Sunday, April 22, 2012

It has been an interesting week. My counselor in Columbia felt it best that I just get treatment in Charleston. I have certainly worked on a lot with her and will miss her greatly. I also feel I have made a lot of progress with her but she was so gracious in the way she handled thing and I know in the end all she wants is the best for me and that is probably going to be in Charleston. None the less it was hard to realize that I won't be going over there to see her weekly or even every other week. So, another chapter closes in the journey that I have been on but a new one has opened up and I am excited about that.

There really isn't a lot more to say about the week. The girls are doing well and Cottia's softball team continues to win even though they did lose a game last week. It was our first loss of the season. I have been blessed to go to the games and sit in the care but I can see all of the action so I don't miss anything. Cottia got a hit and on base in that game and she made a wonderful stop in the outfield to prevent the other team from scoring another run so she is really becoming quite the little softball player. Eva continues to grow and really loves her school. She is making friends and doing well. We were home one evening, I don't remember which one, but she looked at me and said "Daddy I have a booger in my nose." So, I told her to go get a tissue and blow her nose. She did and proudly came back around to my den and showed it to me. All I could do was laugh.

Saturday was my cousin's youngest childs birthday so I took the girls to the party. The had a great time and I had a lot of help and was able to sit most of the way through. But, on the way out of the party there is a drop off from the concret. It is more like an incline. Well, I fell. I really hurt my knees and fell backwards on my backside and it really hurt my tailbone. I think I have aggrevated the tailbone break. But, the doctor's have already told me there is nothing they can do so I just have to endure it.

Last night we took Jason out for supper. His mother came and so did a family friend of ours. We ate at Pedro's the Mexican restaurant here in Swansea. We had them do the little birthday thing they do which entails putting a Mexican somprao on him, banging a can and giving him fried ice cream. We all has a good time and he told us he was going to be able to come to church today which was great.

His mom came with him which was great for him. This mornings service was also unique and very interesting as we had a Messianic Jew conduct the service and conduct the Sedor service which is the Passover meal. I really enjoyed that and learning how it clearly points to Jesus and the Messiah prophisied in the old Testament.

Then came the moment of truth. Jason came out to the car to say goodbye to our family. He really showed the girls how much he loved them and he gave Emily a hug and showed her how much she had meant to him. Then, he came around to me. I felt like a part of me was leaving because I know what he will go through having been in the Navy and going through bootcamp myself. I told him how proud of him I was and how we will miss him. I told him that I could not be more proud of him than I am at this moment. I tried to hold my emotions in but it was hard and I did shed a tear. But, I know we are sending him off in God's hands and this is the best option for him and for his future. So, we let him go and then came home. It was a pretty normal Sunday afternoon from there. Cottia did have practice this afternoon so Eva and I watched a movie and tried to do a few things but it really wore me down and now I am really beginning to feel some pain so I am in my chair and resting.

So, that was it. I go back to Charleston May 1st for my next appointment. In the mean time I will try to stay as busy as I can and do as much as I can to keep my strength. Once again, I pray God's blessings on you all and that his grace will fall on you and give you peace.

Have a great week and God bless,

t

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Today was a day I had been looking forward to for sometime. I had my first session in Charleston. Jason went with me so I did not go alone. He was great company and it gave me the opportunity to be with him before he leaves for bootcamp on Monday. He will be in training over the weekend but we are hoping to get to do something with him Saturday evening. We will have to see if he can get there. He is going to check with his recruiter tomorrow and let us know.

The session went very well. I was having some tremors and my speech started off rough but once I settled down it got better. We talked about a lot of things and I truly believe the doctor down there can do a lot of good for me. One thing she said that was to my advantage was that she did not have to coax me to talk. It was obvious that I wanted to talk and that is always good. She did say that there will be days when I leave mad or frustrated because we are really going to have to deal with some very deep issues and it might get tough. She also said there may come a time when I have to choose between coming to Charleston or sticking with my counselor in Columbia but that is nothing to worry about right now. We will just have to see how things go. That would be hard for me because I really do love my counselor here but also know that the neuro psychiatrist is going to be good for me as well. I believe Charleston is the place where I can make the most progress if it comes to that but I hope it doesn't so we will see how all that turns out.

In the mean time, I will pray and leave that in God's hands and allow him to work. I am glad to be back home. I'm tired both physically and emotionally but it is good to be home and in my own chair.

So, life goes on. But, I do think I am going to see some progress and make some improvements. But, it is going to get dirty and there will be things I don't want to face but God has put me in this place at this time in my life so I can deal with them and heal so I can better serve him.

