My cousin Sherrell took me to the doctor today for my follow up. My cousin Anna would have taken me but she is in Mississippi and could not take the time off. But, she promised she would send me a meal and some cheesecake to make up for it so I guess all is good! LOL. I had a tremor when we got to the doctor's office. I lost my balance so they had to bring a wheel chair. The doctor has increased my valum dosage to 10 miligrams and I am to take it as needed. I really like my doctor, he is patient andd caring. He wants me to see a counselor and not just a behavioral specialist to determine for sure that this is conversion disorder. He offered such clear instructions and guidance and I feel so good about where we go from here. He also will coordinate my disability. They will call and set up the appts for the counselor and follow up with my home therapy. We did not set up my follow up with Dr. Griggs but I am sure that will come next week. After the trip I was so tired and worn out but felt good about where I am and where we go from here. Bottom line is we are making progress and I do feel I am in good hands. As Dr. Griggs put it let's make sure this is indeed conversion disorder. If it is great we can continue to treat it if not, let's get some answers and treat the condition with proper medication. He ordered me handicaped parking pass and ordered me not to drive until further notice.

I enjoyed my time with my cousin as well. She was so helpful and comforting. I am truly blessed to have her and my family.

Today was not a good day. The storms started it off but it didn't get much better. I am very tired tonight so I won't blog much but it is a good thing that the nurse made a visit today. My blood pressure started at 140/92. then 140/88, then 160/100, then 132/86, and finally 140/80. My pulse rate went up to 96. The nurse is recommending either I increase the miligrams of valum or that I take it 4 times a day. There really is no reason for my bp to have jumped around like it did so I am glad I am seeing my regular doctor tomorrow. There is also no reason for my heart rate to have increased as it did. One thing they suggested is when I feel my bp and heart rate going up that I listen to music to try to relax. So, I will certainly do that. It is so obvious that I am not handling stress very well so we have to learn how to do that. I also fell today but did not hurt myself. Just a rough day. All of the therapist agree that I should not try to return to work anytime soon. So, we still have a ways to go.

Today's blog

Today, I met my counselor. He actually is more of a behavioral therapist. He said we need to meet weekly so my next appointment is Monday at 10am. I am to bring a digitial recorder as this will be more like a class than actual therapy. It is designed to help me cope with conversion disorder and how to react to the situations that trigger episodes. After the session I had occupational therapy. It was a functional session not just a work out. He said I did pretty well but my balance is still off especially in the front. I was able to reach to the sides with little difficulty but the front is still an issue which means I am still a fall risk. I did not have physical therapy but need to go through a functional session tomorrow with that. Hopefully it will be a morning session. The nurse is also coming tomorrow and I do know they are thinking about changing my medications. They feel eventually I will be able to get my balance issues under control but the tremors are another story. Since they are not sure what triggers them they don't fully know how to treat them. So, that is going to be an ongoing process. I meet with my primary doctor Friday to go through the notes and see where we go from here. Tomorrow will be challenging but everyday is challenging. Getting around the house is pretty good but getting out is another story. so, we have to figure out a way for me to deal with the public and stressfull situations. Still, God is in control and our family continues to appreciate all the prayers and concern.

Today, I saw the ENT who also said what I have is a neurological condition. He wants to follow up with me in 4 months. The good news is my hearing loss is about the same and has not changed but he wants to monitor for any changes which is why I am to come back in 4 months. Speech Therapy also went well but the key is starting off slowly. I tend to get flustered and excited which starts the fluency issues. So, I have been given some relaxing techniques in the hopes it will calm me so that I can carry on a more fluent conversation. I did have a tremor at the doctor's office but it calmed down and I had one when we went out to eat but it was minor. I think at this point the tremors and getting my strength back are the most important things. Right now, I just feel so tired.

Tomorrow, I meet with the counselor and will see what he has to say. I have decided to seek legal advice regarding all the issues I have been through so we will see where that goes. Emily continues to be the rock that holds the family togetherand we continue to move forward as a unit led by a merciful God and by friends.

I especially want to thank our pastor's wife for taking me today. It was greatly appreciated.

Today was a pretty good day. I had a great work out with physical therapy and my blood pressure was 110 over 70!! I did all my exercises and even though I got tired I made it through. This is going to be a very busy week with several doctor's appointments and therapy. I meet with my family doctor Friday and we will chart where we go from here. One thing I refuse to do is rush things. I want to be back to where I can work and produce for my family and be the man they all deserve. I have to admit that I am worried about Cottia. I know she is scared and worried about her dad. But, I am determined to be her dad and to be the best dad I can be for both her and Eva even if I don't get any further than I already have. Still, when you look at where I was compared to where I am now it is like night and day. God is in control and I trust him and his plan to the end.

