Yesterday and today have been kind of rough. The ringing in my ears is really bad and I have a pretty constant headache and ear ache. The PVC's are really acting up and I have been light headed and dizzy but I am determined to continue.

I really haven't done very much since getting back from Charleston. I'm still tired from that trip and am resting a lot. I feel very weak and tired but I do get up and get the girls going. I also try to get Emily her glass of tea before she leaves so she does not have to worry about that.

It is amazing to me how much I miss things I used to be able to do like cutting my grass or even washing our vehicles. But, even taking a shower still takes it out of me.

I have found a lot of comfort in listening to music and it seems to calm me down as well. I love music and it really touches my soul. The one thing that really does worry me is that I may never sing again like I used to do. But, that is in God's hands and I have to trust that his will is perfect.

Well, Cottia has another game this Saturday and she is excited. I am so proud of her not just because of her playing softball but because of the young lady she is becoming.

I also look forward to nights like this when Emily takes her to practice and I get to spend the evening with Eva and even put her to bed. We have a system figured out for her getting into bed and we blow kisses to each other.

Well, that is about it for tonight. I continue to go forward and am hopeful that the treatment at MUSC will be able to help and I can get back to some form of life. The doctor down there told me they may not be able to get me back to the way I once was but they hope to be able to make improvement and get me functioning. I'll do whatever they say with the hope of making improvement.


As always, I pray God's richest blessings on you all and that his grace will flow over your lives and give you peace.

t

We are back from Charleston and I must say I really do feel good about the direction I am heading. It was also nice to go down with Emily last night and spend the night just her and I. We both met with the doctor which was very important because Emily remembers things that I don't and I get confused so easily and she has a way of wording things that helps me to understand. The one thing the doctor said was that we are already ahead of the game because we have accepted the diagnosis and she can see how much I want to get better. The way it will work is My doctor will coordinate care with psychiatry and the neurology department for the best treatment for me. I don't go back until April 17th because of her patient load but after that it will be every other week. She does not want me to drive myself for the first few sessions. So, I will have to have someone take me but eventually they do think I will be able to drive myself down there. She also said that she thinks I may be having some panic attacks but we will address that as we go through treatment. My speech was not good at all today but I think that was because I didn't know what to expect. I also had a lot of PVC's during the session but I think it is due to the realization that I will have to address a lot of things that maybe I didn't want to address. But, one thing she said is that we are really going to have to address a lot of very difficult issues and it will be tough but in order for me to get better we have to do this.

One thing I am glad about is that I will continue to meet with my counselor in Lexington. The way it will work is the week I go to Charleston I will not meet with my counselor here but the week I don't go I will meet with her. This is important to me because of the relationship we have developed and the doctor in Charleston felt that was very important and due to the fact that I have made progress that justifies me continuing with the counselor here.

It was a shame we could not stay in Charleston longer than we did because the weather was so nice. It was just a beautiful day. But, Emily and I ate lunch and then came home. I was emotionally drained and tired so I took a nap while she went and got the girls. It was great to wake up from my nap to those two beautiful faces smiling at me. I am currently rocking Cottia as she winds down to get ready for bed.

Cottia is already looking forward to her next softball game on Saturday. We will see if we get another homerun. Weather she hits one or not does not matter as long as she has fun.

Well, that is about it. I pray God's blessings on you all and that his grace will pour out on you.

t

Last night was not a good night. I woke to very severe neck tremors. I had no control over them and I just had to ride them out. I tried holding my head and even that did not work. Finally they did subside and I got to sleep but I was just work out. When I woke, I was tired and dizzy so I stayed home from Church.

I went back to bed after Emily and the girls had gone to Church. By this time, my chest was hurting again and I had to take the nitro. Finally the chest pain did subside and I was able to get back to sleep.

When I woke, Emily and the girls were back and it was time for Eva's nap. So, Emily was able to get some rest which I felt she really needed so we both napped for several hours.

Now, it is evening and I am once again having the chest pains so I am hoping they will calm down so I don't have to take the nitro again. The headache that comes from it is just off the wall.

Well, we leave tomorrow afternoon to go to Charleston for my assessment at MUSC. I am ready to get started and hope for some great results.

As always, I pray God's blessings on you all and that his grace will follow you throughout your day and night.

t

Well today started off with a bang. I woke with very intense chest pains and sweating very badly. It was about 4:30 if I remember correctly. I started to wake Emily but I wanted her to sleep and if it was a heart attack there was really nothing that could be done. I got up and felt very weak and unstable but I made it to the kitchen and took my nitro spray. It always gives me such a headache but the chest pain did begin to subside and eventually I was able to go back to sleep. When I woke again about 8:30 it was time to start the day. I still felt very weak but I managed a shower and I was determined that I was not going to miss my daughter's first softball game this season.

