Today is Tuesday and it has been the day of falls. I had therapy this morning and on the way out of the rehab hospital I started to tremble and then fell. I didn't really feel any pain but more frustration than anything else. So, I came home and took my pain medicine and as I was coming in the front door I feel again. So, I am in a lot of pain right now and could not really sleep so I am really tired. But, I will get through it. I will admit to being a bit discouraged and am ready to find out what is causing these falls. One fear I have is breaking the lap band but the tremors are also associated with the falls. They either occur after the fall or before and of course there are plenty of times when I just tremor and don't fall. So, that is about it for right now. I'm tired so I'm not going to make this blog very long. I continue to pray that each of you who reads this is blessed by our God in heaven and that your lives are rich and full of his grace. Take care and have a great evening.

t

Today is Sunday and what a great day of worship and freedom it has been. I actually felt stronger. But, I was also able to take a good nap. I do feel like I am catching a cold and both girls and Emily have one so it was only a matter of time before I would get the cold.
We have been doing 40 days of prayer at our church and I do feel the power of the spirit moving. God is so good..
Our family is dealing with the stroke of my last uncle on my mother's side. He had the stroke this past week and it is massive on the left side. It has affected his speech and he is in a lot of pain. I did also get an update that he is weaker today but we are still hopeful. It is very emotional for me not just because he is my uncle but he also build the house we are living in. I have always said he built this house for us! We ask for your prayers.
Now, for an Eva story. Yesterday, I was listening to some amazing music and one of the singers was a finalist on America's got Talent. She sang Ava Maria and it was just perfect. Eva does not sit still for anything but she was totally still for this and she looked at me and said "She is an angel." Eva then began to sing and I realized that Eva may have a talent I was not aware of. I have never believed in pushing my children towards anything. I want them to discover what they love and what they want to persue. But, I have to wonder if Eva will discover a love of music. It was a special time for me and my little girl.
Now for a Cottia story. Well, today my little girl actually got a ring from her "boyfriend." It was cute but I will admit that old daddy's heart skipped a bit. She is growing up and ther is nothing I can do about it. I still miss those days when I had to get up with her in the middle of the night for bottle feedings and just holding her and loving every minute of it and now those days are gone but not forgotten. I took pictures of Cottia and her ring and when we got in the sanctuary Hunter and Cottia posed for a picture with her little ring. Hunter's family is wonderful and we all like each other. But, the most important thing to me is that Hunter is growing up in the Church and that is so important to me. I'm not saying Hunter is the one but I am saying I am happy if life brings my oldest daughter a man in her life that is already in Church and not one she has to invite to church. That is so important to me. Well, on the way home we were talking and Cottia said Hunter kissed her THREE times today!! I said "He is so in love with you." Her response....."Tell me about it!" I lost it. But, it was another of those moments I won't forget and will treasure in my heart for the rest of my life.
Jason is spending the weekend with us and we always enjoy having him. He and Cottia played kick ball and soccer today while I rested and Eva slept. He truly is like a big brother and I know he loves my girls and our family and frankly I don't know what we would do without him sometimes. I depend on him for so much. He took care of the dogs today and brought up wood for the wood box. But, in return he does get foot and our everlasting love and appreciation.
Now, for a weight update. I am not really able to stay on the scales long enough to get an accurate weight but either my cloths have gotten bigger or I have lost some more weight. So, I choose to believe that I am losing somemore weight. My legs seem to stay cold now especially the left one. There is pain in the calf but mostly cold. But, that is from the PVD so it is just a fact of my life. We continue to move on and I do feel my speech is getting better and I am making progress but I still have a ways to go.
Finally and as always, I pray God's richest blessings on each and everyone of you and that he will pour out his rich blessings on you all. Have a great one!!

