Today is Tuesday and it has been the day of falls. I had therapy this morning and on the way out of the rehab hospital I started to tremble and then fell. I didn't really feel any pain but more frustration than anything else. So, I came home and took my pain medicine and as I was coming in the front door I feel again. So, I am in a lot of pain right now and could not really sleep so I am really tired. But, I will get through it. I will admit to being a bit discouraged and am ready to find out what is causing these falls. One fear I have is breaking the lap band but the tremors are also associated with the falls. They either occur after the fall or before and of course there are plenty of times when I just tremor and don't fall. So, that is about it for right now. I'm tired so I'm not going to make this blog very long. I continue to pray that each of you who reads this is blessed by our God in heaven and that your lives are rich and full of his grace. Take care and have a great evening.

t

Today is Sunday and what a great day of worship and freedom it has been. I actually felt stronger. But, I was also able to take a good nap. I do feel like I am catching a cold and both girls and Emily have one so it was only a matter of time before I would get the cold.
We have been doing 40 days of prayer at our church and I do feel the power of the spirit moving. God is so good..
Our family is dealing with the stroke of my last uncle on my mother's side. He had the stroke this past week and it is massive on the left side. It has affected his speech and he is in a lot of pain. I did also get an update that he is weaker today but we are still hopeful. It is very emotional for me not just because he is my uncle but he also build the house we are living in. I have always said he built this house for us! We ask for your prayers.
Now, for an Eva story. Yesterday, I was listening to some amazing music and one of the singers was a finalist on America's got Talent. She sang Ava Maria and it was just perfect. Eva does not sit still for anything but she was totally still for this and she looked at me and said "She is an angel." Eva then began to sing and I realized that Eva may have a talent I was not aware of. I have never believed in pushing my children towards anything. I want them to discover what they love and what they want to persue. But, I have to wonder if Eva will discover a love of music. It was a special time for me and my little girl.
Now for a Cottia story. Well, today my little girl actually got a ring from her "boyfriend." It was cute but I will admit that old daddy's heart skipped a bit. She is growing up and ther is nothing I can do about it. I still miss those days when I had to get up with her in the middle of the night for bottle feedings and just holding her and loving every minute of it and now those days are gone but not forgotten. I took pictures of Cottia and her ring and when we got in the sanctuary Hunter and Cottia posed for a picture with her little ring. Hunter's family is wonderful and we all like each other. But, the most important thing to me is that Hunter is growing up in the Church and that is so important to me. I'm not saying Hunter is the one but I am saying I am happy if life brings my oldest daughter a man in her life that is already in Church and not one she has to invite to church. That is so important to me. Well, on the way home we were talking and Cottia said Hunter kissed her THREE times today!! I said "He is so in love with you." Her response....."Tell me about it!" I lost it. But, it was another of those moments I won't forget and will treasure in my heart for the rest of my life.
Jason is spending the weekend with us and we always enjoy having him. He and Cottia played kick ball and soccer today while I rested and Eva slept. He truly is like a big brother and I know he loves my girls and our family and frankly I don't know what we would do without him sometimes. I depend on him for so much. He took care of the dogs today and brought up wood for the wood box. But, in return he does get foot and our everlasting love and appreciation.
Now, for a weight update. I am not really able to stay on the scales long enough to get an accurate weight but either my cloths have gotten bigger or I have lost some more weight. So, I choose to believe that I am losing somemore weight. My legs seem to stay cold now especially the left one. There is pain in the calf but mostly cold. But, that is from the PVD so it is just a fact of my life. We continue to move on and I do feel my speech is getting better and I am making progress but I still have a ways to go.
Finally and as always, I pray God's richest blessings on each and everyone of you and that he will pour out his rich blessings on you all. Have a great one!!

