Well, it is late at night and I am just realizing I didn't blog today. I can't sleep so I guess I'll work on a blog now. I have had a lot of things on my mind lately and I guess that is why I am having a sleepless night despite my medication. I need the rest though. Today was therapy day and I had a good day of therapy but am in some pain even now from the workout but at least I am getting out and making my therapy sessions. I have a long ways to go but I fully intend to continue the journey. The girls including Emily are all fast asleep and I hope they rest well. Tonight is the first high school football game and I want to go but will admit I am afraid to go. We are supposed to meet some friends for supper before the game and I don't even want to do that. Not that I don't want to see them in fact I would love to see them but I know I would need to participate in the conversation and it just wears me out so much. Plus it is at the restaurant where I fell last Sunday and I am concerned about going. Because I still suffer some incontinence issues that also is a concern and a daily battle for me. But, I don't want to leave Emily alone with the girls at supper either and that is what is keeping me up. Wow, I really don't handle stress very well right now do I. If I tried to go to the ball game there is always the risk of falling and a tremor hitting if I get too excited. I still think the best thing is for me to just stay home with Eva and allow Emily and Cottia to go and enjoy themselves. But, it is hard not to go. I hope and pull for our team so much but it is probably better all around for everyone if I just stay away. I just don't know about the supper thing. I feel bad not going but would rather just stay home and have a simple dinner on my own. Then, Emily can bring Eva home and go to the game after she is put to bed. Anyway, I hope our team wins and has a great season but I think it is best if I cheer from home and hope for the best.

I also cannot get past this investigator and the way he handled things. Then, throw in when I returned to work in March still suffering from incontinence issues and had the accident but was not told where the bathrooms were and spent most of the day in the bathroom once I found out where it was and I begin to wonder if that may not have triggered the breakdown. There really are times I have to count my blessings because I sometimes think my life really sucks. When I went to work that day in March they were aware of my incontinence issues yet no one met me and no one told me where the rest room was. The closest one only had one stall and when I needed it, it was occupied. By the time I found one it was too late. I remember calling my wife crying out of embarrassment from what had happened and then two days later I had the breakdown. Had I been told where the bathroom was perhaps I would still be at work. I had tried to go back only to have this happen. It really does make me wonder and what do I do about it? So many questions, I guess it makes sense that I am having a sleepless night. I had even called HR to ask to be put up to work from home but they said no. They never told me why but they had set others up to work from home and to accommadate them after incidents. One was after a car accident and others were just employees. So many questions still left unanswered. I guess giving things over to God is not one of my strong suits! But, I have to wonder if I was accommadated the way I should have been when they knew of the incontinence issue and did that trigger the breakdown. So many questions. But, I do need to get some rest even if I don't fall asleep so I think I will close this edition of the blog and wish everyone a good night.