t

I'm not going to blog much today because it is late and I am tired. But, I did want to write down that I fell down the stairs this morning. I was a bit light headed for a good part of the day but I did manage to try to sing some and I sang for my wife and kids tonight. I had some vocal tremors and it wasn't perfect by anymeans but it was a start and I really want to sing again. It is amazing how one who has fluency issues or stutters can still sing. But, it is also important to me because it has always been such a big part of who I am. It went well for my little audiance. I also got a call from disability. I had called them twice to let them know about the falls but they had not returned my calls so I sent an emai just to be sure. I just want to be up front about my situation.
The only other thing is I am still struggling with incontinence. It hit tonight again. I do what the doctor says and I still have hard stools but if there is ever a lose one I have very little control over it. So, I am resigned that it will probably be a part of my life for the rest of my life unless God just decides to interceed. I will probably call the doctor again just to make sure there is nothing else they can do. Well, that is about it. I hope you all have a great day and pray God blesses you in a special way. He sure did me today by simply allowing me to sing even if it was a short song and even though I was hoarse after. I still did it and refuse to give up. Thanks again and good night.

t

Today was a very good day for me. The lady that keeps the girls had to have to day off due to surgery for her husband. I am happy to report that all went well and he is doing well. Also, we had another friend who had cancer surgery and he is also doing well. So, I was responsible for the girls. Eva was so cute this morning before I took her to school. I am fortunent enough to have some special people that have given me their phone numbers so they come out and get Eva and bring her out for me so I don't have to get out of the truck. So, after feeding her oatmeal for breakfast we sat down and watched some educational TV before taking her to school at the Church. Then, I went to counseling and one thing I have noticed and my counselor has noticed and even my speech therapist noticed is that I don't breath! It is like I start and just cant stop enough to even take a breath. I guess I have so much to get out that I forget to breath. Maybe that is what is causing the falls. Who knows. Anyway, the session went well and then I came back to the church to get Eva then we went through the drive through at Subway to get lunch and came home. We watched somemore educational TV then it was time to go get Cottia. I was already worn out but we brought Cottia home where she did her homework and had some pizza to eat. I put Eva down for a nap and left Cottia to watch TV while I laid down to take a nap. I did get some rest and then it was time for the girls to go to Awana's. Emily always takes them and they seem to have had a fun time. So, I learned today that I am still very weak and get tired at the least thing. I also learned how much it means to say the right thing to my girls. This morning I told Eva just how beautiful she was. Her response was I KNOW!! It was one of those moments when you laugh but you also treasure for the rest of your life. I also have to learn how to breath and I am still prone to falls. I got dizzy this evening but I made it and am glad I had this day with my girls. They are also so special in how they worry about me and that I may fall. So, that was the day. My right foot is in a lot of pain and the bruising is worse. The knee ligament strain also hurts but the left leg is also weak but stable. I am just ready to go to Charleston and hopefully get some answers. In the mean time I am just going to trust God and do the best that I can. The other thing I know is that I will continue to fight for each day with all I have and hope that the day will come soon when I am back to full strength and the laugh that so many people have said they miss will be back. As I always do I end this blog wishing you all the very best and pray God's blessings on you all. Have a great day tomorrow and evening tonight.

t

Today is Monday and I started the day as normal. Got up and got the girls going. Cottia was a little slow compared to how she usually is but I think she was just tired from a busy weekend and I know how much she worries about me. As the morning went on I noticed some swelling in my right knee and the pain was beginning to increase. But, I needed to pick Eva up from pre-school so I went and got her. The teacher was good enough to bring her out so I didn't have to get out of the truck. We were meeting Ms June for lunch to see if she thought she could fix my Carolina Blazer from where it was torn when I fell Wednesday. Ms. June did feel she could fix it and Maw Maw called so I took Eva over to their house. I will admit that I was worried that I might fall with her alone and that would not be good. So, I went on to the urgent care and they took a look at my knee and I have a strained or torn ligament in my right knee. There is some swelling under the knee cap and it will just have to heal. So, another day another story. I am home and waiting on my wife and girls to get home. One thing I am learning is how to work through the pain. I have decided to go to therapy tomorrow no matter what and just work through the pain. The doctor did say I could go to therapy so that is good.
Well, that is about it. I'm sure there will be stories of the evening once the girls get home. Eva is so cute. She holds onto my walker and walks in front of me she says to make sure I don't fall. Cottia just holds my hand and loves on me. She actually has become a pretty good back rubber! Once again, I pray God will richly bless each of you and pour his grace out on you.