t

I'm not going to blog much today because it is late and I am tired. But, I did want to write down that I fell down the stairs this morning. I was a bit light headed for a good part of the day but I did manage to try to sing some and I sang for my wife and kids tonight. I had some vocal tremors and it wasn't perfect by anymeans but it was a start and I really want to sing again. It is amazing how one who has fluency issues or stutters can still sing. But, it is also important to me because it has always been such a big part of who I am. It went well for my little audiance. I also got a call from disability. I had called them twice to let them know about the falls but they had not returned my calls so I sent an emai just to be sure. I just want to be up front about my situation.
The only other thing is I am still struggling with incontinence. It hit tonight again. I do what the doctor says and I still have hard stools but if there is ever a lose one I have very little control over it. So, I am resigned that it will probably be a part of my life for the rest of my life unless God just decides to interceed. I will probably call the doctor again just to make sure there is nothing else they can do. Well, that is about it. I hope you all have a great day and pray God blesses you in a special way. He sure did me today by simply allowing me to sing even if it was a short song and even though I was hoarse after. I still did it and refuse to give up. Thanks again and good night.

t

Today was a very good day for me. The lady that keeps the girls had to have to day off due to surgery for her husband. I am happy to report that all went well and he is doing well. Also, we had another friend who had cancer surgery and he is also doing well. So, I was responsible for the girls. Eva was so cute this morning before I took her to school. I am fortunent enough to have some special people that have given me their phone numbers so they come out and get Eva and bring her out for me so I don't have to get out of the truck. So, after feeding her oatmeal for breakfast we sat down and watched some educational TV before taking her to school at the Church. Then, I went to counseling and one thing I have noticed and my counselor has noticed and even my speech therapist noticed is that I don't breath! It is like I start and just cant stop enough to even take a breath. I guess I have so much to get out that I forget to breath. Maybe that is what is causing the falls. Who knows. Anyway, the session went well and then I came back to the church to get Eva then we went through the drive through at Subway to get lunch and came home. We watched somemore educational TV then it was time to go get Cottia. I was already worn out but we brought Cottia home where she did her homework and had some pizza to eat. I put Eva down for a nap and left Cottia to watch TV while I laid down to take a nap. I did get some rest and then it was time for the girls to go to Awana's. Emily always takes them and they seem to have had a fun time. So, I learned today that I am still very weak and get tired at the least thing. I also learned how much it means to say the right thing to my girls. This morning I told Eva just how beautiful she was. Her response was I KNOW!! It was one of those moments when you laugh but you also treasure for the rest of your life. I also have to learn how to breath and I am still prone to falls. I got dizzy this evening but I made it and am glad I had this day with my girls. They are also so special in how they worry about me and that I may fall. So, that was the day. My right foot is in a lot of pain and the bruising is worse. The knee ligament strain also hurts but the left leg is also weak but stable. I am just ready to go to Charleston and hopefully get some answers. In the mean time I am just going to trust God and do the best that I can. The other thing I know is that I will continue to fight for each day with all I have and hope that the day will come soon when I am back to full strength and the laugh that so many people have said they miss will be back. As I always do I end this blog wishing you all the very best and pray God's blessings on you all. Have a great day tomorrow and evening tonight.

t

Today is Monday and I started the day as normal. Got up and got the girls going. Cottia was a little slow compared to how she usually is but I think she was just tired from a busy weekend and I know how much she worries about me. As the morning went on I noticed some swelling in my right knee and the pain was beginning to increase. But, I needed to pick Eva up from pre-school so I went and got her. The teacher was good enough to bring her out so I didn't have to get out of the truck. We were meeting Ms June for lunch to see if she thought she could fix my Carolina Blazer from where it was torn when I fell Wednesday. Ms. June did feel she could fix it and Maw Maw called so I took Eva over to their house. I will admit that I was worried that I might fall with her alone and that would not be good. So, I went on to the urgent care and they took a look at my knee and I have a strained or torn ligament in my right knee. There is some swelling under the knee cap and it will just have to heal. So, another day another story. I am home and waiting on my wife and girls to get home. One thing I am learning is how to work through the pain. I have decided to go to therapy tomorrow no matter what and just work through the pain. The doctor did say I could go to therapy so that is good.
Well, that is about it. I'm sure there will be stories of the evening once the girls get home. Eva is so cute. She holds onto my walker and walks in front of me she says to make sure I don't fall. Cottia just holds my hand and loves on me. She actually has become a pretty good back rubber! Once again, I pray God will richly bless each of you and pour his grace out on you.

