I feel like I am getting around better and better. I am even walking some without the walker but I have to take it slow. I had a minor tremor tonight but it passed. they seem to come and go. I find that writing my blog later in the evening is better because I am along with my thoughts. Being alone. That seems to have a whole new meaning after the events of the last few days with the passing of Chandler and the loss of my two aunts home. We are truly never alone. Even if there is no one else in the room God is always watching over us. That should both comfort and scare us. He sees all and knows all. As I am writing this I am watching the movie "The Passion of the Christ." I am reminded of all he endured for me. I believe he willingly went to the cross and allowed himself to be beaten and crucified when he could have called a legion of angels and ended it all right then. Yet, he chose to go forward and die so that we all might live. It is because of this that even though I am weak, I am strong. I am strong through the blood that has set us all free. Life on this earth ends but life itself goes on forever. The only question is where will we spend the life after this one? My heart and love goes out to Dusty, his girls, and entire family and I grieve for them and how their hearts have broken. But, our grief is short lived because Chandler knew her Savior an is alive forever more in his loving arms. That is the great hope of man kind. This simple carpenter from Judea who never harmed another living soul laid down his life so that we can mourn but also celebrate eternal life with the Father.

It is interesting to me how this blog has evolved to much more than my weight loss journey. It has evolved to more about my life in general. I never really expected that. But, I do hope my writings about the issues related to bariatric surgery have been helpful to those who may be considering it. I don't think everyone will go through the issues I have endured but I also think it is important that folks know there are risks associated with this type of surgery. I plan to continue to write about my weight loss but will also continue to write about my life and how things go. So, this is not the end of the weight loss journey but rather the move towards a more open exchange of ideas and events in my life and the life of our family. Yesterday, my wife took me out to eat with our girls. It felt so good just to get out of the house. My cousin and her husband came along with us. I was exhausted once we got back home but just to be out in the sun felt so good. Physical therapy also took me out for a short walk. I made it to our carport which is about 100 feet but I made it. I have to continue to work on my upper body strength and balance as they still consider me a fall risk. I hope we will go out again this evening to eat but that will be up to my wife. It takes a lot to get me out with the walker and all and if we stay home then I am also ok with that. Today was a stressfull day so the stuttering has been very bad but I have taken the valum so hopefully that will settle things down.

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints"

Today may be one of the saddest days I can remember. We woke to the news of the passing of a dear person and the mother of two little girls. She was only 26. I had the pleasure of knowing Chandler for over 12 years now and taught her in Sunday School. She was a loving mother and a gracious person who loved deeply and cared. She always had a smile and a hug for people and her light has gone out too soon. My emotions have been on a roller coaster ride all day. How do you explain this to little ones. Her oldest daughter is only 6 just one year older than Cottia and the baby I believe is 2 the age of Eva. Both girls look like their mother. Dusty will have some very hard days ahead and we as a family will all need to be there for him. His priority now has to be raising those girls and giving them the lives they deserve. Sometimes we just cannot explain why things happen and sometimes we wonder what God has in store during times like this. But, the bottom line is life will go on and his greater plan will be worked out. So, on this day of mouring and sadness we lift Dusty, Adalin, McKenley and the rest of the family up to the Father whose comforting arms know no bounderies. This is a day we won't forget but it is also a day to remind us that life is short and uncertain so make the most of what God has given you and make sure you have give him your soul. Life is eternal even if it lasts for a short time in this earth.

