When I started blogging about this adventure I promised that I would be honest and reveal everything that happens. Today, however, brought something that I never thought would happen to me. At least not until I was much later in life. But, I also never thought I would have a pacemaker at 47 years of age. I just feel so helpless and that no one can really understand what I am going through. Today, for the first time in my life, I lost complete control of my bowel movements. The first time I was home and tried to make it to the bathroom but I didn't. I had a lot to clean up but you do what you have to. I called the doctor's office and they said it is a result of the botox and will clear up "in a few weeks." What does that mean? How long is a few weeks? So many questions. I brought a meal to a friend tonight who had surgery today and while I was there it happened again. I was so embarrassed but they were very considerate and I showered and cleaned myself up. I was given a pair of sweat pants to get me home and now I am here wondering if it will happen again. My wife wonders if I may just have a virus and that is what has caused this. I suppose that is possible but I don't feel like I have a virus. I guess we will just have to see how this latest chapter plays out. Do I go out in public? Do I need depends? Where is this going? I just wish I could crawl up in a ball and roll away. What about my children. How is it going to be for them with a father who cannot control himself? I pray to God on high that this is only a passing issue and will clear up very soon. And what about work? I certainly can't go to work craping on myself! If I had known all of this was going to happen I would not have had the surgery back in August. I know it is a string of things but it all gets back to the band surgery and I do feel that the surgery center has not given me the care I deserve. So, I will buy depends and learn to live with it for as long as it takes. I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED! I WILL GET THROUGH THIS! God is in control and I will follow him no matter what happens to me.