't really remember very much but they got me back in and I had a hard time moving my neck but they basically just left me alone and I calmed down. I was tremoring pretty bad but obviously I could not drive. So, my mom and her husband came and got me and brought me home. The tremors combined with the fall really took it out of me and I was exhausted. I went to bed and was awoke to the most beautiful little voice. I had to fight to wake up but I wanted to see my girls so I did. I was not aware of the time but Emily was giving baths and getting some hot dogs ready for the girls. I was very sore and in a lot of pain but at least I did get to see the girls. I just don't understand why I continue to fall but it is just there and I have to deal with it.

Not much else to tell. I am having a few chest pains tonight but I think that is from the fall. I don't plan to really do anything tonight except to relax and try to take it easy. My left leg is in the usual pain but due to the fall the right side is in pain as well. Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

Well, tomorrow is homecoming at our high school and I hope our team does well. I won't go but will follow via text from Emily.

So, life moves on and I appreciate all the continued prayers.

Cottia's tooth is almost out and we even tried to get it to come out tonight but without success but it won't be long. Of course Eva says she has a tooth ready to come out too so that just shows how normal life can be even in the midst of the storm.

I wish everyone who reads this a wonderful evening and may God richly bless you.

Today was Therapy day but last night was really rough. I woke with very intense chest pain and it lasted for several hours. I finally had to take the nitro spray and then it let up. This seems to be happening more often but I've been told there really isn't much they can do. So, I just take the spray when I feel it is necessary and then go back to bed. In the past I have spoken about how I am able to get around the house pretty good and that continues but today at physical therapy I really had a triumph. I was able to walk for about 165 feet with one of those 4 prong canes. I tremored a bit and worried I might fall but the physical therapist was there and I did have to stop three times but I made it. It was a great feeling.

My speech therapist said the tremors in my vocal area were there again today but again I think that was because of how tired I was from the heart issue last night. We had a good session and I am going to once a week with speech and occupational therapy but will have workouts I can do at home. As of right now physical therapy is still going to be twice a week in the hopes of getting me to walk without a walker or cane outside and in public. I believe this is achieveable and it certainly is encouraging.

The girls are find and tonight was parent teacher night. So, I stayed home with Eva while Emily went with Cottia. It is good for them to do those kinds of things together so I am glad and it gave me some time with Eva. I have been worried about the time I get to spend with her and really enjoy her spirit and zest for life.

Well, that is about it. I made sure that even though I was worn out after the episode last night I still made myself get up and go to therapy because it is so important. I was exhausted afterwards and slept a little more than I usually do in the afternoon. I had a few tremors when I got home but I made it and am so glad that I had today.

Eva is sleeping and looks like such a little angel when she is asleep and Cottia continues to grow and is really becoming quite the little lady. I love them both so much.

Emily continues to go and go and never stops. Her strength and resolve should be an inspiration to everyone. She has stuck by me and I greatly appreciate it.

Well, I guess that is about it. I have counseling tomorrow then PT on Thursday. I pray God richly blesses you all and helps us all to realize just how precious life is but the life to come is even more precious so live this life as you prepare for the next one! Have a great night and love to all.

Well, to say the weekend was interesting would be an understatement. Friday night I was able to go to my first high school football game of the season. The coach and a very good friend helped me. My friend took me by golf cart to the handicapped seating and I was able to watch the entire game. It was a thriller and the biggest game in our town in a long time. And, we won!! We came from a 14-3 deficit to win 20-14. Huge for our program and while I did have some tremors I made it through it. Then, Saturday morning both Emily and I were able to sleep in. I was exhausted and I know she had to be. My daughters did their little cheer thing during half time and I could not have been prouder. They are truly the light of my life. Then, I went to see the movie Courageous with Jason. I was not in the proper mood to see the movie so I want to try and be as fair as I can to it. There are always two ways to react to a movie. You can say what people want to hear or you can say how you really felt about it so I'll do both. For those that just want to hear how great it is I'll say it has a message we all should know and if you have someone who is not saved then I would suggest not necessarily going to the theatre but waiting and buying it or renting it and watching it with them and then talking about what you just saw especially if they have children. For those that want to know how I personally felt about it, I thought the acting was not very good and the story was predictable. I kind of had it figured out in the first 5 to 10 minutes of the movie. There is one actor that did stick out though and I wish I knew his name but the only way I can identify him is he is the African American police officer. He is a good actor and did a good job. I have Fireproof, Facing the Giants, all of the left behind movies and End of the sphere and some other movies like this. 3rd behing Fireproff and Facing the Giants. The Left Behind movies are not completed yet so it is kind of hard to rate this movie with those. But, like I said, it does have a message and if you know someone who is not saved then I recommend the movie but I'm not sure I would go back to the theatre to see it again.