t

It has certainly been an interesting week. This is the first time that I remember falling twice. Once was Wednesday when I went to counseling. I know what happened in that case and there was no real damage. I did go to the urgent care but just some pain and soreness was all I suffered. I did have some tremors and they continue to disturb me as to exactly why and what causes them.
Then, today after Church, on the way out I fell down the handicapped ramp. I've been down that ramp many times and have had no trouble so I am not sure why it happened. At first I didn't think I had hurt myself very badly. But, my body feels pain later than normal. Right now, I am in a lot of pain. My chest really hurts and I do have some scrapes on the left elbow. I also have a headache but I think that is because of the tremors. They were far worse today than Wednesday. But, I also think that was because so many people saw the fall and that the sermon really touched me. I know I hold bitterness about certain issues that I have to let go of and to forgive which is usually not a problem for me but right now they are. So, I have to find a way to just let all of this go and who knows but maybe it will help towards healing and wholeness. I was helped by some tremendous people who got me in a chair and put blankets over me to keep me warm and even followed us home to make sure I got in until I could settle down. I was exhausted but I can only imagine how Emily and my girls must have felt. I know Eva was crying but she was also very caring and concerned. Cottia was her usual stalwart self and helped with my walker and both my girls have already seen too much for children their ages. My wife was also a rock and made sure I was comfortable. Right now it is the evening and my wrists hurt from where I tried to stop the fall but I don't think anything is broken. Probably some sprains but no breaks. So, another week but this time a little more dramatic.
Now, some fun stuff. Thursday morning Eva was harder than usual to get up. I think it was because she got to bed later than she is used too on Wednesday due to Awana's at the Church. So, when it got close to her bed time she grabbed my little finger and led me down the hall and said Daddy, I have to go to bed. I need my rest! I laughed but gladly put her in her crib. She knows to crawl up the side and I just help her get over. Then, I cover her up and we blow kisses. I must admit, she slept like a log. Friday, Cottia told me she needed an IPAD. I would not have any idea how to use one but she said she needed one so she could text her boyfriend about their dates!! But, at least she said she would need it when she was 18! My girls bring such great joy to my life that the fall are nothing compared to the joy they bring. My wife is a tower of strength and hope despite it all. She keeps going and I could do nothing without her.
Well, that is about it. Some laughter and some despair. But, that is life. It is as it always is my hope and prayer that God will richly bless your life each and every day with his rich mercy and grace.

t

This past weekend was a great experience. We had Jason the entire weekend and I got to spend some time with each of my girls. Eva told me that I was " a good boy." Cottia was so protective and loving and Emily entered the chili cookoff at Church. She didn't win but she tried and I was so very proud of her.
Last night though was kind of rough for me though. The toilet backed up and I had to bend over and try to plunge then use one of those things that goes down the toilet, You twist it and it cleans out the toilet. The pain in my lower back and legs was the worst I have had that I can remember. But, I got up this morning and took Cottia to school. I hate dropping her off but enjoy the ride with her. She is so beautiful and special in my eyes. I know every parent feels that way about their children but I really think there are great things in store for this little girl.
After I dropped her off, I realized just how much pain I was in but we needed somethings from Walmart so I went and rode the little buggie and picked up the things then got gas and came back home I took some pain medicine and have been watching tv every since. The pain is still there and my legs feel awefully weak but I'll survive, I always do.
Well, that really is about it. My very being longs for all of this to be over and to be normal again but right now my life is what it is and I just keep plugging along. I hope you all have a great day and that God blesses you in a special way. I'm going to bed and then when I wake up will shower which will take it out of me even more but then my girls and wife will come home and the house will be as it should be full of life and excitement. So, again, have a great day.
t