Another day of accomplishment. I lifted my knee and foot but when I tried to walk the tremors took over and I had to be helped. I am having some chest pain tonight but I have also done a lot today. The speech therapist came by and I feel very much that she can and will help. The stuttering is also better. Bottom line is it is just going to take time. One thing I will not do this time is try to go back to work until I know for sure that I am ready. God is working and I do feel all the prayers and concern of everyone. I am learning that my body can function I just have to let it do what God created it to do. My hope is that whoever reads this will learn that people go through all kinds of trials and come out on the other side better and stronger than they were before. God always has a plan. All we have to do is allow him to work his will in our lives.

Another productive day. I am making great progress. I am able to shower and dress myself with supervision. Physical, occupational and speech therapy is going well. The stuttering is getting much better and I actually lifted my left foot about an inch off the floor which is a big accomplishment. I am tired and really miss my little ones but my wife is faithful to come by and see me and I do so look forward to her visits. It is interesting that the most frustrating thing is the ringing in my ears. It just does not go away and it seems to get worse. One thing I have also noticed is my stuttering and tremors are much worse when I am under stress so tomorrow I am starting therapy to deal with stress. I did find out today that they plan to send me home April 6th probably with a walker. After that, I will come for day therapy 3 times a week. We will have to work that out as I am not sure they will let me drive. So, the drama continues. The one thing that is so reassuring is how they treat me here. We are treated with respect and dignity which we greatly appreciate. Of all the things I miss the most the snuggles with my daughters is the worse. I can't wait to get back to being the daddy they deserve. We did get some good news today though my disability has been approved as a new claim so my benefits start over! That is great news! So, once again, we see God in control and how he is taking care of us!

I have now been transferred to a rehab hospital. Today was my first day and it was mostly to evaluate where I am and what they can do to help. I have been asked if I want to go on social security disability but have told them that I want to resume my life as best I can. It is very clear that my left side is weaker than my right but the upper left is stronger than my lower left. I am learning how to adjust but it is hard. The stuttering is much better and I hope it will clear up by the end of the week. I think one of the hardest thing for me to accept is this is all my mind telling my body not to work. So, I have to confince my mind that is can do all it used to do. I also have to wonder what triggered it and if it will happen again. So many questions. The ringing in my ears is really becoming unbearable. I just don't know why they cannot get that cleared up. I am tired and frustrated and just want to go home. But, I know my wife has enough to deal with right now and having half a husband is not an easy thing. I guess I am throwing a pity party tonight but I am just so sick of it all. I'll continue to blog as best I can and while I know it is going to get better I am so ready for all of this to be behind me. I still cling to my faith and family. I am blessed to have such a great support system and when I looked at the others who are here it really made me realize just how lucky I am. I can talk, I can walk, I can think and function on a much better level than most here so I have to focus on that and trust God has a plan and will see me through.

I didn't think I could access this site to update my blog but I found a way around it. Amazing how a little concentration will work. As most of you know I have been in the hospital since Wednesday March 16th. But, in my mind it is still March 14th even though I know it is not because the nurses update the date for me on the little board. It has certainly been a long process but what else is new for me. During my last blog I updated that I had returned to work and the events that had happened. the day this event happened I was actually off work. I woke that morning to PVC's and my left arm going numb. I had a doctor's appointment but needed to stop by the school to drop something off for Emily. All I remember is I walked in the library and fell. I don't think I passed out as I know I was talking. Emily's initial concern is that it might be my heart. I made it to the school office before completely collapsing. I lost the ability to speek and my left side gave out. The last words I spoke clearly was to call the ambulance. When we made it to the hospital they ran all kinds of tests and said I had not had a heart attack or stroke. I was suffering tremors that were so violent they were like epiliptic seizures. I was evaluated by a neurologist who said there was nothing wrong that it was all in my mind. then, I was evaluated by a psychologist who said it was not in my mind but medical. The rollercaster ride was unbelieveable. Finally, we were told I have a rare condition called conversion disroder. I won't get into great detail but you can google. I am trying to type this but my arms get very tired. The only treatment for the disorder is physical, speech, and occupational therapy. Basically, my brain has to learn that my body can do what it used to do. It may take some time but most people do recover. I have been accepted to Palmetto healthsouth and will be moved there tomorrow to begin therapy. I know I am getting stronger every day and my speech is better but the least little thing seems to set off the tremors and sometimes they are very difficult. The make me so tired. the doctor said that is to be expected as it is like a full body work out. I think the hardest part of this diagnosis is that my mind has convinced my body that it does not work. According to the Mayo Clinic the condition and symptoms are real. I hope I won't be in rehab long. I just want to go home but there is the concern that I would fall. Right now I am able to walk with a walker for about 75 ft according to physical therapy here at the hospital. I have to have something to steady my body. My left upper strength is getting better but continues to be weak. My left lower is still also weak. It is just going to take time. God has seen us through so much already and right now all we can do is trust him and his will. I will continue to update as best I can.

Well, today was the first day back. I can't say it went smoothly but at least I was there. They had moved our entire team and I was not even close to a bathroom. The closest one had only one toilet. I had a moment when I needed it and of course it was being used. So, I had to walk all the way across the building. Needless to say I left some residual odor on my way. They did move me to a closer station but I spent a lot of time in the rest room today. I'm exhausted to say the least. Last night Eva decided to through a 3:30am party so I was up with her. Cottia was also worn out. But, the bottom line is I got through it. I just have to take it one day at a time. Maybe I should write a song!! LOL. But, for today, I made it.

I have a solution to our nation's gas crisis. Just let me but my butt up to every car in the country. Trust me there is enough gas to keep us going for years to come. And, the best part of it is it is FREE!! Somebody call Obama! LOL, well, tomorrow is the big day. I head back to work. I have a lot of emotions going right now. I don't feel I am ready but also wonder if I would know if I was ready. It will certainly be an adjustment getting back in the swing of things but God willing I will get through this. I have to get used to going to bed earlier which will also be an adjustment but today I made sure to not take as long a nap as I am used to taking. Hopefully that will help. So, tomorrow truly is the first day of the rest of my life!

On another note, the bleeding continued today from yesterday but I think it is just stress. Emily continues to hobble and I continue to love waiting on her. I may not be the best husband in the world but I do love this woman so much. It will be nice to have her healed and to have the girls over all this sickness and to have daddy back to work. Life as normal what a novel idea!!

Got up this morning for a health exam for some life insurance. Then, spent the morning with the girls until Emily woke. I was able to go back to bed for about a hour and a half. Then, got up and put Eva down for a nap. I took the garbage off and had to buy some more medicine for the girls. When I got home Eva was awake so I decided to take her and Cottia to the park to play. Met some nice folks there with their children but I was bleeding through the rectum pretty bad. Still, we stayed for a while then came home. I picked Jason up so he can spend the night with us and go to Church with us tomorrow. He has become such a part of our lives and I have grown to depend on him more than he knows. Emily continues to heal and I am doing the best I can. The girls are great and other than Cottia being still a little sick they seem to be doing fine.

So, Monday is the day I return to work full time. It is not going to be easy but God willing it will go well. I know I need to get back into it but adjusting my body is going to bge difficult. Pray for Monday as I know how hard it will be.