Today I had a lot of pain and some chest pains but the chest pains have subsided. The pain in my lower legs are still there. But, I have been trying to use them more than just sitting so hopefully that is all that it is. I spent the morning with my oldest daughter. She is so easy to take care of and I treasure those moments with her. My youngest daughter is just a different child. She is a handful but I have learned when I have her if we put in a DVD she will watch it and is pretty easy to care for. The girls are continuing swimming lessons which my wife takes them to but I just feel it is so important. I have lost two uncles to drowning and I want them to have every defense possible in case the unthinkable happens. Cottia put her arms around me today and said "I love you daddy." She has said before that I am the greatest daddy ever and somehow she just knows what to say and when to say it. I think she knows that I am discouraged and worried about my future. The more I research the more I believe this is Parkinson's or some form of it which means there is no cure but there are medicines that can help and make my life better. I guess we will find out. It is amazing how alone I can feel at times even though my family and friends are great and caring there is just no way to describe how it feels not to be able to get in the pool and have an afternoon swim with my children and wife. Or how it feels to know that there are those that doubt me and even accuse me of faking. Or to know that my own company has investigated my claim and I still don't know what their findings are or what their plans are for me. Will they be willing to work with me like they have others or am I just too much of a risk and they are just waiting for the disability to be over and that is it. All of this adds to more stress which is obviously not good.

I did take a nap this afternoon because I was so tired and when I heard Emily in the bathroom I had anothe tremor. Compared to others it was not too bad but none the less it was pretty much a full body tremor. I know it has made me tired but I am determined to try to push my body as much as I can in the hopes of making it back to work. But, it truly is in God's hands.

On another note, my aunt that I love dearly has Mercer so I would ask for prayer for her. She is in a lot of pain and it is a rough time for her daughter and son so please keep them in your prayers.

Tomorrow is therapy and I know I will be worn out but that is a good thing and it means I am working out. I like all of my therapists and look forward to seeing them twice a week. But, I wonder what will happen if things don't work out and I don't return to work. How will that affect my therapy under Emily's insurance? I just don't know but I think we need to find out.

So, life moves on and my emotions are a roller coaster of joy and frustration but I keep trying and hoping for the best. One thing I will say is I do think the fluency issue is getting better. But, I still have a ways to go. I do know my doctor of speech therapy has me down for therapy through Sept. So, I have my work cut out for me and really most of my return to work depends on Colonial and Unum and what they decide as to how they will work with me.