t

It has certainly been an interesting week. This is the first time that I remember falling twice. Once was Wednesday when I went to counseling. I know what happened in that case and there was no real damage. I did go to the urgent care but just some pain and soreness was all I suffered. I did have some tremors and they continue to disturb me as to exactly why and what causes them.
Then, today after Church, on the way out I fell down the handicapped ramp. I've been down that ramp many times and have had no trouble so I am not sure why it happened. At first I didn't think I had hurt myself very badly. But, my body feels pain later than normal. Right now, I am in a lot of pain. My chest really hurts and I do have some scrapes on the left elbow. I also have a headache but I think that is because of the tremors. They were far worse today than Wednesday. But, I also think that was because so many people saw the fall and that the sermon really touched me. I know I hold bitterness about certain issues that I have to let go of and to forgive which is usually not a problem for me but right now they are. So, I have to find a way to just let all of this go and who knows but maybe it will help towards healing and wholeness. I was helped by some tremendous people who got me in a chair and put blankets over me to keep me warm and even followed us home to make sure I got in until I could settle down. I was exhausted but I can only imagine how Emily and my girls must have felt. I know Eva was crying but she was also very caring and concerned. Cottia was her usual stalwart self and helped with my walker and both my girls have already seen too much for children their ages. My wife was also a rock and made sure I was comfortable. Right now it is the evening and my wrists hurt from where I tried to stop the fall but I don't think anything is broken. Probably some sprains but no breaks. So, another week but this time a little more dramatic.
Now, some fun stuff. Thursday morning Eva was harder than usual to get up. I think it was because she got to bed later than she is used too on Wednesday due to Awana's at the Church. So, when it got close to her bed time she grabbed my little finger and led me down the hall and said Daddy, I have to go to bed. I need my rest! I laughed but gladly put her in her crib. She knows to crawl up the side and I just help her get over. Then, I cover her up and we blow kisses. I must admit, she slept like a log. Friday, Cottia told me she needed an IPAD. I would not have any idea how to use one but she said she needed one so she could text her boyfriend about their dates!! But, at least she said she would need it when she was 18! My girls bring such great joy to my life that the fall are nothing compared to the joy they bring. My wife is a tower of strength and hope despite it all. She keeps going and I could do nothing without her.
Well, that is about it. Some laughter and some despair. But, that is life. It is as it always is my hope and prayer that God will richly bless your life each and every day with his rich mercy and grace.

t

This past weekend was a great experience. We had Jason the entire weekend and I got to spend some time with each of my girls. Eva told me that I was " a good boy." Cottia was so protective and loving and Emily entered the chili cookoff at Church. She didn't win but she tried and I was so very proud of her.
Last night though was kind of rough for me though. The toilet backed up and I had to bend over and try to plunge then use one of those things that goes down the toilet, You twist it and it cleans out the toilet. The pain in my lower back and legs was the worst I have had that I can remember. But, I got up this morning and took Cottia to school. I hate dropping her off but enjoy the ride with her. She is so beautiful and special in my eyes. I know every parent feels that way about their children but I really think there are great things in store for this little girl.
After I dropped her off, I realized just how much pain I was in but we needed somethings from Walmart so I went and rode the little buggie and picked up the things then got gas and came back home I took some pain medicine and have been watching tv every since. The pain is still there and my legs feel awefully weak but I'll survive, I always do.
Well, that really is about it. My very being longs for all of this to be over and to be normal again but right now my life is what it is and I just keep plugging along. I hope you all have a great day and that God blesses you in a special way. I'm going to bed and then when I wake up will shower which will take it out of me even more but then my girls and wife will come home and the house will be as it should be full of life and excitement. So, again, have a great day.
t

