Today, I thought I was doing something to help out but apparently I was not. I tried to do the girls laundry but I did not know about separating them so Emily still had to separate them. I feel so useless right now. I just want to help and even walking is becoming more and more of a chore. I try to walk some without the walker and that is a mistake but I just don't want this to be my life anymore. Yes, today is a pity party. I am doing the laundry and the original load is now in the drier. The load that ended up in the sink is now being washed. Hopefully I got it right. My back is in so much pain that I don't know if I can stand it so I went ahead and took the pain medicine. I usually try to wait till around lunch time because I know it is going to knock me out but at this point any help is needed. The guy I thought was going to be checking on my dogs apparently has not been doing so, so I had to go out this morning and feed and water them. At least I did that before Emily and the girls left just in case something happened. My chest hurt so bad last night that I took the nitro and it did help but the pains are back this morning. Sometimes I honestly feel it would be better for everyone if God just went ahead and took me home. At least that way Emily and the girls would not be burdened with a half a man instead of the man they deserve. I'm just so tired right now. I am going to try to listen to some music and relax and hope this day just passes by. If anyone reads this don't worry. I'm not suicidal just pathetic.

I do have a doctor's appointment with Dr. Westercam Thursday and counseling Friday so that should help. I want to go over with Dr Westerkam why am I weaker and feel more tired and why the tingling in my feet and legs and why my BP is so faint in my left arm but strong in my right. These are all symptoms of something and I hope he has some answers. I am also trying for another neurologist to see if there are any other answers out there or if we simply have to accept that we may never know what is wrong with me.

So, thus concludes today's pity party. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.