Today was a therapy day so it got me out of the house. I am glad to get up and get dressed and get out for even a few hours. I did have an incident though while waiting to go back for therapy. There are two Thomas Taylor's and they got our schedules mixed up. Well, that is just human but it frustrated me which set off another tremor much like the one when I fell but this time there was a therapist behind me who caught me and a very nice guy who kept me from hitting the ground. I am a bit sore but at least I did not hit the floor. God was there and provided just the help I needed. My blood pressure was different everytime they took it and it actually got to the bottom number of 96 while I was sitting. Then there was one reading that the bottom number was in the 70's while I was working. It makes no sense it should have been the other way around. They did tell me that it was faint as well and one reading was 140/86 then within a minute it was 122/80. Just all over the place. But, I see my cardiologist next week so I will be interested in seeing what he says.

I did feel my pace maker working which is good and disturbing at the same time. It is an uncomfortable feeling but it is something I know about and what it is so that is good. I just feel so much more comfortable back at healthsouth and that I am getting the kind of care I should. I wish I could see the neurologist before August but I have set some goals and will discuss with my doctor next week. I already know that I am scheduled for therapy through July so I am going to ask him to work with me to return to work at least part time in August depending on how the therapy goes. The major obstacle is speech which by the way we did not do any real talking today she did more measuring of my ability to keep up with a metronome. I don't know how I did but as usual I do know I did worse on the left side than the right which is normal at this point. After therapy I was exhausted but they had a printed schedule of sessions for the rest of the month so I have it in print which is also good. I just have to make this happen by August 28th even if it is on a part time basis. I have never worked so hard and been so determined as I am now. It feels good to feel that fight in me again.

The hospital said they would request home therapy again out of concern for my well being driving and the risk of tremors and that home health should not have discharged me. But, I get better care and work harder at the hospital plus it gets me out of the house so I told them I preferred to be with them. I am in the right place and I just know God put me there so who am I to argue with that. So, that is about it. After therapy I came home and slept for a while but not too long. I just felt good about the future again for the first time in a long time and I am praising God for that.

I don't have a lot to say as today was kind of a day off. I go back to therapy tomorrow and then counseling Friday. But, one thing I did have happen today which was interesting is I cut myself with a kitchen knife. It wasn't bad or very deep but it did bleed and I felt nothing. I did not even know I had cut myself until I saw the blood on the finger. It was my index finger. Under normal circumstanes I would have felt that but I didn't today. So, I wonder if this is what the therapist was referring to about the nerve sensitivity. I will adress this with the therapist about it on Friday. That is really about it. I now know I have to be able to return to work at least part time by the end of August so the biggest obstacle is my speech. I will address with my doctors next week and with my counselor this week. I know I am not ready right now but I know what I have to do so I ask for prayers that I can at least return part time by the end of August.

Finally, Go Gamecocks!!! We repeated and it is a great feeling.

I haven't posted in a few days as we traveled to Virginia for Emily's brother's wedding. It was a very simple yet tastefull wedding set out doors in a national park that used to be an old plantation. But, I have to admit the trip was stressful for me. Friday morning I woke about 230 or 3 with intense chest pain. I had to take my nitro 4 times before it finally calmed down. I went back to bed about 6am but slept almost the entire day on Saturday. I felt guilty but I was just so exhausted and almost went to the hospital but it passed so I went on. The trip home was uneventful and the girls were great. I watched the Carolina baseball game last night which was even more stressful than the UVA game and did not have any problems with the chest pain so I'm not sure what happened. I had a little bit of a stomach issue and was wound up after the game but finally did go to bed around 3. I am hoping the Gamecocks put the game away early tonight but that is not their M.O.

I had therapy and actually got some great news! At least I think it is good news. During the occupational therapy they do a new pain sensory test. It was not consistant and they said they wrote in their eval uncertain. The therapist said it shows there is something going on with the nervous system. It is the first real medical evidence that there is something more than emotional going on with me. I know it sounds strange but I am rejoicing in the fact that now there is some evidence and she even suggested I try to get my appointment with the neurolgist earlier than August so I called the Dr. office and I am being put on a hold in case their is a cancellation. Speech therapy went well. There are moments of great fluency and then there are moments of frustration but I do think it is getting better.

On another note, I did get my notification that my employment would end with Colonial August 28th if I am not able to return to work at least on a part time basis. I expect to be able to accomplish that goal and one thing I need to work with human resources and my doctors is working part time to start with and working from home. I know the occupational therapist suggested that so hopefully that will work out.

Well, I guess that is it for tonight. I have to get ready for this baseball game. Sure hope the Gamecocks pull it out tonight and we don't have to go through another game. But, I feel I had a good day and just to know that there is now some physical/medical evidence that there is more going on than just conversion disorder has made all the difference in my mood and spirit so we will see where we go from here. But, God's hands are all over this!!