Today was a pretty good day! I had great Physical Therapy and my blood pressure was outstanding. In fact it was probably the best day I have had. My therapist told me not to get too excited but she felt I worked very hard. I can say that I feel very tired and weak right now but I am so glad to have a good work out and such great blood pressure. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the ENT and speech therapy. Wednesday is going to be tough with counseling, physical and occupational therapy so I will be worn out Wednesday They are still stumped as to why my toes go numb and I continue to have the pain in the top of the foot. They are not too worried about the swelling in the foot but just say I need to keep an eye on it. I see my family doctor Friday and will probably know more about where we stand and where we go from here. But, the bottom line is slowly but surely I am getting better. I know God has a plan and I trust him to see me through all of this. However, this time, I will not rush it, I will wait on his timing.

Easter blog

Today was a very important day. Our Church hosted our annual Easter egg hunt and lunch. then, our family had our annual get together to celebrate the risen Lord and Savior. I wanted to go to both but expected it to be hard. I had occupational therapy this morning and I had taken a shower so I was already tired but still wanted to go. Emily took the girls to Church then came back for me after therapy was done. I knew I was already weak but still managed to get to see my girls hunt for the eggs. I got extremely whobbly (sp) when I entered the Churcch but I think it was due to all the excitement. Some friends brought me a chair and I was able to sit down and gain my composure. The girls had a good time which was the most important thing. I do think they are beginning to accept things as they are which is good but I still hope and believe things are going to continue to improve. After Church we went to my cousin's house. It was good to see everyone. I was excited and had some tremors but my aunt had some xanax (sp) which calmed me down and I gained my composure. Once again the most important thing was the girls had a good time. I felt weaker than normal but again I had a lot going on the past few days with the trip back from Virginia and therapy so I think it was to be expected. I plan to attend Church tomorrow but have to keep calm. I just don't like folks seeing me tremor. Everyone is so wonderful and understanding and it is a pride thing for me but I just really want to sit and enjoy worshiping the risen Savior with my Church family. We will see how the day goes. Emily has prepared a wonderful Easter meal for us after Church so we will celebrate as a family as well. I know I still have a long road ahead of me but God is in control and I do see hie hand working in a mighty way!

So, tomorrow we celebrate the risen Savior and the hope of all mankind. Thank you Jesus for all you have done for me and how you love me despite myself. Happy Easter everyone!

The last few days have seen the full gambit of good and bad. Two days were not very good at all. The stuttering was bad and I felt weak but I got out of the house and walked for a little while. It amazes me how tired I get from just doing the slightest thing. On the other hand, I have tried walking some without the walker even though I am not supposed to and did ok. I only did that in the house though not outside. I have also learned how important it is for employers to have those push to open door buttons. It is difficult to manage a walker and try to open and keep a door open. So, one lesson iswhenever you see someone with a walker or wheelchair make sure to hold the door open for them or to push the handicapped button to help them. My walks outside have really felt good but I get really worn out from them and my left side continues to go numb. Especially my left foot. I get tingling in the arm and some shooting pains in the calves always on the left side. It is just so frustrating. I continue to hope for a full recovery but I have not seen the counselor or my primary doctor yet so I dont know what to expect. Those appointments are next week. I continue to do my exercises and am ready to get home so I can be in my own environment. I have enjoyed our short stay in Virginia and the family here has certainly treated me very well but there truly is nothing like being home. I'll continue to update as the days go on.

Now it is important to note that I am known for taking long naps but today's was long for even me. I didn't sleep very well last night as I have begun a sinus infection. Breathing is very hard when you only have one nostril to breath through. So, I tried to sleep last night but just could not so I got up and came around to the couch. That worked ok but I still was not able to sleep very well. Emily and her mother took the girls to the park and I went back to bed. I think it was around 11:30 and slept until a little after 5. I am still draining but feel pretty rested. I gave the girls a bath so I feel like I did contribute at least something to their day. On another note, I did have another small tremor when I stood up earlier today. I think I just have to remember that I am supposed to use the walker and that is not an option. I have tried to move around without it some and thought I did pretty good but I have to be smart and do what the therapist have told me so that I dont fall and hurt myself any worse. Time will heal all wounds but it is just frustrating. Still, I am so much better now than I was just a week ago.