I still felt weak but I was feeling like I was getting stronger and would be ready to go to the game. So, I made my way to the ball park and am I glad I was able to be there. Cottia was up to bat. It was her first at bat of the season and for the first time in her life she hit a HOMERUN!! I was beyond thrilled. I was able to park my truck just outside the ball park so I saw it all. It was one of the biggest thrills of my life and the look on her face was simply priceless. After the game she went with her mother to a birthday party and I took Eva with me to Burger King for lunch that I had promised her.

I brought Eva back home and we ate lunch and watched some tv then took a nap. Once we woke she watched some more TV and then it was time for bed.

But, what a day it has been. Right now I am having some chest pains but they are not too bad. I guess we will see if it gets back to the way it was last night.

Well, that is about it. On this day my daughter hit a homerun and I enjoyed time with my baby girl and now it is raining. I don't know what the future has or how much of a future I have but on this day I thrilled at the accomplishment of my child and that is enough for now.

I pray God will richly bless you all and give you peace. I pray his mercy and love will follow you all and that his peace will be with you now and ever more.

Have a great night and day in Church tomorrow.

t

Today was such a beautiful day and the weather was so nice so I decided to open all the windows in the house. Luckily our windows are chest high for me so I don't have to bend down or over to open them. It was nice to have the fresh air in.

I felt a little light headed and dizzy throughout the morning but I didn't feel any chest pains or PVC's So I just decided to not worry about it. I got some rest and then the girls got home. Cottia had her homework to do and Eva played with her baby dolls. My mother and her husband came by for a visit which was nice and then Cottia had a scrimmage. I wasn't sure about going but I really wanted to be there. Eva had decided she was going so I went too.

Cottia didn't play much but she did get a bat. She managed to get a foul tip but not on base. But, I don't think it really matters to her. She just wants to be out there and to be with her friends. She seems so happy and really enjoys softball. I was glad to be there and to enjoy the game and my oldest girl as she plays.

After the game was over I went ahead because it takes me a little longer to get to the car given that I have to use the walker. Eva went with me. There is a step off to the parking lot and I fell as I stepped off. I was very embarrassed and felt ashamed that this happened. Eva was upset but luckily Maw Maw and Paw Paw were there so they took her as I began the tremor that always accompanies one of the falls. I also have learned how to fall so I don't hurt myself like I used to. They call it a controled fall. Some gentlemen were good enough to wait with me until I was under contol then Emily backed the van up and I got in. I didn't feel very much pain but I am now beginning to feel it. I know I mainly fell on the left side and that is where the main part of the pain is. I have a headache which I am sure is coming from the tremors and the ringing in my ears are off the scale right now. But, I am home now and sitting in my chair.

I just want to be able to do things with my girls and not to embarrass them or scare them. It hurts so much that I scare them and that they have to worry about their father when they should be living carefree lives. I'm not sure why I continue to go through all this but I know God has a plan.

Well, I want to end on a good note so let me just say that Cottia's team won the scrimmage 3-0 and she was so happy and proud. Eva continues to grow and her hair is so beautiful.

Tomorrow is counseling day and I am looking forward to it and continuing to get better.

So, once again, I pray God's blessings on you all and that he will pour our his grace on your lives. Have a great evening and again, God bless.

t

Yesterday was Sunday and with Emily being sick it fell to me to take the girls and Jason to Church. It was an awesome service but I did notice the vocal tremors were worse than normal. Not sure what is going on with that. I felt tired but nothing out of the ordinary for me. Then, last night, chest pains started again and the ringing in my ear is really getting bad. But, there seems to be very little to nothing they can do about that. I sometimes feel like it is going to drive me crazy.

Today Emily seems better but still not 100% so please be praying for her. Jason is retaking the ASVAB test and the girls went to school. The chest pains continued for me today but right now they have let up some so I am thinking I just had another angina attack. But, I didn't go to the doctor. I'm just tired of throwing money at something that seems to be benign. If it is not, then I guess we will find out soon enough.

Last night Phantom of the Opera was on ETV. Eva sat with me to listen to some of the music. She really loves good music and I really want to help her develop that. Who knows maybe she will be the one in the family that takes music to the next level.

