Well, today started out well enough. We got up on time and got the girls off and I headed to counseling. I always look forward to that. Then, on the way home, I needed to stop off at Wal-mart. Well, all the handicapped spaces were filled so I had to ride around for a while but God always provides and I found a parking space very close just by the store. I have to use one of those roller cart things because I can't walk around the store. Well, there is a light that tells you if the battery is dead or going dead and it was green so that meant the battery was fine. So, I started to pick up the few things we needed and then suddenly the cart died on me. I felt embarrassed and had to ask for someone to bring me a new one. Well, the store was gracious and certainly did bring me one but it had already started frustration. So, I didn't want to but I was hungry so I went through Sonic for lunch. I really don't like doing that but with my therapy sessions and this today I have had to go through fast food both days. I usually go through Bojangles and get Their boberry biscuits because they are cheap and every penny counts right now. But, they are just not that good for me so I went through sonic again adding to my frustration. I could feel my heart racing and the pacemaker working but I made it home and got in a short nap before I had to go get the girls. Emily had to have a crown on her teeth so I had to get the girls. Thankfully we have such wonderful people as Judy and Johnny in our lives that bring the girls out so I don't have to get out and risk falling on my way into their house. Well, we made it home at the exact same time Emily was driving up so she was here. We got cottia's homework done but Eva was in some mood. I don't think she feels very well and Judy woke her up from her nap so she was still sleepy and that also added to it. Emily took them to Awanas and I decided I wanted to go to Church tonight. Well, on the way in, I tried to open the door and fell against it. It really hurt this time on the right side and right now I am in a lot of pain in the right lower arm and hand but I have become so used to it that I just don't really think about it that much. I am just thankful that I didn't fall all the way to the ground. I was able to brace myself against the door until two men from the Church came out to help. I had obvious tremors but I have learned that taking some very deep breaths helps calm them down as long as I wait. It took some time but having these men to hold me while I gathered myself helped. The tremors lasted for about 15 minutes I would say so I asked a friend of ours to go with me to the brides room which she did and we just talked and it helped because I was concerned about driving but I felt I could make it. I called Emily to let her know we were on our way home and to ask her to start a cup of coffee for me. I didn't want to alarm her so I didnt tell her about the fall but at least she knew we were on the way home so she would have a time line to expect us. I have taken some pain mediine and will watch the right arm and hand to make sure there is no swelling. I don't see the need to go to the doctor unless it swells or something like that. Right now, I just want to relax and be thankful for the day I had and that I am home safe and sound. I have therapy tomorrow so I will tell them about it and let them take a look just to be on the safe side but unless there is some swelling there really isn't anything a doctor can do. I have noticed that I am getting dizzy more often but am not sure why. I guess we will see. Probably has to do with all the meds I m on. Well, that is about it. Just another day in the life.

On other notes, both girls did their Bible verses and seemed to have a great time at Awanas and are learnin so much. I am very proud of both of them. They are so beautiful and God has given me far more than I deserve. I pray his blessings on you all and may God richly bless you all. Have a great night.

It has been a few days since I have blogged but I really have not had a lot to report. Today, I had therapy and found out that my insurance will pay for only 10 more visits so we have decided to tweek some things. I will do occupational therapy two more times and speech will also move to once a week but physical therapy will continue twice a week as far as I know right now. The exercise is very important for the vein disease so that has to be the priority. I am excited about what my Dr of speech therapy has for me though. She wants me to join a choir!! I have missed that and so I have to find one that will work with me so I am contacting folks that will allow me to sing with the group and that understands I will probably not be able to stand long periods of time. But, I can hopefully work on a Christmas program that is traditional and yet challenging. I feel like I have a new lease and even though the rehap will be winding down it will be there for me next year if I need it. The most important thing right now is this vein issue. If the blockage continues to build it could lead to a bigger and more major heart attack or stroke especially since my BP went to 190/135 last week. So, there will be some changes in my life but that is not always a bad thing. I just pray God continues to work and I pray his blessings on everyone who reads this. Have a great night and take care. t

Well, it's been a few days since I have blogged but I feel the need to do so tonight. I am in another of the girls and Emily would be better off without me. I am just tired and know everyone reacts the same but I have promised to be honest so that is my emotion tonight. But, right now, I am watching Jeff Dunham's new show and it is really funny. He is a bit adult but it cracks me up! I went to one of his shows when he was in Columbia a few years ago and it was very funny. The pain in my legs is worse today but I guess that is to be expected.