I pray God's blessings on you all and that his mercy and grace will fall on you all. Have a great evening.

t

Monday, April 16, 2012

Good evening, Not an aweful lot to blog about today. I took Cottia to school then went and got Jason. He spent the day here and is going with me to Charleston tomorrow. He now has his drivers permit so he can drive if necessary. I am excited to begin my treatments down there and feel this is a huge step towards recovery. I'm not sure what to expect tomorrow but we will find out when we get there.

Cottia had a softball game tonight and I am very proud to say that she got a base hit and drove in a run!! She expects to hit a homerun everytime so I am dealing with explaining that what she did is just as important as a homerun and she should want to hit a homerun but should be happy with just base hits. The ball park has been great about allowing me to park in the outfield so I can watch the games and I let Jason drive to give him some practice. He did pretty good and he will be just fine.

On a sad note, this is the last night he will spend with us for a while as he leaves Monday for bootcamp and then AIP back here at Ft Jackson. I hope we will get to see him from time to time while he is in training but we will see how that works out.

I actually felt pretty good today. I think it is the anticipation of what is going to happen in Charleston over the next few weeks and months. It has given me some hope that I was afraid I had lost.

So, that is about it. I'll try to blog about tomorrow depending on how tired I am. It will be a long day but one that is needed.

Once, I pray God blesses you and all who read this. I pray his grace will fall on you and that you will have peace and grace in your lives.

t

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Well, it's Sunday and we are back home. We had a great trip even though I feel bad that Emily had to drive the entire way. She has had to do that now for several years. But, I am still hopefully that I will get back up and running. We got home last night and the girls did very well on the trip. We did make it to Church this morning but it was hard for me to sit on the Church pew. I fell twice in Virginia and one was backwards and I felt my back throbing and I think I probably aggrevated the broken tail bone. But, there isn't anything the doctors can do so there really isn't a reason to go to see the doctor.

I felt a little stronger today. But, am really tired now. The girls are at a birthday party with their mother but should be home shortly. I'm glad they have this time with her. I know it is important. My oldest has been very protective of me and last night told me she was so glad that I was her daddy and that she loved spending time with me. Needless to say she knows how to make my heart melt. I took her to my mother's farm before the party and we saw some newly hatched geese. They were so cute and she really enjoyed seeing them.

I think one thing that is bothering me is I am beginning to realize that I may never sing like I used to. I don't really try in Church anymore and when I try on my own the voice is just not there. Music has identified who I was for so long that I don't know how I am going to deal with this realization if the voice is really gone. Our Church does not really do the type of music I like to sing but they have been great about asking me to sing. I just don't feel comfortable and am really scared that my tremors would take over so I allow the fear to take over and am afraid to even try.

None the less, life goes on even if I can't sing. My speech seems better and I begin treatments in Charleston this week. Jason is going with me. He got his drivers permit this week and it will be good to spend the time with him. He leaves next Monday for boot camp and I'll admit, I will miss him greatly. He has done so much for us and really has become a part of our family. So, a part of us will go with him and he will always have our prayers and best wishes.

My youngest said today that God spoke to her this morning and he is coming to visit in 24 hrs and he wants mac and cheese and pumpkin pie! Well, I guess we have to get ready for a very important visit! Cottia's "boyfriend" wrote her a note today and simply said he loves Cottia and Swamp People....well, I guess he will fit in our family just fine if their relationship holds!

Well, that is about it. As always, I pray God's richest blessings on you all and that you will have a great week. May his grace fall over you and give you all peace.

t

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Well, it has almost been a week since I have blogged and a lot has happened but I will try to address the most important. First, was Good Friday, the girls had the day off and honestly, I don't remember much of what we did. But, Saturday we had our family get together at my cousin's house for Easter. It was great for the girls to get to spend time with that side of the family. I was sitting on the couch and when I tried to get up I did fall back on the couch but my cousin and some other guys were there and they helped me up and out to the car which was nice. We made our way home and got ready for Easter Sunday. We were leaving right after Church to come to Virginia for spring break. I feel really bad that my wife has to drive the entire way but she does and she never complains. Actually on Saturday Cottia had a softball game first thing in the morning. Her team won and is undefeated. I am able to go and park in the outfield so I can watch the game without having to get out and risk a fall. Then, we had an Easter egg hunt at our Church and the girls really enjoyed that before we headed to my cousins. In fact, Cottia found the golden egg and Eva found the silver egg so they both found the two most coveted eggs! I was so happy for them and proud at the same time.

There really isn't much to report on the trip. Tonight we went out to eat with Emily's dad and when we got home I fell coming in. I hurt my knee and the left side of my body is in a little pain but I am mostly tired which is normal given the tremors that always follow a fall. I stayed on the floor for about 10 minutes but thankfully, I don't feel pain like everyone else does so I am not in as much pain as most people would be.