Well, I'm waiting on the family to get home and I love that time with them. As always, I pray God's blessings on you all and that his grace will flow to you like never before.

t

Well, I have to add some to today's blog. The pain has now started to set in. I am feeling PVC's in my heart and my legs especially the left is in a lot of pain. So, I guess I am going to pay the price for a good day. I'll see how the night goes but right now even my vision is a bit fuzzy. Still, today was a wonderful day and while I may pay a price for it tonight, I am thankful for the day I had. So, this an addition to todays blog and still my hope and prayer is that God will richly bless you all.

t

Well, this is the 400 post! I can't believe it. But, today was the best day I have had in a very long time. I got to go fishing this morning and this time I was able to take both my girls and Jason. Eva was so cute. I had bought her a little pole that has those fake fish and stars and things like that. She was so proud when she threw her line in the water. I bragged on her and said she was the only one that could say she caught something everytime she threw the line in the water.

Troy and Jacob came down and seemed to also have a good time. I caught a really nice bass and just being outside was wonderful. It wore me out but it was worth it. I really enjoyed the fellowship with Troy and his son and my girls and Jason.

We didn't stay all that long because I can only take so much and I was worn out so we came home about noon and I took a long nap. I feel rested but am so glad that I can report that this was a great day for me. I have not had many lately and am glad I had this one.

On another note, Emily is really sick with all the pollen and allergies. I feel so bad for her. She is coughing and her chest is sore from the coughing and I just pray she feels better soon.

Well, that is about it. I'm glad we had this day and hope we have many more like it in the very near future.

So, once again, I pray God's richest blessing on you all and that his grace will fill your lives with love and mercy. Don't forget to go to Church tomorrow and praise his name.

t

The last two days have been really hard. I continue to be dizzy and light headed but I have not had any real chest pain the past two days so I am not sure what is going on. I just want it better. I'm worried about driving and yet I have to from time to time.

Emily is at work and the girls are at school and life is continuing. I just want all this to be over so hopefully when we go to Charleston in 2 weeks we will really begin to heal. I've also noticed that I am feeling weaker and having more headaches.

It is amazing to me that I actually want to go back to work and yet my life just seems to be on hold right now. I can only hope that things are going to get better. I do seem to have good days and bad days it is just that the bad days outweigh the good days. Again, hopefully that will change.

Well, that is about it for today. I'm very tired and feel very weak so I'm going to try to get some rest. I hope and pray God will bless you all in his special way and that you will feel his grace at all times. Have a great day!

t

Last night was pretty rough. I had to take my nitro spray twice and the chest pain was really intense. In fact, I would go so far as to say it was the worst I have had. I have been having a lot of PVC'S lately and I wonder if that has anything to do with it. But, after taking the nitro I got the normal headache which comes with nitro. That is why I hate taking it so much. But, I did finally fall asleep and rested until it was time to get up this morning.

I had physical therapy today. I really enjoy the PT and think it is good for me to get out of the house. But, the therapist said we have hit a wall and there really isn't anything more they can do. He said they all saw how hard I worked and tried but I have reached my potential and maybe I will make more progress with the neuro psychologist in Charleston. I have mixed feelings about it. I will miss going there but it also makes me feel good that they notice just how hard I work. They did say I can come back if necessary after I have been treated in Charleston. There is another good side to this in that gas prices are so high and not having to make the trip twice a week will certainly help on bills.

I'm obviously back home now and they sent me a sheet of paper with exerciese they want me to continue at home so it gives me something to do.

Well, that is about it. I look forward to Emily and the girls getting home and pray God will richly bless each of you in a special way.

t

I haven't blogged in a few days but decided that I needed to today. Today has been a very hard day. The alarm went off so I got Emily up to get ready for work then reset the alarm to get up for the girls but I set it two hours ahead instead of 1. Needless to say we were rushed. But, the biggest problem was how disoriented I was. I was trembling and having some trouble speaking. I almost fell several times but thankfully I didn't. Emily was very insistant that I get on the walker no matter what. I am not sure why but I was exhausted. Emily and the girls left for the day and I was left alone. I was nervous because I wasn't sure what was going on. The ringing in my ears is 10 times worse today and even now I am shaking and feel weak. I did manage a shower but not much more.

When the girls got home Eva and I watched some of Rio while Cottia did her homework. Then, after supper Cottia came and sat on my lap and she and I watched some of Rio as well.

Really that is about it other than I am really having PVC'S and my back is in a lot of pain. I just feel so weak and I don't know why. I hope I'm not getting that virus that has been going around. I guess we will see.