I feel like I am getting around better and better. I am even walking some without the walker but I have to take it slow. I had a minor tremor tonight but it passed. they seem to come and go. I find that writing my blog later in the evening is better because I am along with my thoughts. Being alone. That seems to have a whole new meaning after the events of the last few days with the passing of Chandler and the loss of my two aunts home. We are truly never alone. Even if there is no one else in the room God is always watching over us. That should both comfort and scare us. He sees all and knows all. As I am writing this I am watching the movie "The Passion of the Christ." I am reminded of all he endured for me. I believe he willingly went to the cross and allowed himself to be beaten and crucified when he could have called a legion of angels and ended it all right then. Yet, he chose to go forward and die so that we all might live. It is because of this that even though I am weak, I am strong. I am strong through the blood that has set us all free. Life on this earth ends but life itself goes on forever. The only question is where will we spend the life after this one? My heart and love goes out to Dusty, his girls, and entire family and I grieve for them and how their hearts have broken. But, our grief is short lived because Chandler knew her Savior an is alive forever more in his loving arms. That is the great hope of man kind. This simple carpenter from Judea who never harmed another living soul laid down his life so that we can mourn but also celebrate eternal life with the Father.

It is interesting to me how this blog has evolved to much more than my weight loss journey. It has evolved to more about my life in general. I never really expected that. But, I do hope my writings about the issues related to bariatric surgery have been helpful to those who may be considering it. I don't think everyone will go through the issues I have endured but I also think it is important that folks know there are risks associated with this type of surgery. I plan to continue to write about my weight loss but will also continue to write about my life and how things go. So, this is not the end of the weight loss journey but rather the move towards a more open exchange of ideas and events in my life and the life of our family. Yesterday, my wife took me out to eat with our girls. It felt so good just to get out of the house. My cousin and her husband came along with us. I was exhausted once we got back home but just to be out in the sun felt so good. Physical therapy also took me out for a short walk. I made it to our carport which is about 100 feet but I made it. I have to continue to work on my upper body strength and balance as they still consider me a fall risk. I hope we will go out again this evening to eat but that will be up to my wife. It takes a lot to get me out with the walker and all and if we stay home then I am also ok with that. Today was a stressfull day so the stuttering has been very bad but I have taken the valum so hopefully that will settle things down.

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints"

Today may be one of the saddest days I can remember. We woke to the news of the passing of a dear person and the mother of two little girls. She was only 26. I had the pleasure of knowing Chandler for over 12 years now and taught her in Sunday School. She was a loving mother and a gracious person who loved deeply and cared. She always had a smile and a hug for people and her light has gone out too soon. My emotions have been on a roller coaster ride all day. How do you explain this to little ones. Her oldest daughter is only 6 just one year older than Cottia and the baby I believe is 2 the age of Eva. Both girls look like their mother. Dusty will have some very hard days ahead and we as a family will all need to be there for him. His priority now has to be raising those girls and giving them the lives they deserve. Sometimes we just cannot explain why things happen and sometimes we wonder what God has in store during times like this. But, the bottom line is life will go on and his greater plan will be worked out. So, on this day of mouring and sadness we lift Dusty, Adalin, McKenley and the rest of the family up to the Father whose comforting arms know no bounderies. This is a day we won't forget but it is also a day to remind us that life is short and uncertain so make the most of what God has given you and make sure you have give him your soul. Life is eternal even if it lasts for a short time in this earth.

Cottia went to school today but we got the call that she was running a fever so Emily had to bring her home. She slept almost all day which is unheard of for her. She did sweat a lot so hopefully she has broken the fever but school requirments say she has to stay home another day. We hate she has missed so much but she really needs to get better. The good thing is she does not require a lot of maintainence for me. Hopefully she can get some rest tomorrow and get back to school feeling back to 100%. As for me the occupational therapist came today. He said I will need several weeks of home therapy but feels I am doing well. All of the therapist do not want me walking without the walker as I am still a fall risk. The main thing the occupational therapist wants to work on with me is upper body strength and coordination. All of the therapists seem very capable and caring. I feel comfortable with them which helps. I have noticed the stuttering is getting better but there are still times when it is very rough. The key is controling stress. I guess it is a lesson we all need to learn so it can do nothing but help me in life for the rest of my life. I am noticing some tingling in my left foot which they say is a good thing as it means the nerves are waking up. There is some swelling but very little. They did say if the swelling gets bad then I have to call right away. I have also noticed the PVC's seem to be more common lately but I believe that is related to stress as well. So, life goes on and we continue to learn from this time. God is always in control and therefore we trust his will for our lives. The one thing I will say is no matter what being home is the best thing for me. All of the therapist believe I should return to work part time when I do return and that it would be better if I worked from home. I hope that can work towards getting me back home and working. Thank you all again for your continued prayers. I have not written lately about weight loss mainly because I have not been concerned about it. I do know I have not gained any weight at least based on my cloths but I also don't think I have lost any more weight either. Frankly, at this point, I don't care. I am where I am and I am home with my wife and children nothing else really matters to me.