It is always great to be up here. The girls always look forward to spending time with their grandmother and seeing their grandfather if he is up which he is this trip. I pretty much stay close to home but Emily and her mother take the girls out and they enjoy the time weather at the playground of if they take them somewhere that is a tourist attraction. Right now there are a lot of forest fires around so we have to keep an eye on that just to be safe. There are some places that are under evacuation orders but right now we are not.

Lord willing, we are coming home Saturday so we will have a day before they start school again and I go to Charleston next Tuesday for my first real treatment at MUSC.

So, that is about it. I'm tired from the fall but life goes on. I hope and pray God will bless each and everyone of you that reads this and that he will send his grace apon you. Have a great evening and take care.

t

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Today has started off much better than yesterday. My speech is still not good but I don't feel light headed or dizzy like I did yesterday. I do have a headache and have had some PVC's but it is nothing new.

This is a great day for me. My wife had bought me a pair of xtra large shorts instead of 2x. I have not fit in xtra large in over ten years. I realize different brands make their cloths differently so this xtra might be a 2x in other cloths but I am still celebrating this accomplishment. Since I have been disabled I have really not been able to do a lot of exercising but I think pushing the walker around has helped. It is a great feeling and has really raised my spirits.

There really isn't much more to say today. We are looking for some rough weather here this afternoon and tonight and tomorrow the girls and Emily will be home. It will be nice to have them here.

I want to take this time to wish everyone a very happy Easter and ask all who read this to remember what Easter is all about. The resurrection of Jesus and the gift of salvation. I pray God blesses you all and gives you the peace that surpasses all understanding. Remember to go to Church and give him praise for all he has done in your life!

Have a great day to one and all.

t

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I am going to do another blog for today. It has been a rough day. I am still light headed and feel dizzy. I also have a bad head/neck ache on the left side. It seems to be starting in the neck and moving through the left eye area. I have had neck tremors most of the day and feel exhausted. But, I did get some rest, but I was not able to make my counseling session this morning. I don't think it was safe for me to travel. My speech was very rough this morning but is better this afternoon. I'm not sure what is going on but I can tell the PVC's are way more active. But, once again, I know things will get better. I really wanted to go to the counseling session this morning because I felt I needed it but it just was not safe. When I called the counseling center they understood and seemed to understand. I think they would rather me be safe than risk my life and anyone else's. But, none the less, I do feel I missed the session and really needed it.

Now on to better news, the girls got home and both girls have their Bible verses for Awana's and I am very proud of them and what they are learning and accomplished doing Awana's.

I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day and will trust God for that.

I still have the feeling of being useless but I feel loved and I guess that is the most important thing.

Well, once again, I pray God's peace be with you all and his grace fall on you like rain. Take care and God bless,

t
For the first time in my life I feel useless. My daughter is playing softball and I can't even work with her. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that she has someone working with her and he is doing a great job and she is really playing well. But, I just feel so bad that I cannot help her. Then you throw in that my singing voice does not seem to be coming back. I can sing some but not the way I used to and I worry it will never come back. I wake up and some days I feel ok but others like today, I am light headed and dizzy. The PVD's are becoming more frequent.

Well, enough of the pity party. I know life will get better but right now, I am just so down. I'm not going to blog anymore but I do pray God's bless you all and give you a great day.

t

Monday, April 2, 2012

I realize I have blogged in a few days but things are about the same. I still have chest pains and the PVC's have increased. I seem to have a lot of headaches but they are different than the headaches I am used to. They are mainly in my neck radiating up to my head. It is very painful but is almost always there. The ringing in my left ear is very pronounced and really frustrating. I can see why it drives people crazy.

My oldest has a softball game tomorrow night and I am so excited that I get to go. I am allowed to park up by the ball park so I can watch the game without having to get out. But, I am still there and really enjoy the games.

I did fall twice last week. Once was after I had taken a shower but I had dried off and gotten dressed then I fell. The other was at Church Sunday morning. I have a bit of carpet burn on my left elbow but it is nothing major. I have kind of grown used to falling and know how to do it without any major damage. All falls are accompained by tremors.

The girls are amazing. Just the other night Eva actually said to me that she is an amazing girl. I laughed but looked at her and said, you certainly are. Cottia continues to do well in school and on the softball field. Emily continues to be a rock and I know she is under a lot of stress but she handles it pretty well.

Jason spent this last Saturday evening and it was good to have him in the house so he could go to Church with us Sunday. He is a very good young man and carries himself with such dignity and grace. We are very proud of him.

Well, that is about it. The tremors and falling continue. The speech fluency seems to have gotten a little better again so I think that is back on the mend. So, I am ready to start the treatment at MUSC in April and hope for good results in a short period of time.

As always, I pray God's blessings on you and may his grace fill your life with joy and peace.

t