Then, came Sunday. Our Church normally does breakfast but we skipped that this morning because it was homecoming so once again we could sleep a little later. Problem was I slept a bit too much. I got the girls ready and Jason helped Emily with the foods so I could get my shower. We went in separate cars and I was late. I got to Church about 10 and worship starts at 10:30 so I just went on in the sanctuary and waited on Emily and the girls. I know people will find this hard to believe but I really do not like events like homecoming but Emily had worked so hard on making brownies and mac and cheese and I felt I had to stay so I did. I was able to talk with a man in our community that has the same vein disease I have. He is a double amputee something I don't expect will happen to me but it is a possibility and he shared a lot with me. I have a lot of respect for him and his wife and miss them greatly. They used to go to our Church but are now going somewhere else. I think that as the disease progresses I will certainly seek his advice and counsel. Another bright spot for me was I got to hold a baby. It is the baby of a dear friend of mine and it was such a joy. I made sure the mom was there and others just in case I began to tremor and I was seated. I held her for about 5 minutes and it really made my heart sore with joy just to hold a newborn.

Cottia has a lose tooth!! She is so excited and is ready for that first tooth to come out! I want to just freeze time but I know that will not happen. I can't believe she is in the first grade and she is growing so tall. But, she still crawls up in my lap and even though she is not a new born I treasure each and every snuggle and hug and the smell of her hair and her laughter and just the joy she brings to my heart. Eva is also growing and will be three this month. Man, is that hard to believe. One of my great joys is also holding her. I love to rock with her. She will follow me down the hall with my walker and crawl in my lap and we rock and I sing to her. I love kissing her little face and then when she is ready she knows to go to her crib and crawl up the side so I can put her in. Then, I gently cover her in her blanket and stroke her beautiful blonde hair and just fall in love with all over again. The, I walk out and take one final look at her and we both smile and I know that smile will be there the next morning and that is such a great joy.

Well, I guess that is about it. The pain in my left calf has been pretty bad today and in the left ankle but the tremors have not been too bad but I keep on keeping on. I hope everyone has a great night and may God richly bless you.