Speech therapist just came out and said she is scheduling me for 9 weeks of therapy. The main obstacle will be dealing with speaking during stressful situations. One thing she did wonder is when I hit my head on March did that affect my speech in some way. But, there is just no way to know for sure. Once we get through the 9 weeks of therapy which will be twice a week we will graduate to once a week as long as needed. Time will tell. Physical therapy is scheduled to come out this afternoon. I am already very tired but want to go through with the therapy. It is my best track to healing. On another note, Cottia is still coughing but she seems better. Emily has taken her to the doctor so we hope to know more soon. I may update again today once the physical therapist leaves.

Both Speech and physical therapy called today and are coming out tomorrow. I know it will be challenging but I also feel it is important to really get this going. I have noticed the stuttering has increased some but I think that probably was to be expected. The key for me is to stay calm. I do feel I am getting around the house pretty well but I use the walker most of the time. I can walk some around the kitchen and bathroom as long as I have something to hold on to. Last night was not a good night. Cottia coughed most of the night and is really congested. I hope she gets better very soon. I woke up with very intense chest pain and had to use my nitro. I have not had to do that since December. The nitro worked and I was able to go back to sleep but I was not up to going to Church this morning. I really wanted to be there but it just was not possible. I spent a good part of the day in bed but not all of it. I did get up this morning and got Eva ready for Church then spent some time with Cottia who stayed home with me. She threw up then was able to take a nap so we both slept. Emily is getting a good and well deserved nap right now so that is good. So, tomorrow will be a very interesting day. I should get some good work and be very tired by the end of the day. That is never a bad thing!

I feel like I am getting around the house a lot better. I still feel very weak and tired and last night I did have some minor tremors but nothing too serious. Emily continues to amaze me with all she has to do. I try to help but sometimes I just feel like I am only half a man. fortunently, we have two young men who are willing to come over and help us.. I have to say thanks to both Jason and Jordan Justice for what they did today. One thing I have learned is humility. It is interesting that I never really considered myself a prideful person but I now know that I have to have help to get things done. There is grass to be cut and weedeating to be done. Today, Jason and Jordan moved the firewood from the porch to the woodshed and they took off our trash. Simple things that I did for us before all of this began. I know I have to be careful not to fall into depression as that is a real possibility especially given my past so the counseling I am going to get is going to be vital to my recovery. I remain committed to recovering but I also remain committed to taking it slow and making sure it is right this time instead of rushing back before I am truly ready. Tomorrow is Sunday and I so want to go to Church. I am nervous and a bit worried about how I will react. But, it is important to me to worship the King. Emily is so supportive and continues to reassure me that people will understand the stuttering and even if I have tremors. A lot of it depends on how Cottia is doing but God willing I will worship and sing praises to the most High. Even if not, I will worship from my home. He has seen me so far and I know he will see me all the way through.

First full day at home by myself. It went pretty well. I did get a little dizzy a time or two but I spent most of the day resting. I did notice the stuttering was a bit more pronounced but I think that was just realizing I am here by myself. Luckily my wife is just down the road and we do have neighbors. I was able to help out with the girls this morning. One of my biggest concerns has been being in the way instead of helping out. I felt I did ok. Just being home and seeing the girls. Right now my disability is approved through April 29th which is my next doctor's appointment. I know already it will be extended because there are a lot of things that have to be addressed. One thing I know is I am not going to rush things this time around. I have to be whole for my wife and children. Another thing I know is I have one excellent manager who cares and has looked out for me like no other. I expect home therapy will come tomorrow so that part of the recovery will begin. I feel like I am getting around the house ok but I just have to take it slow. I am also having PVC's but I had them in the hospital a lot so it must be stress. Still, God is in control and we continue to trust him.

This is the great coming home day! The doctor said I had made wonderful progress but it was the beginning of a long recovery. They have me set to follow up with my primary care giver and to get proper counseling The one thing that keeps sticking out is they are treating me as if I had a stroke. The nurse even said they put me on plavix to "prevent another stroke." So, did I have a stroke or not? I tend to think they just arent sure but are just being cautious. The one thing I have learned through of this is that I will not rush back. I will take the time necessary to get well so that I can be all that my family deserves. I want to thank the hospital and staff at Palmetto healthsouth and Lexington medical center for all they did for us. I have come a long ways and realize there is a lot of work left to do but with my wife and children at my side I will get through this.

