It is hard to believe but this is my 121st blog. I have enjoyed sharing all that has happened and all that God has seen us through. I have not blogged in 2 days as I did return to work 4 hrs a day yesterday. Yesterday and today I worked 8-12. Starting Monday I will work 12-4. Those are our busiest hours and we need all the folks we can get on the phones. I did find it pretty easy to follow the systems after such a long time. I guess it is like falling off a bike. But, after the 3rd hour I was really struggling. The pain is off the chain and I have bled a little. I also just feel so weak and tired. The surgeon's office was supposed to call my gastro to schedule an appointment but as of today they have not. So, I called my gastro myself and have an appointment next Thursday at 9:30. I think he is going to do a colonoscopy. I have been through them before so I know what to expect. They are not too bad just the prep is difficult. I have a feeling I will be on 4 hrs a day for a while but we will just have to see. At least I am working. That is a blessing.

I saw the doctor today. He did not want me to go back to work but I told him I really needed to try. So, he agreed for me to go back 4 hrs a day. He did say that I should not be bleeding after this amount of time. He wants me to follow up with my gastro and to have the light go up to make sure there is nothing else going on. They called my gastro for me but I have not heard anything back. I also called the gastro and will see where we go from there. I went to my office to prepare to return. They were so awesome and understanding. I will probably not be on the phones for at least one day and will have to work my way back into taking calls. It is not going to be easy but I do feel I need to at least try. If it does not work out then I will have to come back out. The pain is really intense today so hopefully I can get to the bottom of this very soon. So, this is the end of full disability for at least a while. Am I ready to go back to work? No. But, I do feel I need to try.

Today is a big day. I see the doctor this morning at 11:30. I have already been bleeding today so I guess we will see what the doctor says. I am hoping to go back to work 4 hrs a day to start with then working my way back into full time. I do think that is the best thing for me to do. I also know they have scheduled a band adjustment but I really do not want to do that. I do worry that I may have regained some of weight as I have been eating a lot lately. But, we will see. I will plan to blog again this afternoon once I have seen the doctor and know what he says.

Today has been rough. The bleeding is worse and to be blunt I am going to probably have to throw away my underwear. The pain in the rectum is also continuing to get worse. I called the doctor's office to schedule my appointment earlier in the day. I don't know if he will say I can return to work or not but I have to know before the afternoon. If he continues the disability then we will once again face having to have it certified which will probably require more paperwork and as history has proven that takes time with my doctor's office. I really don't think I need that kind of stress again. I really wish I could go back part time and slowly return to full time. But, I just don't know how that will turn out. I also continue to worry that more is going on than just struggling from the rectum surgery. My heart does seem to be doing better even though I continue to have PVC episodes. I have not had an angina attack in a while so hopefully that is subsiding. All in all I do think things are better but it does continue to be a struggle.

Today the bleeding was really bad. The pain is also up today for some reason. I assume it has to do with the work I tried to do yesterday. I am also concerned that I am eating more lately. I will be surprised if I have lost anymore weight. In fact, I do think I will have regained a few. I realize that is to be expected during the holiday season so I am not going to beat myself up over it but I need to be sure to get it back under control now that the holiday season is over. I really don't think my body is ready to return to work but I also know I really need to try. If I go back and have to come back out that is ok. A lot depends on what the doctor says Wednesday. Tomorrow will be another busy day and that is good and I guess we will just have to see how this all works out.

We took down our Christmas decorations today. That is always so sad to me. I love Christmas and this year was even more special with us being home and the girls really grasping what Christmas meant. My oldest daughter said she loved Christmas because it was about giving. Then, she said she wanted it to continue so she could find people to give her more gifts! LOL, well, she does have her priorities. We got the decorations down and now I am really paying the price. My body is in a lot of pain and I am exhausted. I feel so inadequate anymore. I try to do things and my body just does not have the strength it used to. Even this morning in Church I could not stand the pain just sitting on the pew. I had to once again get up and move to the Bridal area to be comfortable. The pain is not just in the rectum but all over my body and somehow I am supposed to return to work this thursday. I see the doctor Wednesday and hopefully he will at least do an exam and not just ask me how I am feeling. I know I have to return but I also know my body is just not ready. I appreciate the continued prayers. God is faithful.

It is a new year and with new years come new hopes and new opportunities. I am so thankful for all that I have and for all that is yet to come. God has been so good to us and he continues to amaze me with his love and guidance. I am still very weak and tired but I am alive and I have a wonderful wife and two beautiful children. The pain is also still there but it is getting better. I am scheduled to return to work this thursday but honestly I know I am not ready. I am hoping it won't be too hard to get back in the swing of things. I guess we will see. So, a new year is here and it is going to be exciting!