Well, today started out well enough. We got up on time and got the girls off and I headed to counseling. I always look forward to that. Then, on the way home, I needed to stop off at Wal-mart. Well, all the handicapped spaces were filled so I had to ride around for a while but God always provides and I found a parking space very close just by the store. I have to use one of those roller cart things because I can't walk around the store. Well, there is a light that tells you if the battery is dead or going dead and it was green so that meant the battery was fine. So, I started to pick up the few things we needed and then suddenly the cart died on me. I felt embarrassed and had to ask for someone to bring me a new one. Well, the store was gracious and certainly did bring me one but it had already started frustration. So, I didn't want to but I was hungry so I went through Sonic for lunch. I really don't like doing that but with my therapy sessions and this today I have had to go through fast food both days. I usually go through Bojangles and get Their boberry biscuits because they are cheap and every penny counts right now. But, they are just not that good for me so I went through sonic again adding to my frustration. I could feel my heart racing and the pacemaker working but I made it home and got in a short nap before I had to go get the girls. Emily had to have a crown on her teeth so I had to get the girls. Thankfully we have such wonderful people as Judy and Johnny in our lives that bring the girls out so I don't have to get out and risk falling on my way into their house. Well, we made it home at the exact same time Emily was driving up so she was here. We got cottia's homework done but Eva was in some mood. I don't think she feels very well and Judy woke her up from her nap so she was still sleepy and that also added to it. Emily took them to Awanas and I decided I wanted to go to Church tonight. Well, on the way in, I tried to open the door and fell against it. It really hurt this time on the right side and right now I am in a lot of pain in the right lower arm and hand but I have become so used to it that I just don't really think about it that much. I am just thankful that I didn't fall all the way to the ground. I was able to brace myself against the door until two men from the Church came out to help. I had obvious tremors but I have learned that taking some very deep breaths helps calm them down as long as I wait. It took some time but having these men to hold me while I gathered myself helped. The tremors lasted for about 15 minutes I would say so I asked a friend of ours to go with me to the brides room which she did and we just talked and it helped because I was concerned about driving but I felt I could make it. I called Emily to let her know we were on our way home and to ask her to start a cup of coffee for me. I didn't want to alarm her so I didnt tell her about the fall but at least she knew we were on the way home so she would have a time line to expect us. I have taken some pain mediine and will watch the right arm and hand to make sure there is no swelling. I don't see the need to go to the doctor unless it swells or something like that. Right now, I just want to relax and be thankful for the day I had and that I am home safe and sound. I have therapy tomorrow so I will tell them about it and let them take a look just to be on the safe side but unless there is some swelling there really isn't anything a doctor can do. I have noticed that I am getting dizzy more often but am not sure why. I guess we will see. Probably has to do with all the meds I m on. Well, that is about it. Just another day in the life.

On other notes, both girls did their Bible verses and seemed to have a great time at Awanas and are learnin so much. I am very proud of both of them. They are so beautiful and God has given me far more than I deserve. I pray his blessings on you all and may God richly bless you all. Have a great night.

It has been a few days since I have blogged but I really have not had a lot to report. Today, I had therapy and found out that my insurance will pay for only 10 more visits so we have decided to tweek some things. I will do occupational therapy two more times and speech will also move to once a week but physical therapy will continue twice a week as far as I know right now. The exercise is very important for the vein disease so that has to be the priority. I am excited about what my Dr of speech therapy has for me though. She wants me to join a choir!! I have missed that and so I have to find one that will work with me so I am contacting folks that will allow me to sing with the group and that understands I will probably not be able to stand long periods of time. But, I can hopefully work on a Christmas program that is traditional and yet challenging. I feel like I have a new lease and even though the rehap will be winding down it will be there for me next year if I need it. The most important thing right now is this vein issue. If the blockage continues to build it could lead to a bigger and more major heart attack or stroke especially since my BP went to 190/135 last week. So, there will be some changes in my life but that is not always a bad thing. I just pray God continues to work and I pray his blessings on everyone who reads this. Have a great night and take care. t

Well, it's been a few days since I have blogged but I feel the need to do so tonight. I am in another of the girls and Emily would be better off without me. I am just tired and know everyone reacts the same but I have promised to be honest so that is my emotion tonight. But, right now, I am watching Jeff Dunham's new show and it is really funny. He is a bit adult but it cracks me up! I went to one of his shows when he was in Columbia a few years ago and it was very funny. The pain in my legs is worse today but I guess that is to be expected.

My cousin seems to be doing pretty well and is recovering. I wish her all the best.

Disability continues to be more stress than is good for me or anyone. I now truly understand why people hate insurance companies the way they do. But, I have to figure a way to work this out to take the best care of my family as I can and get back to some form of work. At least if I am able to get into sales I can truly tell folks what to expect and help them through the process.

I still trust God and put my life in his hands. I have to admit that I wonder why Emily puts up with me. She is so strong and faces life dead on while I just want to crawl in a corner and give up. I admire her so much and just want what is best for her and these two little girls.

One thing I can leave this life with when that day comes is that I did not lie, I did the best I could, and did not give up. That is not a bad legacy to leave behind. I hope I have many more years to go but we will see. God has that all planned out.

To say it was a rough weekend is an understatement but it is over now and I am ready to move on. I continue to appreciate all the prayers and support. God bless you all and have a good night.