Physical, occupational and speech therapy have all gone well. I am stronger and able to do things for myself that just a few weeks ago would not have been possible. My physical therapist wants me to take things slowly and thinks we need to build a ramp for our stairs so I guess we need to look into that. Right now, the plan is to send me home tomorrow where I will begin home therapy. I don't know how long I will be down but one thing I will not do is make the mistake of pushing myself back to work. I will take the time necessary to properly heal and get better. I have had enough of hospitals to last a lifetime. But, I have to say the folks here have been wonderful. The care they have given me is second to none. One thing I can say is HealthSouth is a great place with caring professionals and a place I would recommend to anyone. We will have to make some adjustments to our home but it is not major just a rail for me to climb our few stairs. Hopefully it will not take much but they said it is a good idea even with someone who is completely healthy. So, hopefully we can have this put in and make my movement around the house easier. I can't wait to be back home. To be in my own home with my wife and children and to be able to provide for them in the way they deserve. I know we have to be patient but with all we have been through we know we can survive most anything. So, what lessons have I learned? The biggest is there is no test too big for God and no problem he wont see us through. He truly is a wonderful and loving God even in the midst of the storm.

Another day of therapy. It is going well and I do feel I am getting better every day. My speech is much better but when I get stressed then the stuttering starts again. Right now, the plan remains for me to go home Wednesday but the neuropshychologist still has not been by so I don't know if that will delay things or not. But, I did get some good news. My social worker said that my insurance will pay for home health care until I am able to drive myself for outpatient care. I have not been given any idea as to how long this will all take but I don't plan to rush it. I really want to be sure things are ok before I try to return to work which will be a while. God has truly blessed us through all of this and we give him all the glory. I just can't wait to get home. Emily has cautioned me not to get too excited because they could extend things and I know she is right but I just have to be focused on going home! I am ready to sleep in my own bed next to my beautiful wife and in the same house as my wonderful children. Wednesday cannot get here soon enough for me. One thing I have learned is conversion disorder is a serious yet treatable illness. I wonder how many folks go misdiagnosed because doctors cannot see it through a microscope so they miss it. So, another day of therapy and accomplishment!

There are few things in this world as nice as a picnic in the spring time. So, today, my wife brought the girls and some kfc to visit me and we went outside. The facility I am in has a wonderfuul picnic area. The girls enjoy riding with daddy on thhe wheelchair and they have kind of become mascots for the facility. They always bring a smile to the nursing staff and the other residents. For me, it is like a medicine that cannot be described. I do get tired but it is worth it and I enjoy every second of it. Hopefully we are in the final few days of my stay here and I will be able to go home mid week. But, once again, it was a very good day. Thank you to my wife for thinking of a picnic on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

Today I was allowed a day pass to leave the hospital. What a great day it was. I had PT this morning then Emily, her mom, and the girls came and got me. We went to Lizard Thicket for lunch. I found that I can move fairly well with the walker so that is good news. We then went to Cottia's softball game. They didn't keep score but Cottia hit the ball twice. She didn't run very fast though and was out both times by a hair. After that, I went home. I was never so happy in my life to see my home. I sat in my chair and took a nap. I did find that I can climb the stairs as long as I take it slowly and one step at a time. Then, it was time to come back to the hospital. Emily and I had some alone time to eat and just be together which was nice. Now, I am back at the hospital feeling a bit down but so happy that I had this day with my family. I miss them so much. I know we still have a ways to go but today was a good day.

So, here I sit still in the hospital and wondering how much longer it will be. They have told me they hope to have me home by Wednesday but they are not sure. All I know is with every passing day my heart grows more and more tired wishing I were home with my family. There are issues with my blood pressure but I don't think they are too worried about it. One time it is high the other it is low. Very strange. Physical Therapy is going well and I am able to do more and more everyday. I am encouraged from that point of view. i also have more of an appetite than I have had in a while. I can move my leg and feet some and can even lift it a few inches off the ground. So, that is great news. They still don't know why my left foot goes numb but I guess it is nothing to be too concerned about. My spirits were really down yesterday because of how much I miss my family. But, hopefully it is for only a few more days. I did recieve news that I can take a day pass and leave the facility tomorrow as long as it does not interfer with my physical therapy. I don't know my schedule so right now I am on hold. I just hope my Pt is Sunday so I can leave for at least a few hours tomorrow. I'm not sure how things will go when I go home but I am so ready to get there. Still, when I look around me and see all these other folks in far worse shape then I am, I am blessed and I have to remember that. On another note, I did see a new surgeon to follow up on my bariatric surgery. I have just had enough of the other practice. I was made to feel so welcome and important so I feel it was the right decision. My weight is good so really I am on maintainence. More to come as I continue this journey.