Today was a great day! I had the honor of spending most all of it with Eva and Jason. We took Eva to my mom's and Jason tried to fish but he could only stand the wind for a few minutes. Eva really seemed to have a good time. Mom got tired and needed to go to bed so we took Eva to the McDonald's where they have an indoor playground. We ate lunch there then came back home. My left leg really hurt and I was very tired but Jason was invaluable. I put Eva down for a nap but I'm not sure she even fell asleep. I had to take my medicine so I was pretty much out of it.
Emily had to take Cottia to the eye doctor because we are a bit concerned but the doctor said she does not need glasses right now which is good.
I slept for a little more than two hours but the pain in the left leg is still there. The medicine did help but it still hurts. I think the best way to describe it is it feels like a cramp only all the time. Sometimes it feels like it is on the verge of a cramp and then other times it feels like it is a full blown cramp. But, I've gotten through it and will continue to do so.
Well, that really is about it. I continue to have tremors and have no answers but God is in control and I pray he richly blesses everyone who reads this and pours out his love and grace in your life.

The last two days have certainly brought new challenges and joy. On Tuesday night I fell again in the kitchen but didn't feel pain initially. Then Wednesday morning I stumbled but didn't fall. I managed to stop the fall which was a good thing. I had counseling on Wednesday so I went there instead of the doctor. I kind of have learned when it is a sprain and there really isn't very much they can do other than pain killers. Then, today was physical therapy which went pretty well. I did have some tremors during the therapy but I think I was just tired because I didn't sleep very well last night.
My girls continue to bring great joy and laughter to my life and Cottia is doing pretty well at school. Eva seems to be a little under the weather again but I wonder if she has allergies. I'm just not sure. But, of course the weather is not helping.
The pain in my left leg is really bad tonight and was rough during the workout this morning but that is just a part of the disease and I just have to live with it.
Jason went to Ft Jackson for MEPS and he is healthy enough to get into the military but has to pass his ASVAB test so we are going to get him some study materials and allow him to come over and use my computer to study so he can pass and get in. It is hard to think of him leaving but it is the best thing for his life and that is what we all want. We are so very proud of him and all his efforts to better his life.
Well, that is about it. I'll admit I'm tired but that is just the way it goes. I guess the most frustrating thing for me is why am I falling even when using a walker. I never seem to have any warning the falls just occur but I'll get through them.
This Saturday, I am looking forward to spending the day with Eva. It will certainly be a challenge but I feel this is very important. I think it is important that each girl be given a day alone with a parent on an individual basis and I think this will be a fun day. I just enjoy the smile of all my children and it seems to give me energy and motivation to keep going.
So, I pray God's blessings on you all and that he will spill out great joy in your lives.
Oh, one more thing! I cannot weigh due to the tremors but the cloths that Emily bought for me last year when I had lost all the weight still fit!! I was thrilled because I was worried that I may have been gaining weight and I may have gained some but it is not enough to cause me not to be able to get into my new cloths which is a great feeling!!

Today has certainly been a day of ups and a little frustration. First, I went to therapy but they did not have me on the schedule. Apparently there had been a mix up so we worked it out that I will go Thursday and Friday. Well, I didn't realize that I had an eye appointment Friday so I called the eye doctor's office and they have moved me to Monday so I will be able to keep all the appointments which is good.
Jason went to Fort Jackson today to take his MEPS. I must admit, I am really going to miss that kid when he goes but it is time for he to discover the man God wants him to be and Emily and I are fully behind him. He is like a son to me and I just want what is best for him and I truly think this is the best thing for him.
We actually have two praises tonight. One is that putting on cloths is still a challenge for me but I tried on some cloths that Emily bought for me last summer after I had initially lost so much weight. IT FIT AGAIN!! The other was Cottia had two library books that we could not find. We searched everywhere in the house and no sign of them. So, Cottia started praying and has been praying for at lea...st a week that God would reveal to us where those books were so we would not have to pay for them. Well, tonight we found them!! Both books. So, that is one less expense we have to worry about and Cottia immediately through the encouragement of her mother gave God thanks and glory for showing us where those books were!! God is so good even in the smallest of things. Who would have thought that two books being found could bring such joy and peace in a home.

