Yesterday and today have been kind of rough. The ringing in my ears is really bad and I have a pretty constant headache and ear ache. The PVC's are really acting up and I have been light headed and dizzy but I am determined to continue.

I really haven't done very much since getting back from Charleston. I'm still tired from that trip and am resting a lot. I feel very weak and tired but I do get up and get the girls going. I also try to get Emily her glass of tea before she leaves so she does not have to worry about that.

It is amazing to me how much I miss things I used to be able to do like cutting my grass or even washing our vehicles. But, even taking a shower still takes it out of me.

I have found a lot of comfort in listening to music and it seems to calm me down as well. I love music and it really touches my soul. The one thing that really does worry me is that I may never sing again like I used to do. But, that is in God's hands and I have to trust that his will is perfect.

Well, Cottia has another game this Saturday and she is excited. I am so proud of her not just because of her playing softball but because of the young lady she is becoming.

I also look forward to nights like this when Emily takes her to practice and I get to spend the evening with Eva and even put her to bed. We have a system figured out for her getting into bed and we blow kisses to each other.

Well, that is about it for tonight. I continue to go forward and am hopeful that the treatment at MUSC will be able to help and I can get back to some form of life. The doctor down there told me they may not be able to get me back to the way I once was but they hope to be able to make improvement and get me functioning. I'll do whatever they say with the hope of making improvement.


As always, I pray God's richest blessings on you all and that his grace will flow over your lives and give you peace.

t

We are back from Charleston and I must say I really do feel good about the direction I am heading. It was also nice to go down with Emily last night and spend the night just her and I. We both met with the doctor which was very important because Emily remembers things that I don't and I get confused so easily and she has a way of wording things that helps me to understand. The one thing the doctor said was that we are already ahead of the game because we have accepted the diagnosis and she can see how much I want to get better. The way it will work is My doctor will coordinate care with psychiatry and the neurology department for the best treatment for me. I don't go back until April 17th because of her patient load but after that it will be every other week. She does not want me to drive myself for the first few sessions. So, I will have to have someone take me but eventually they do think I will be able to drive myself down there. She also said that she thinks I may be having some panic attacks but we will address that as we go through treatment. My speech was not good at all today but I think that was because I didn't know what to expect. I also had a lot of PVC's during the session but I think it is due to the realization that I will have to address a lot of things that maybe I didn't want to address. But, one thing she said is that we are really going to have to address a lot of very difficult issues and it will be tough but in order for me to get better we have to do this.

One thing I am glad about is that I will continue to meet with my counselor in Lexington. The way it will work is the week I go to Charleston I will not meet with my counselor here but the week I don't go I will meet with her. This is important to me because of the relationship we have developed and the doctor in Charleston felt that was very important and due to the fact that I have made progress that justifies me continuing with the counselor here.

It was a shame we could not stay in Charleston longer than we did because the weather was so nice. It was just a beautiful day. But, Emily and I ate lunch and then came home. I was emotionally drained and tired so I took a nap while she went and got the girls. It was great to wake up from my nap to those two beautiful faces smiling at me. I am currently rocking Cottia as she winds down to get ready for bed.

Cottia is already looking forward to her next softball game on Saturday. We will see if we get another homerun. Weather she hits one or not does not matter as long as she has fun.

Well, that is about it. I pray God's blessings on you all and that his grace will pour out on you.

t

Last night was not a good night. I woke to very severe neck tremors. I had no control over them and I just had to ride them out. I tried holding my head and even that did not work. Finally they did subside and I got to sleep but I was just work out. When I woke, I was tired and dizzy so I stayed home from Church.

I went back to bed after Emily and the girls had gone to Church. By this time, my chest was hurting again and I had to take the nitro. Finally the chest pain did subside and I was able to get back to sleep.

When I woke, Emily and the girls were back and it was time for Eva's nap. So, Emily was able to get some rest which I felt she really needed so we both napped for several hours.

Now, it is evening and I am once again having the chest pains so I am hoping they will calm down so I don't have to take the nitro again. The headache that comes from it is just off the wall.

Well, we leave tomorrow afternoon to go to Charleston for my assessment at MUSC. I am ready to get started and hope for some great results.

As always, I pray God's blessings on you all and that his grace will follow you throughout your day and night.

t

Well today started off with a bang. I woke with very intense chest pains and sweating very badly. It was about 4:30 if I remember correctly. I started to wake Emily but I wanted her to sleep and if it was a heart attack there was really nothing that could be done. I got up and felt very weak and unstable but I made it to the kitchen and took my nitro spray. It always gives me such a headache but the chest pain did begin to subside and eventually I was able to go back to sleep. When I woke again about 8:30 it was time to start the day. I still felt very weak but I managed a shower and I was determined that I was not going to miss my daughter's first softball game this season.