Cottia went to school today but we got the call that she was running a fever so Emily had to bring her home. She slept almost all day which is unheard of for her. She did sweat a lot so hopefully she has broken the fever but school requirments say she has to stay home another day. We hate she has missed so much but she really needs to get better. The good thing is she does not require a lot of maintainence for me. Hopefully she can get some rest tomorrow and get back to school feeling back to 100%. As for me the occupational therapist came today. He said I will need several weeks of home therapy but feels I am doing well. All of the therapist do not want me walking without the walker as I am still a fall risk. The main thing the occupational therapist wants to work on with me is upper body strength and coordination. All of the therapists seem very capable and caring. I feel comfortable with them which helps. I have noticed the stuttering is getting better but there are still times when it is very rough. The key is controling stress. I guess it is a lesson we all need to learn so it can do nothing but help me in life for the rest of my life. I am noticing some tingling in my left foot which they say is a good thing as it means the nerves are waking up. There is some swelling but very little. They did say if the swelling gets bad then I have to call right away. I have also noticed the PVC's seem to be more common lately but I believe that is related to stress as well. So, life goes on and we continue to learn from this time. God is always in control and therefore we trust his will for our lives. The one thing I will say is no matter what being home is the best thing for me. All of the therapist believe I should return to work part time when I do return and that it would be better if I worked from home. I hope that can work towards getting me back home and working. Thank you all again for your continued prayers. I have not written lately about weight loss mainly because I have not been concerned about it. I do know I have not gained any weight at least based on my cloths but I also don't think I have lost any more weight either. Frankly, at this point, I don't care. I am where I am and I am home with my wife and children nothing else really matters to me.

Speech therapist just came out and said she is scheduling me for 9 weeks of therapy. The main obstacle will be dealing with speaking during stressful situations. One thing she did wonder is when I hit my head on March did that affect my speech in some way. But, there is just no way to know for sure. Once we get through the 9 weeks of therapy which will be twice a week we will graduate to once a week as long as needed. Time will tell. Physical therapy is scheduled to come out this afternoon. I am already very tired but want to go through with the therapy. It is my best track to healing. On another note, Cottia is still coughing but she seems better. Emily has taken her to the doctor so we hope to know more soon. I may update again today once the physical therapist leaves.

Both Speech and physical therapy called today and are coming out tomorrow. I know it will be challenging but I also feel it is important to really get this going. I have noticed the stuttering has increased some but I think that probably was to be expected. The key for me is to stay calm. I do feel I am getting around the house pretty well but I use the walker most of the time. I can walk some around the kitchen and bathroom as long as I have something to hold on to. Last night was not a good night. Cottia coughed most of the night and is really congested. I hope she gets better very soon. I woke up with very intense chest pain and had to use my nitro. I have not had to do that since December. The nitro worked and I was able to go back to sleep but I was not up to going to Church this morning. I really wanted to be there but it just was not possible. I spent a good part of the day in bed but not all of it. I did get up this morning and got Eva ready for Church then spent some time with Cottia who stayed home with me. She threw up then was able to take a nap so we both slept. Emily is getting a good and well deserved nap right now so that is good. So, tomorrow will be a very interesting day. I should get some good work and be very tired by the end of the day. That is never a bad thing!

I feel like I am getting around the house a lot better. I still feel very weak and tired and last night I did have some minor tremors but nothing too serious. Emily continues to amaze me with all she has to do. I try to help but sometimes I just feel like I am only half a man. fortunently, we have two young men who are willing to come over and help us.. I have to say thanks to both Jason and Jordan Justice for what they did today. One thing I have learned is humility. It is interesting that I never really considered myself a prideful person but I now know that I have to have help to get things done. There is grass to be cut and weedeating to be done. Today, Jason and Jordan moved the firewood from the porch to the woodshed and they took off our trash. Simple things that I did for us before all of this began. I know I have to be careful not to fall into depression as that is a real possibility especially given my past so the counseling I am going to get is going to be vital to my recovery. I remain committed to recovering but I also remain committed to taking it slow and making sure it is right this time instead of rushing back before I am truly ready. Tomorrow is Sunday and I so want to go to Church. I am nervous and a bit worried about how I will react. But, it is important to me to worship the King. Emily is so supportive and continues to reassure me that people will understand the stuttering and even if I have tremors. A lot of it depends on how Cottia is doing but God willing I will worship and sing praises to the most High. Even if not, I will worship from my home. He has seen me so far and I know he will see me all the way through.