My cousin seems to be doing pretty well and is recovering. I wish her all the best.

Disability continues to be more stress than is good for me or anyone. I now truly understand why people hate insurance companies the way they do. But, I have to figure a way to work this out to take the best care of my family as I can and get back to some form of work. At least if I am able to get into sales I can truly tell folks what to expect and help them through the process.

I still trust God and put my life in his hands. I have to admit that I wonder why Emily puts up with me. She is so strong and faces life dead on while I just want to crawl in a corner and give up. I admire her so much and just want what is best for her and these two little girls.

One thing I can leave this life with when that day comes is that I did not lie, I did the best I could, and did not give up. That is not a bad legacy to leave behind. I hope I have many more years to go but we will see. God has that all planned out.

To say it was a rough weekend is an understatement but it is over now and I am ready to move on. I continue to appreciate all the prayers and support. God bless you all and have a good night.

Today I saw my family doctor and he said to keep with the exercise and that the pain will increase and I just have to learn where the limit is. He did say that I have already done most of what I can do I just have to continue and keep up the exercise unless my cardiologist says otherwise.

It was a rainy day so I came home and got caught up on the rest I had missed from the other night at the hospital. I got a very nice call from my therapist yesterday checking on me and that meant a lot and today the Dr of speeck therapy called which also meant a lot. I'm just ready for all of this to be over but I have to keep fighting.

Cottia did not have a good night. But, some of it was my fault. I helped with homework which is never a good idea. I'm just not as smart as Emily and I thought the child had formed sentences but she hadn't. Emily had to get her shot so I thought I was helping but when Cottia found out she had more homework to do she had a major breakdown. I felt really bad but I made sure to take responsibility for it because it really was not her fault. Hopefully we both learned a lesson from this.

Well, that is about it. I am hoping the pain in my legs will get better and so I have to try to keep moving even with the walker. So, that's about it. The girls are in bed and Emily is hopefully able to get some rest and will be able to make the game tomorrow so she can get away from it all. I pray you all have a great evening and may God bless you all.

t

Yesterday was therapy day and while doing physical therapy they noticed that again my left leg was tight and it was in pain. It was colder than the right and they became worried about a blood clot so the doctor sent me to the ER at Palmetto Richland to have a dobler study. So, I went there and waited in the ER for almost 3 hrs to go back. I really didn't mind that too much because there were people there much worse than me. But, It was just frustrating to wait that long. So, a recommendation. Always take an ambulance when going to any ER. Well, finally they got me back. I was having some chest pain so they did the normal blood pressure checks and some blood work which was normal. The dopler showed no clots but that I have Perpipheral Vasclar Disease. So, I guess that just means one more item to list on my check off of illnessess in life! LOL. But, I did get down and finally when the room was empty had a cry. I don't think I let it all out but at least I let my emotions out. They said they really had no answers but could see where the toes were separating and the swelling and my reflexes in the left leg are slower than the right and it has less sensation so I think that is why this diagnosis. I am supposed to follow up with my doctor and cardiologist. Well, as they were getting ready to discharge me my blood pressure went to 190/135. I dont think it has ever been that high so they decided to keep me a while longer for observation. It was already around 11 maybe even a little later and I was ready to go. So, they gave me some BP medicine and the BP did start to come down so they sent me home. Well, I thought they always took you out in a wheel chair but they were not going to do that so I had to walk. It would have been the furtherist I have walked since all this began. I'm not sure what happened but as I turned the corner on the way out, I remember seeing the door to exit and getting excited. The next thing I remember I was on the floor and had fallen again. I'm not sure but I think I hit my head on the floor because I began to develop a headache and my neck hurt. Plus my left elbow was hurting so they took me right back to the same room I had been in. I asked to be allowed to just come on home but the doctor said no. I felt I was already half way to my car so just help me get there and I would drive home. But, I do have to look at it from their point of view if something happened then they could be liable so I do understand. Well, they kept me for probably about another hour to an hour and a half. Did an x-ray of the elbow and it was fine and gave me some tylenol for the headache. I was still a bit dizzy but nothing I did not think I could handle. So, the hospital called a blue ribbon cab to take me home. They paid for it but I asked again to be allowed to just drive myself. We live so far away. But, the cab driver was a nice enough lady and I was able to share my faith with her on the way home so maybe that is why all this happened. Who knows. I got home between 2:30 and 3am. I went to bed and got up this morning to see the girls off. I wanted them to see me so they would be reassured that I was ok. Now, I have to get back to get my truck. I did get some rest today but am still a little stary eyed and dizzy but not too bad. So, just another day in the life. But, the good news is there was no clot just the vascular disease.

