What do I say about today. I had my counseling session which was a blessing as it always is. I also got the news that long term disability has been approved and can last for up to 2 years. I still hope I am able to get back to work in some form but it is also time to start the process for SSI. We still have to decide on cobra or going under Emily now or at the first of the year. I received the official letter from Colonial and the only problem I have is the investigator said I withheld information which simply is not true. I was as honest as I could be with this man. We allowed him in our home and tried to have someone here but he made sure it was just him and me so there really is no way to prove anything other than people that know me including my fellow employees and some who are pretty high up that know the person I am and also know I would never deceive anyone. Now, did I get confused? I don't know but I do know that to the best of my ability I answered all his questions and was honest and friendly and did the best I could. Now, in a way, I feel sorry for him because I just could not make a living where misleading is a part of the job. I guess in a way I feel sorry to him but now it is time to put that behind me. I am ready to move on. I can concentrate on getting better and the stress of a deadline is now gone and even though our lives are changed we as a family can move on. I am tired and in a lot of pain but life still goes on and I have to live with what has happened. I did sell the insurance products even though I did not know it was a company violation and it took being terminated to get it in writing but I did not withhold anything from the investigator.

I am grateful for the 8 years I had with Colonial and the friendships I made. I love them all and harbor no ill feelings. My counselor said it is ok to mourn like Dr Henri said and to learn to dream new dreams and to set new goals which right now is to get better and healthy so I can move on. Like I said in previous blogs, I still have my family and we still have our house and our love and faith and nobody can take that from us. God has a plan and something out there for me. I'm not giving up and while Satan is in full attack mode he has not beaten me because I have the truth and the God of the ages on my side. I hope you all have a great weekend.