Today is kind of a day off. I don't have therapy or counseling so I kind of get to do nothing but rest and my exercises for PT. But, this morning was a little different. There was a bomb threat at the Freshmen academy and the high school here in Swansea so I spent a great part of the morning worrying about my wife and what my child who is in the elementary school. I guess I just kept thinking to myself what kind of sick person would pull a prank like this. If you think this is cute then you are really crazy and the stress it puts on parents and kids is just not cute or even funny in the least. But, my wife did her job and the police and sherriff's department did as well and school resumed around 10:45 or so. From what I understand it was a pretty normal day other than that. It is very sad that there are people out there that would pull a prank like this or even worse that there are people that might go through with it.
I had some very intense chest pains as the morning developed and I am sure it was out of worry and frustration but honestly I don't think it was the bomb threat as much as it was the way the parents reacted. I understand the frustration and worry but there comes a point where we have to trust the people that we have put in charge that they are going to do the right thing and look out for our children and not put them in harms way. So, I ended up having to take my nitro today and the pains went away.
When the kids came home it was the usual with two little girls running around and laughing and just enjoying life. They make me life so wonderful. Emily was calm and relaxed and so life goes on.
I helped Cottia with her reading and Eva and I played a little with her dolls. She is my doll girl and Cottia is a little more out doors type. It is so interesting to me how different they are. Cottia is so cute with her teeth falling out and seeing her cute smile at this age is just priceless. My children keep me going.
Well, that is about it for another Monday. The chest pains are gone now and I feel pretty relaxed and I'm watching the national championship game. Well, tomorrow is Physical therapy and Wednesday is counseling and then physical therapy again on Thursday. So, the rest of the week is going to be pretty busy and I am glad because I know it helps keep me from getting depressed. I pray God's blessings on each of you and that his perfect will would be done in your lives.

t

Well, it's been a while since I've blogged. But, I felt the need to do so today. First for the bad news. This week I have fallen 4 times. I have a sprained left foot and a sprained right ankle. I didn't go to the doctor the two other falls but I think I have sprained both my wrists because of trying to brace for the fall. But, pain is such a part of my life now that I am just getting used to it. I did have physical therapy Thursday and it went well but we had to take it easy.
Now for the good news. I have been discharged from speech therapy for 3 months. Dr Henri said she felt it was good to take a break and that if I need to come back I can at anytime. And we will see each other when I come in for PT. My fluency is not perfect but she has given me the tools to continue to work on that can help and my hope is that I will regain all my speech abilities in the three months and not need anymore speech therapy. But, I do still struggle with speech and she did say that I am not yet ready for a call center environment so my disability is not affected plus I continue to fall and that puts myself and others at risk so I am still considered disabled.

Now for more good news. Today was one of those special days. I got to go fishing with Cottia and Jason and a good friend came with us and brough his 4 year old son. We didn't catch many fish but it was just nice to be out and to sit in the chair around that beautiful pond and just relax. Plus I had two of my children with me. I loved every minute of it. I also told Jason that I want him to sit with us tomorrow in Church as a part of our family not by himself. He is joining the army and I just want to enjoy as much time as I can with him and I know it will be hard on the girls but it is the best for him and we have to let him go. He will come back as a man and will have a future and I think that is the best possible outcome for him. I am very proud of him.


Cottia has lost so many teeth now that the tooth fairy is going broke!! She is so cute with her toothless mouth and her cute smile. She enjoys fishing and she caught the biggest fish today and really had a good time. I also enjoyed all the time with her.

Next weekend I plan to spend time with Eva just me and her. I love my girls and our adopted boy so much that my heart is full of joy and pride with each of them.

Emily continues to be the main worker in the family and she is such a remarkable person for all she does. Mother, Wife, and friend.

Well, that is about it. Life goes on and I continue to pray God's blessings on each of you and that his will would be done in each of your lives.

t