Now I am waiting on Emily and the girls to get home. I do have two doctor's appointments tomorrow and hope I can make them but we will see. I don't feel down right now just tired.

I can't wait to see the girls and their new haircuts!! They are getting hair cuts today and so is Emily so it is some good mother daughter time and I think that is very important. So, I will continue with rehab and enjoy my family and all God's blessings. Our of all of that if my sharing my faith with the cab driver was the reason and it changes her life or makes her thing then it will be worth it. Her soul is precious in his sight and if I have to go through some pain for her gain then so be it. I have been so selfish through all of this and have blown opportunity after opportunity to share my faith but I didn't last night. Late in the night as we rode home from a very long day. There is always a reason and a way to share we just have to look for it. Well, that is my story for yesterday and really today. I hope everyone has a great night and May God richly bless you.

t

Not a very eventful day. Cottia was sick last night and we had to clean her room. She had the same thing I think Emily had and now Eva has thrown up just a little so we are hoping she is not getting sick. But, there is a little bug going around. I am just tired. I did get some rest even though a very stressful event took place. The chest pains came back but I took my medication and it helped. I was able to relax. My biggest concern now is where do I go from here. I plan to continue with rehab and hope to continue to make progress. There is no doubt that I am making progress but it is slow and that is frustrating. I just hope the girls get to feeling better. The day was not a complete waste. I did manage to do some laundry and got some rest. Tomorrow is therapy and I am looking forward to getting back into the routine. I did have some tremors today but nothing that I am not used to. They are just a part of my life. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and continue to realize there is always someone else far worse off than I am. I just want my life back. So, that is about it. The pain in the left leg continues but again it is something I am just used to. Life goes on. Speech is better but when I am nervous it gets far worse and that also seems to start tremors. But, we will continue to strive forward and let God lead. After all, he has the final word. I pray you all have a great night. t

I'm not sure if it was worrying about what I am going to do about a job and my family. Or, if it was just that my heart was acting up. But, I was up a lot last night with chest pain. I had to take the nitro spray 3 times. I know it wasn't acid because I took tums and my perscription. It took the nitro to calm it down all three times. Then, my entire lower body went numb. But, it didn't last long and now is ok. I'm not sure what happened there but needless to say I stayed home from Church. I went back to bed about 10 and slept until 5. I just have decided it is not worth us putting our anymore money just to be told that it is only angina and I'll just have to live with it. I have been enough of a drain on this family as it is.

Right now, I feel ok but tired. I did have pain in the jaw and some in the arm but that has happened before so I just take it in stride and move on. Hopefully there is nothing major going on and I will be ok. I just feel bad that Emily once again was left with the girls and I did not get to spend very much time with my daughters today.

When I did get up Eva was so cute. She decided to take care of me. She got her little doctor kit and gave me a shot, took my blood pressure and took my temperature. She would make a good doctor. So, that was my day. Not exactly the day I had envisioned.

We were happy to have Jason over last night so he could go to Church this morning with us this morning and I hope he had a good time. I'm sure he had a blessing from attending the service.

Please pray for my Aunt. She has been taken to the hospital with her heart and I love her dearly. Also, please pray for my cousin's son who is in the hospital as well.

I hope everyone has a good night and may God bless.

t