Today was one of the best counseling sessions I have ever had. I am beginning to really feel free to open up and discuss some very personal matters. One thing I know is that I need to cry. It is ironic that I am a person that can cry but really letting it out and crying out built up emotions has never been easy for me every since I was a very young boy. I just need to find that trigger that will allow me to release so much of the hurt and emotions that have taken a lifetime to build up. I can't say enough about my counselor. Her warmth and care just make me feel at ease and that makes all the difference.

I continue to be in pain pretty much all day. Even when I take the pain medicine it does not go away. It wakes me in the night and is constant. It is from my lower back all the way down my left leg. Today my left arm fell asleep again for no reason so I will address that with my cardiologist tomorrow.

So, I talked about a lot of things today which is one of the major steps in healing. But, I also know there is a lot more to deal with so today was the beginning of the beginning of the beginning. It is going to be a long journey but I am now ready to truly face the ghosts of the past and put them to rest so I can enjoy the rest of my life. I don't expect it to be easy but I do expect it to be fruitfull.

My favorite part of my sessions with my counselor is the end when we pray together. I feel that special connection coming together as one in Christ.

I am going to continue to struggle to adjust to my physical limitations but it does not mean I won't have a full and rich life. God fills my life. He has given me my girls which fulfill my life and bring me great joy and he has blessed me with my wife and our home. Whatever it takes to make me whole again is worth going through. May his will be done. The physical limitations are teaching me patience. One thing the therapists all have said is for me to take it slow and learn to slow down that will help keep me from falling and helps me with my speech so that is one lesson God is teaching me through all of this and it is not an easy one to learn.