Well, that is about it. I pray God's richest blessing on you all and that he will pour out his mercies on you all. Have a great night!

t

Today was not a good day for me. I'm not sure exactly what happened but it started this morning. I was dizzy and a bit disoriented. I had therapy today but had to stop after doing the bike. The therapist was concerned so I came home. My speech has not been this bad in a long time. I just don't know what happened. So, I came home and got some rest. I didn't have any tremors that I can remember but I called my doctor of speech therapy to see if I had anything to be concerned about. As of now, I have not heard back. I also called my disability specialist just to keep her informed but she also did not call back.

The rest of the day was not bad as I got some rest but I was afraid to take a shower due to the dizziness so I didn't get a bath today.

I went to the rest room and on my way back this evening I fell again. This time I really hurt my left arm. I know I tried to buffered my fall with my arm. I did tremor some after the fall and I am having some pain now in my right knee. My jaw is also hurting a bit and I have been having PVC's most of the day. I'll see how I do tonight and make a decision as to weather to go to the medical center tomorrow.

A lot happened today as there was a wreck involving some very important people that have had a lot of influence in my life over the years and I wonder if that contributed to the fall. I don't know but I think it is a possibility.

Right now, I just want to put today behind me and hope tomorrow will be better. I still trust God and his plan and will continue this journey.

On a brighter note, Cottia got a foul ball tonight in her scrimage but I could not be there. Still, I plan to make her games even if I have to be in a wheel chair.

So, for now, I continue to pray God's richest blessings on you all and that his grace will pour out on you to his glory.

Have a good night,

t

Today was Sunday and time to go to Church. I went to bed last night so that I would feel fully awake this morning but it didn't work. I had to take a shower this morning before we left and that just always takes it out of me. I know I fell asleep this morning but I had hoped I would be alert but I was just too tired.

We went out to lunch after Church but I was not hungry and did not eat. I just felt extra weak and the ringing in my ears is really bad. I just hope I am not getting something.

I ended up spending most of the afternoon in the bed. We always take a Sunday afternoon nap but I don't normally spend this much time sleeping but I was just so exhausted and I am thankful to Emily for allowing me to sleep.

But, when I woke up it was nice to see the girls playing. Man did they have a mess but they did clean up and the evening ended up with Cottia giving us a fashion show. I love them so much. Last night Cottia told me that she liked me more when I was not trying to lose weight. I have to agree with her. I think I would rather be fat and happy than in the shape I am in now.

So, it is another Sunday evening and we are preparing for another week. I pray God's blessings on you all and that his peace will be with you all.

t

Today was rainy so there really wasn't much to do. I got up with the girls and got them something to eat. I always allow Emily to sleep in when possible so today was no different. The girls got dressed and I went back to bed about 10. Emily and the girls went to the movies. It was a great time for them to take in a movie and spend some time together. When I got up I decided I would do some things around the house. I was able to get a few things done before I started trembling and the weakness just made me have to sit down. Emily and the girls got home and I was really done for the day. But, I did manage to get my cloths put away and then I have spent the rest of the evening resting. My chest is hurting and the ringing in my ears is the worse it has been in a long time.

Well, tomorrow is Church and I am preparing my heart for worship. But, I know how tired I will be. Still, I want to be in God's house and to worship him as best I can.

All in all today was not a bad day but I just feel so weak and tired. My legs hurt and my ears are ringing and yet I go on by the grace of God.

I do want to note that tonight I had a really nice time holding my daughter Cottia who came down in my den area and curled up with me. One thing she said that really stuck with me is she liked me a lot more when I was not trying to lose weight. I think I agree with her. I certainly was happier and healthier than I am now so she is right.

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful night and pray God's blessing on each of you and that his mercies will pour out on you all.

t

Today started out with a morning storm and getting the girls out and going for their day. I was sore from the fall last night and have had tremors off and on all day. I have also felt extra weak but I got through and another day is behind me.

I really don't have a lot to post but I do want to share about our evening with the girls. Cottia and Eva decided they wanted to play school with mommy and daddy. So, Cottia asked a question. I believe it was what is a reptile. Emily answered. Cottia quickly reminded her that she had to raise her hands. Well, lesson learned!! What a girl I have! As for Eva she wanted to sing Oh How I love Jesus and she really loves that great old hymn. I hope we are laying a sound foundation for both girls. Our prayer time is really becoming a part of our lives nightly and their prayers are just precious. Thank you Father for both my girls.

They keep me going and I could not be more proud of them and the young ladies they are becoming. As always, I pray God's richest blessings on you all and that his rich love with bless your life. Have a great evening.

t