I still felt weak but I was feeling like I was getting stronger and would be ready to go to the game. So, I made my way to the ball park and am I glad I was able to be there. Cottia was up to bat. It was her first at bat of the season and for the first time in her life she hit a HOMERUN!! I was beyond thrilled. I was able to park my truck just outside the ball park so I saw it all. It was one of the biggest thrills of my life and the look on her face was simply priceless. After the game she went with her mother to a birthday party and I took Eva with me to Burger King for lunch that I had promised her.

I brought Eva back home and we ate lunch and watched some tv then took a nap. Once we woke she watched some more TV and then it was time for bed.

But, what a day it has been. Right now I am having some chest pains but they are not too bad. I guess we will see if it gets back to the way it was last night.

Well, that is about it. On this day my daughter hit a homerun and I enjoyed time with my baby girl and now it is raining. I don't know what the future has or how much of a future I have but on this day I thrilled at the accomplishment of my child and that is enough for now.

I pray God will richly bless you all and give you peace. I pray his mercy and love will follow you all and that his peace will be with you now and ever more.

Have a great night and day in Church tomorrow.

t

Today was such a beautiful day and the weather was so nice so I decided to open all the windows in the house. Luckily our windows are chest high for me so I don't have to bend down or over to open them. It was nice to have the fresh air in.

I felt a little light headed and dizzy throughout the morning but I didn't feel any chest pains or PVC's So I just decided to not worry about it. I got some rest and then the girls got home. Cottia had her homework to do and Eva played with her baby dolls. My mother and her husband came by for a visit which was nice and then Cottia had a scrimmage. I wasn't sure about going but I really wanted to be there. Eva had decided she was going so I went too.

Cottia didn't play much but she did get a bat. She managed to get a foul tip but not on base. But, I don't think it really matters to her. She just wants to be out there and to be with her friends. She seems so happy and really enjoys softball. I was glad to be there and to enjoy the game and my oldest girl as she plays.

After the game was over I went ahead because it takes me a little longer to get to the car given that I have to use the walker. Eva went with me. There is a step off to the parking lot and I fell as I stepped off. I was very embarrassed and felt ashamed that this happened. Eva was upset but luckily Maw Maw and Paw Paw were there so they took her as I began the tremor that always accompanies one of the falls. I also have learned how to fall so I don't hurt myself like I used to. They call it a controled fall. Some gentlemen were good enough to wait with me until I was under contol then Emily backed the van up and I got in. I didn't feel very much pain but I am now beginning to feel it. I know I mainly fell on the left side and that is where the main part of the pain is. I have a headache which I am sure is coming from the tremors and the ringing in my ears are off the scale right now. But, I am home now and sitting in my chair.

I just want to be able to do things with my girls and not to embarrass them or scare them. It hurts so much that I scare them and that they have to worry about their father when they should be living carefree lives. I'm not sure why I continue to go through all this but I know God has a plan.

Well, I want to end on a good note so let me just say that Cottia's team won the scrimmage 3-0 and she was so happy and proud. Eva continues to grow and her hair is so beautiful.

Tomorrow is counseling day and I am looking forward to it and continuing to get better.

So, once again, I pray God's blessings on you all and that he will pour our his grace on your lives. Have a great evening and again, God bless.

t

Yesterday was Sunday and with Emily being sick it fell to me to take the girls and Jason to Church. It was an awesome service but I did notice the vocal tremors were worse than normal. Not sure what is going on with that. I felt tired but nothing out of the ordinary for me. Then, last night, chest pains started again and the ringing in my ear is really getting bad. But, there seems to be very little to nothing they can do about that. I sometimes feel like it is going to drive me crazy.

Today Emily seems better but still not 100% so please be praying for her. Jason is retaking the ASVAB test and the girls went to school. The chest pains continued for me today but right now they have let up some so I am thinking I just had another angina attack. But, I didn't go to the doctor. I'm just tired of throwing money at something that seems to be benign. If it is not, then I guess we will find out soon enough.

Last night Phantom of the Opera was on ETV. Eva sat with me to listen to some of the music. She really loves good music and I really want to help her develop that. Who knows maybe she will be the one in the family that takes music to the next level.

Well, I'm waiting on the family to get home and I love that time with them. As always, I pray God's blessings on you all and that his grace will flow to you like never before.

t

Well, I have to add some to today's blog. The pain has now started to set in. I am feeling PVC's in my heart and my legs especially the left is in a lot of pain. So, I guess I am going to pay the price for a good day. I'll see how the night goes but right now even my vision is a bit fuzzy. Still, today was a wonderful day and while I may pay a price for it tonight, I am thankful for the day I had. So, this an addition to todays blog and still my hope and prayer is that God will richly bless you all.

t