Emily made it home safe and sound and we are so glad to have her back. The girls got to go swimming which is something I know they have missed as I can't take them due to my health. The best news is we made it through the last few days. Now, tomorrow she goes for a root canal then we have to pack but not too much to go to her brother's wedding in Virginia.

I really don't have much to blog about tonight other than the tingling is now in the bottom of my right foot and the pain in the left foot is there but not as bad today. I really didn't do very much today other than rest. I expect tomorrow to be pretty much the same thing then next week begins outpatient therapy. I am excited about that because I know they will really work me and while it will be painful I think it will be the best way to get me better and hopefully stop this weakening of my body. I just don't want to go back in the hospital so hopefully all of this will be outpatient and another good thing about it is it will get me out of the house which is a good thing. So, life goes on and God continues to work.

Today I went back to Healthsouth Rehab hospital. This is a place I feel safe and I was evaluated for outpatient Occupational, physical, and speech therapy. The speech theraptist said she thought she heard tremors in my voice that is the first time I have been told that but I wonder if the tremors that have been happening have just moved to the voice box so it may be new. It felt great to get out of the house and it was great to see some great folks that helped me through such a hard time. I will be seen twice a week for all three therapies but we don't know for how long. August was mentioned but I guess we will see. We did discuss and it was felt and agreed that I should remain out on disability while going through the therapy. I know the therapy will be more intense and I feel it will speed up my recovery so I am not giving up. Amazing how God provides that lift just when it is needed. I will say the pain in my left ankle was very intense today and when the physical therapist did his eval it really hurt. I had a few tremors but nothing major compared to other tremors. All in all it was great to be there and I am glad we can do this outpatient because it will get me out of the house.

The girls are back home and I have put Eva to bed. She does not seem to be feeling too well but hopefully she will have a good nights sleep which means I will have a great nights sleep. Cottia helped out as well and I am glad they are back in the house all though I do miss their mother. I am very tired from today and the pain continues in my left heel and foot and a little in the right but once God has a plan and he is in control. Emily comes home tomorrow and It will be good to have the entire family home again.

Today's was interesting to say the least. Emily left for Hilton Head and the girls are staying with Maw Maw so I am alone for the first time since all of this began. My mom wanted me to come stay with her but I really wanted to stay on my own. I took the girls to VBS because I felt it was important for them to be there and Judy took them home after. Tomorrow is a very big day for me. I am not supposed to drive but I really don't have much of a choice. I am scheduled to be at the rehab hospital at 830 and should be done by noon. I am hoping it will be sooner than that. I am worried about driving but I have to go and there really isn't anyone else who can take me. I am being evaluated for all three therapies but I don't really think I will need very much speech or occupational therapy. Physical therapy is what I feel I need the most. It will have to be out patient so I will have to drive which means I will have to not take my medicine until I get home so we will see how it affects the tremors. The big thing is I just don't want to be put back in the hospital. The girls will come home tomorrow but I can manage for a night then I will take them to VBS and Emily will come home. After all, that is what dad's do. I love them so much and the house is so quiet right now without my family. The pain in my foot has now moved to my pelvic area and I am having PVC'S again but that is just a part of my life.

Emily got some rough news and is looking at a root canal which will not be pleasant. But, it will give me the chance to take care of her which I enjoy. I just want to be able to do things like I used to. One thing I miss the most is getting in the pool. But, hopefully I will get the all clear on that soon. Once they have figured out the tremors then I should be able to get back in the pool. I feel so weak and the pain is pretty rough but I think about my wife and how she must feel and just pray she will be ok.

So, this is another day in the life. I don't feel as depressed but I do feel down. I still trust God and that he is in control. Without that trust I don't know where I would be. I want to sell some policies so I am going to start soliciting some more. I can do online now which is cool and helps me with not having to be out of the house. So, hopefully I can write some business which will help make me feel like I am contributing.

I didn't blog yesterday because I really didn't do very much. I was in a lot of pain which has continued today. I did get up and go to Church and my wife and girls took me out to eat for lunch. My wife said she wants me to speak with my counselor about being depressed. I have felt I was getting depressed for some time and my wife is right in saying that I have a right to be but it isn't like it was before when I became so depressed after my dad died. My body just feels like it is getting weaker. The pain in my left foot is really intense and now that it has moved to the right is really beginning to worry me. I am more concerned that I will have to be on pain medicine for the rest of my life. That is really all I will say about my health today.

I do want to say what an honor it is to be the father to Cottia Caroline and Eva Marie. They bring great joy to my heart and soul. My body may be weakening. I don't know but my heart of love for these two little girls is growing stronger as the days pass. The body may give out but the heart of love will never weaken for these two little ones. Life is blessed when you are a dad.